Nightmares

My dreams were horriable and so real all night that all morning they've left that scarey icky feeling in me. Just me and the little guy today it's fun, nice and different. I blew up some balloons he's having a ball playing with them and we counted them and noted the different colors. I thought about him and I hitting somewhere for lunch but think we'll stay in and have soup and sandwiches.

I'm sopose to go to a new class at the gym a circuit class at 1pm but right now I'm pretty much in a slump so bad I don't even want to talk.. I gotta snap outta this mood b4 it eats at me more... been a long time since I've felt this way. I'm not one to be unhappy really or fake that smile.

Buggin

Somethings buggin me lots and i know it's nothing just me yet it that feeling lingers of uneasyness and why I don't know. It's late I'm really tired work was lots of fun it was busier in the bar makes it fun! Wrestling tourney tomorrow but not sure i'll be making it cuz I doubt I'd be back in time for work I might be it'll be close yet it's a good hour and 15 minutes away hate to risk it specially with kids and weather, yet I soooo hate missing it too. J had friend spend the night again 2nite they actually are in bed b4 I got home from work they usually are up till 3 or 4 in the morning, but sopose to be leaving at round 930 so sopose getting their zzz's for that too. Kinda cute I check on everyone when i get home from work and like everyone is snoring.. all the kids and hubs too.. funny. Sopose I'm next huh I better go... I'm pretty wound up to sleep maybe i'll start a check list of things to do in the van on our 20 hour trip... OMG my GF and me were talking and she's telling me 100 horror stories about traveling with kids and I'm like OMG we really never have I'm so thinking it might be sooo much worse, or better.... think positive Just dreading the driving all one way down I'm thinking twice but shit 4 days plus spent driving as on the way back we are for surely getting a room but will only have a good 4 days total in Nashville, it'll go fast I'm getting excited yet very nervous.

Chick Flick

Never really have i been able to say a Movie was positively a "Chick Flick" until 2nite. Me and My GF went to Mona Lisa Smiles and I'd say about 40 people in the movie which is good for our small town theater, lots of lady chatter during the film which always bugs me, but anyways when the movie was over we stood, and looked back since we were in the middle and noticed it was all Ladies, my friend says OMG it's like all women here cept we did see one man sitting toward the top with his wife. Great movie too. I'd think men could like the movie too.

*funny what circles I get into, had nite cap over there after n stuff she drove and gave me ride home decided next time were going all out YEAH i think that sounds just perfect. I had fun. Nice to come home to quiet house again it's been so busy all week. Funny doesn't seem possible that I return to work tomorrow nite already. Time flies when your having fun right. Looking forward to getting back anyways missin J hehehe :)

Ohhh I'm gettin the itch to hit a spa looking here at these sites in Minneapolis of Spas and stuff just dying to get outta town and hit a city. Tried to talk my GF into a day away with me yet she's hesitant on funds and spending where as I don't seem to find a problem, maybe that's my problem huh? Anyways I want to hit a spa, check into a awesome hotel, veg and hit a awesome resturant and a play or some kind of show, then a few cocktails and crash, maybe some shopping in the morning.

Friends n Movies

I call my GF she just jumped in the shower her hubs says, I say "You don't mind if I take out your wife tomorrow night" he replies as long as you take her out and not eat her out. Hahaha I found funny. She had called earlier when I was at the gym and asked my hubs if I was free for a movie tomorrow and yacked for 20 minutes I guess. Going to That smiles movie with Julia Roberts it was her Bday monday and she couldn't get out so were hitting a movie and drink maybe after. I'm excited.

I told her what her hubs said and she's all OMG i can't believe he said that and freaking and I'm like WOW S we really have drifted apart the last 2 years cuz in our past that'd be a total joke as we've been friends over 12 years now with both of them and I totally know what he's like and how my hubby and him are together and guys and stuff and the sex comments are always pentiful round them when together and I laughed, she didn't. Makes me think she's forgotten it's just Me, not a mom she works for or whatever. Kinda funny. Then has me thinking back to last Oct a time my bro's band played and he asked me to dance and she came out onto the dance floor upset with him.. i mean pissed and I thought OMG I felt horriable.

