this week i am trying to get the house in order before the real vacation starts. Cleaning, laundry, packing, paying bills and things of that sort as well as getting rest for the big drive. Yesterday I had spent most of my time with the kids playing and stuff me and J even went to the pool and worked out in the afternoon as he didn't have school. So I didn't accomplish anything yesterday really - good intentions of course.
So today I'm up at 9, should be rested yet a little snoozy since I went to bed at 1030 with hubs, key words 'went to bed' doesn't at all mean I went to sleep. I have this thing with sleeping I must. after he goes to sleep round 1130 wathcing leno and stuff .. hehe :) anyways I pop open a book and read a little, open a notebook and write a little, I think I have to much to read/say/write/do to sleep feeling like it's a waste so before I know it it's 130 OMG shoot me.
Hubs and I were laying in bed talking OMG something we havn't done forever and we were just writing down things to do for each other to help or things hubs can do for me and vis versa cuz he said he needed something physcial to remember our talk and anyways that was kinda fun talking and writing things and joking I actually felt for a few seconds like laughing with him and even caught myself stopping and thinking OK yeah I'm in love with him??? but almost in a way that makes me tell myself that to believe it cuz I can't sometimes, believe that.
Tried to explain to him how I feel on some things doubt he understood so hard to I know.. I'd ask him and his words are so simple and nice and I think OMG.. that's it :) That's the ticket I wish sometimes I could be him. I told him toward the end I wish I could come home from work and eat and dink round with little things and at 7 curl up in the recliner and when he hits his pillow it's 2 snoozes and he's totally out.
Maybe I over-worry OK I know I have that even more in the last year or two with the overwhelmed feelings, yet OMG I would die to come home and just plop on the TV and crash on the couch or chair like he sometimes does. When he asks what can he do... I wonder if he can do anything I guess I can hope he'll take some initiative and act on things for himself more. But honestly it probably isn't in his character. Just like paying bills for something small and easy kinda yet stressful at times. I said I'd love to be him and probably why he sleeps so good he has no concerns or worries. I need better faith or something huh.
So if it wasn't for me who'd pay the bills, clean the house, make sure kids had hair cuts and dr appt's. who'd make sure the closet got cleaned or the toilet scrubbed or called that estimate for home insurnace the one job I gave him this month undone, or incompleted so I am finishing up. But these is always something to do. always the only time I actually sit down here is, the time I type like this these days and that hasnt' been much.
Just wish I could be like him and work my 9 to 5 and relax. With the upcoming trip I have been busy although it feels like i've accomplished nothing real yet. I have to spend the day outta town 2day my son has Dr appt this afternoon.
Anyways it was nice talks with hubs even though I'm sure it's nothing that'll wake me up from this state of mind I've been in. Focus on the fun stuff for now right? :) Yeapers. I can't wait to get to nashville our van goes in the shop again 2nite for final check if it checks out bad and we can't go I'm catching the next flight outta Minn tomorrow so at least I know I'll be going I guess but OMG leaving my family would be hard. I keep telling myself now Think Happy Thoughts with the adam sandler thoughts of grandma hitting the slot machines and midgets riding bikes.
DONE CLOSE IT UP
