Nerves

Gotta call the school today to find a tutor for my hubs, he's trying to study for his GED which he never got dropped out a couple months b4 or something. I tried to help him but I get frustrated because what seems so simple to me and it's not like he was getting it and he for surely has a thing or complex about being afraid to come to me thing going on. So I KNOW my helping him study isn't working because he's afraid of me or whatever it's hard to explain, maybe he's even a bit embarrassed I tried to make him feel good and show how easy things can be. His worst point is reading and language. Math and algebra is coming along great one only on sample test that's honestly almost better than I'd have done not studying or have looked at a text book for years..

But when I met him he was getting tutored at a college in reading but we moved here the next fall and that's the end of that story. But to find one around here/? Hummm I plan on calling the school I guess they might know of someone or where to call at least. He's worked up to get this and that makes me look at him a little different. A good thing yes.

As for me it's been a forever long week. Feels like I've been off week for days not just 3 days. Probably cuz they days have been jam packed with fun things to do. It was so beautiful out yesterday we spend an hour at the park after lunch and an hour and 45 minutes later b4 supper. Got our grill fixed bought a new burner for it hopefully that is what's wrong so I made hobo packets with cut up potatoes, peppers, onions, mushrooms and seasonings, and a little ground up hamburger, and we had steak . Nummy I so wanted to sit out on our beautiful deck and eat but we didn't buy that set of furinature yet I want.. patio stuff.. and we dont' dare buy it now if were thinking about moving.

Moving the phone's rang 10 times this week with people calling saying I hear your moving. OMG come on that's one thing I hate but know it's my hometown so it's kinda funny. I say yeah I would love to and highlight the ups and downs and people assume your packed up and leaving tomorrow. My aunt calls all mad I never told her and I'm like when did you hear that i'm leaving she's like April 1st hahaha I'm like yeah and 'like' april fools. OK so we've thought about it, doesn't mean a thing cept how we want to for the time being.

1st things 1st, gotta sell this house. Hubs has to find a job as good or close to as he makes here or no way for me. And my parents with all their dreamin and talk and specially my Dad and all his ideas of making it in the world drive my nuts at times. They are smarter and wiser and I do believe in most things but once and awhile I know better yet hubs still doesn't know. He thinks what my Dad says is gold. My Dad will say you can come down here and do this for $4K a month or do this on weekends and make $$$ and I' tried to explain to hubs my dad always that way and look at him he's not working and not making that 'easy' money. Hubs says yes but he has the ideas and they're good and hubs says he unlike my Dad is going to do it.. and hubs has a good strong point on that topic. but still...

I'm chicken I guess and kinda comfy yet the thought of just doing something crazy is kinda born in me. And when it all comes down to anything I'm just a home-body. I like to be home, want to be home and can't wait to get home when i'm gone. I would be comfy where=ever as long as I had a place to live I guess. hehehe

OK I better get going and quit dreaming for now as it's almost time for lessons with the kids. Circle time at 9am.

Phones

So we spend $50 a month for the Cell and $45 approx for our land-line or whatever ya call your home phone so to save some money and not have 2 phone bills we decided to shut one off, being our home phone since our mobile we can take where-ever and has voice mail also. So I awoke this morning to call my grandma and I'm like Ohhh Crap I forgot today was the day, no biggy just picked up the cell.. but then I thought Ohhh crap again cuz it was like no cable, we also decided rather than paying $74.99 for digital cable to knock that off as well since all were connected to same bill. I'm loving it already. I hate having to talk over the TV always going and it seems to make the kids crazy anyways. My oldest runs home and puts a movie in and I'm like exactly why I shut the cable off so you wouldn't lay round just watching TV.. and I don't want the kids to do that during the day we watch little TV or had... so it was so nice and quiet and peaceful 2nite when I was home hadda lot of things going on 2night. Have 2 go 2 wtrtown tomorrow for Dr appt. Looking forward to a nice day just me and my Baby going.

Bummed out about a few things but oh well I'm in a great mood otherwise and it sure was nice today. Ever have just one of those weekends hopefully when I get to my Dr appt they might just say I'm crazy and lock me up. Naaaa but I have been over-emotional and somethings not right hormonal wise obviously. Pre-mid-ovulation cycle thingy pms or something ;)

My grandma came by 2nite with her puppy she gets a kick out of our cat and her dog playing together. It was funny, she's so great and we were talking about selling our house and all that crap and how much work moving would be if came to be and I fool round with the idea and hubs is gun-hoe doing whatever he can to move, while I'm just thinking my life seems to be spinning and I play with the idea here and there yet I don't know a thing. I tend to always be in control of everything yet it all seems to be going in all kinds of directions and I can't catch anything or get anything right these days it seems. I wish it wasn't that way of course, I hate to feel so discontent and unhappy or that unsettled feelings of what the hell am I doing or what's going on feeling always. Of course I know my facts what matters most to me and what I want for them and that . I am shot and not doing what I know I should be about this all anyways.

Sex Sucky

OK so you'd think that once your going on your almost 6th year of marriage it'd get better with time or like wine better with age. Something seriously wrong here with my sexual life and it sucks. I should list some of my recent peeve's...
#1. I never get it, and 1/2 the time when I do it's after I'm so pissed, the other 1/2 is just cuz I had to persue the entire act from the start
#2. He's a total wimp, I assume it's cuz it's so seldom were together he's totally forgotten how to 'do it' but he goes way overboard on the romancing part and pussy foots around it all.. and his main focus is on making me happy but in a slow=motion kinda way. Whoop it up or something..
#3. This Beat is NOT technotronic. I get my swing going and he goes all outta sync crazy like and I lose it.
#4. No touching. He's never been good at it so I never cared but know I want it more, probably cuz he's sucky at it.... so when we have the sex talks I say you could touch more or something it's again like too soft I can't feel it.
#5 Boring... so I whoop it up with some come on lets go or a big ole Yeee Hawww let me ride em crazy style and he laughs thinking I'm trying to be funny, and again I lose my mood.
#6. Talk, don't talk. Best to not talk, cuz he could and usually says something that makes me have to stop and think.
#7. Don't ask me how it feels, that's a total turn off... if you can't tell I'm enjoying it by my breathing, schreeches or the multiple orgasims specially after 7 years then you don't know me at all, plus if I have to stop and think about it or have the time then No I'm not having fun...
#8. Talk Dirty to me, he hasn't a clue his most frequent line is, your so wet like that's going to turn me on...
#9. Same ole... almost always the same routine from start to finish, I can almost rehease the entire converstation as well as the act.
#10. ACTION. Ok so this is the big one, maybe he's scared of me but he doesn't, won't, will not act unless I practically have to make him or beg him or just say lets do this or that.. b4 he'll do anything. start anything or change in the midstream... .
#11. I'm stopping for the night here otherwise I'd be here all night...

OK so once I got off 2nite it's like oh gosh that was awesome and laid there thinking I could die now... but 10 minutes b4 that I was so frustrated... Whazzz up with that and me and those kinda feelings??? Probably not good I think often of other things and times and that's what seems to keep me hot.

I better go hop back into the sack gotta long day tomorrow again... Gotta write me friend a email too that I really miss him. Now that I feel guilty about writing badly about hubs I better go kiss on him some more and see what kinda reaction I'll get to that.. nooo I really lub him it's just somenights... grrrrr hehehe ;) wink;) oh well.. OK nitey nite