Makes me wonder now maybe she's insecure with me for some reason now but why i don't know. Maybe it's just the distance that has came between us since my babies and working again, I don't know but silly.

Attacked hubs for a quickie cuz new movie on HBO started in like 10 minutes and started to watch it and realized after 30 minutes it's way stupid I can't even follow it. Rode bike 5 miles and walked 1.5 on the walking track 2nite think that'd tire me out now but hasn't yet.

Wow last time me and her hit a movie was scream 2 or 3 or something. During the show the movie stopped and no lights of course everyone screams, and all I imagine is a guy dressed up like the movie slashing people with everyone screaming it was a bit scarey down in the little 3rd theather, my GF jumped up and ran out right away hahaha great memory that's always made me chuckle.

My fun quote of the day has to be G with his taking out/eating out comment above.

Sleepless

I would have thought after those 2 glasses of wine last night that'd knock me right out and the tub and still it was like 2 when I got to bed, and awoke at 245, 330, 430, 515 and 730 finally I just got up, I'm not tired I guess just thinking I have to get to the gym this morning, hubbys boss called and why I woke up at 515, cuz it was like 20 some below just temp, so didn't have to go to work till 9am, he got to sleep in a little. Freezing yeah i'm chilly too this morning it is still 15 below. I'm just sitting here staring I should get busy and do something. I'm in a weird mood, it's good just weird. Ya know with this newer computer I hate that the speakers don't have their own little ear plug thingy like my old speakers were awesome :(

Dare to Dream

Took a killer bath, candles, bubbles, wine and music... soaked thinking the hot water made my blood boil a bit more and the bubbles tickled me and the wine made me feel floaty and fun and I got out relaxed and bumped the bed with hubs a bit, yet left to return to my chair here feeling something else. I mean that was good just my minds elsewhere right after.


DREAM ON!

Thinking back a week n 24 hours to that one night again too much drank, almost foggy memories wishing I could recall it all, since I remember freaking in the middle of it all, thinking they were going to kill me... hahaha about it now, but I still recall that fear I felt for my life, I swear I was being choked but OMG I can't see that, but I hit that panic attack feeling like OMG I'm going to die, stupid huh wish I could get over that, Sopose I'm not sopose to trust anyone in that department of sex ever huh... I'd love to let go completely and totally.

Dreams, the other night.. So let's recall what I can, cuz it is very stimulating to me. 1st off I'm there at T, then I'm stirring J drink with my finger and licking it with an occassional leg rub. OK harmless fun playing. Next is games, my fav, yet it's truth or dare, not my strong subject not feeling into it yet. I'm all wanting to huggy and cuddles and rubby dubbies..... T asks J if he loves me, and damn right he better haha just kidding of course as friends I too feel that the same, I find out J did B for real now no kidding which is OK I just said jealous wasn't me 1st... Gave T a backrub and naughty thoughts started then, and then J and flashbacks to tickles and times together hit hard then which pretty much blew my chances of saying no.

So dirty dice, haha can say I've played b4 just not every other turn being mine. But OMG kissing, omg just closing my eyes thinking about it totally gets me wet still now and excited and I musta got wasted or something is wrong with me cuz everytime me and T been together I totally have blacked out most of it. Sopose it's the taking my breathe away feeling or being smothered or choked or fear of that again or something but again this is scarey now cuz I don't recall any of that but one second of pounding and thinking OMG, omg and then kissing J and saying or thinking I"m saying I want you or help or hahhaa I don't know... but then panic and sure I was as close to death as ever. Total blackout again yet sure it was over and next I know I'm laying in bed now with T and he's saying I want you alone just one time and all this other beautiful stuff and i have this thing and I'm all just thinking I just want you to hold me, Cuddles and kisses. That was perfect, as never do I get to just lay with someone holding them and they me and be in peace.

back to time at his cousins cabin this summer when I freaked on him again, I havn't ever with J but then I figure he's not into me at all like romantically and with him he thinks it's just sex, but that isn't it cuz T knows that too with me ... I just know J more, yet I kinda know T i thought so what is it??? funny how my stupid mind works. Dreams... right??? yeah

I get home and next morning on messenger he's left a sweet little note that reads and it's Quoted:
(1/19/2004 4:38:14 AM): twilights I am so atracted to you its not even funny.You are so increadible......Just the way you are is enough to drive me out of control. you have a certian effect on me that no one else does.you have always been my fantasie and always will be.I juuuust want you to know that you are the one in my dreams.

So cute makes ya melt it does, ohhh and I do know it's guy just lines. But still so nice after, I've never had anyone write me for so long like that, that i've liked. Still nice to read after and know at least they like me yet I know it's for fun. I've drempt of words between me and former/past loves yet of course that's the past right... still wishing/dreaming them up myself. Like 2day hadda go outta town and This Song Figure You Out by Nickleback's playing on my MP3 and I'm all horney thinking how I want to be in controll and take him all, totally and completely and with no stupid interruptions of fears from past relationships and give in cuz at the same time I want the opposite :) I'd love to do what I want once to him. Crazy I am. OK so I have totally not been writing much fun for awhile, sopose cuz I've been bored with life and not living really, depressed a bit as well. So this post has gotta get me going.

I've decided this morning as I awoke b4 the kids, time for me to kick my ass in shape again and I worked out 2day and 2nite walked 2.5 miles, gotta start feeling better bout myself. I'm horney and lonely, my b-friends Bday today she andI may hit a movie on Wed, not sure, I'm thinking I want to do something so naughty..

Still thinking about what to do with my blog???
K Funny Thing Hubs said 2nite:
It's OK you can lick my lollipop.


DONE DREAMIN

Letter From Blogger

So I have been posting but realized my posts weren't being published so I wrote Blogger and they're so nice there and wrote back within a day this letter:

• Hello Amy,
  
  I did some troubleshooting on your blog and it appears that
  your FTP
  server uses active FTP. Unfortunately, the new version of
  Blogger no
  longer supports active FTP (due to a new, more scalable
  network design);
  passive FTP and SFTP are supported however, so my
  suggestion would be to
  consult with your hosting provider about enabling either of
  those FTP
  versions. SFTP is preferable, as it is encrypted.
  
  If you wish I can set up a complimentary Blog*Spot Plus
  hosting account
  for you; let us know if you need any more assistance.
  
  Thanks, Steve

OK Bummer now what do I do about that, funny if this posts I will write Tripod/Lycos because I have all my accounts there and other websites and published domains hosted thru them and seems such a hasstle to find a new webserver, i've been thru that from yahoo/geocities to bravenet to now tripod/lycos. I'm happy here hate to leave :( :(

Costs alone keeping this site up costs $10/month that all my sites though not just hosting this one, and $30/year for the domain. that's $150.00 a year WOW I've never really added it all up, guess it's a hobby I didn't think of it as in terms of years. With that thought I put a lil donate to my blog fund on the left you can drop me a buck or two or 10 or hundred or nothing at all of course I won't care if you don't. Just thought since I've sold somethings on Ebay now and use PayPal thought I might as well try to ask for help with my blogging habit wth huh.

Almost makes me want to forget the whole blogging thing but I'm so adicted to it, and I love blogger! I tried Moveable Type just couldn't figure that out and why, when I'm happy here, maybe I'll just host my blog on blogger, never done it, guess I could try it. Wouldn't be able to use my template though but could redirect my domain twilights.org there though I think. Hummm what to do. OK gotta go for a few maybe back

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