SDQUIT

OK made the call to the American Cancer Society. Seemed pretty harsh n gave reality to be calling a "cancer" society assoc. to get help quitting something that I do that can cause cancer. So I have officially enrolled in their Help couciling program to quit smoking. Wow the questions they ask but I just have to do this. My biggest goal was to quit b4 I turn 30.. And I just can't seem to do it on my own or something.. like this morning with the crabbypants I just wanted to smoke smoke smoke.. and I'm not a morning smoker at all. So I'm sure I'll be talking a lot about trying to quit again on my blog as my tool to talk about it. Nice you have 24 access to concilers to help you thru those tuff times.. but did suggest I get Zyban for my anexity. I told them it's that nervous antsy feeling I have even now just thinking about quiting that keeps me from doing it. Some think it is in your mind.. whatever it may be I don't know what drives a person to do it.. then talking to women that quit talking about all the weight they gained or how 3 months later they started again.. or how even years later still have that craving worries me. Funny how a little stick of tabacco can make ya so nutty. Pray for me.

Ok so Hubs is gone for awhile said he's bored and had to get outta here.. well good go then I thought cuz he's crabby moppin round here when there is a million things he could be doing. Pisses me off a lot although I'm not trying to act crabby back cuz I wouldn't get us anywhere anyways. But jeez on my days off I' always busy doing shit round the house n cleaning this or that or something thought we were planting our grass seed 2day and hauling in 3 yards of dirt.. he doesn't want to do anything we need to get done but bitches nothing to do.. bored. Think it comes down to he's pissy cuz he wanted to go fishing 2day. I said Go I'd rather he be gone doing that then pissing around bitching. So I called and rented the yard blower raker thing and 3 yards of dirt to be delivered myself N i'll just plant the seed myself.. outta think about building a dog kennel myself as well cuz he's just not been in mood to help out with anything but whine and piss round about this junk truck he bought. Now his mom n little brother are coming up for easter week. Coming up Tuesday night next week thru sunday for easter. OMG I just don't get his family it's a long story and I don't really get along with his mom.. I do I respect her but I disagree she has been so mean to my hubs in words and in letter then 2 days later calls like nothings wrong long story.. but not been a good mom.. and the thought of me entertaining her for 4 days while he's working.. let alone my days I like spent alone with my kids.. I don't know why I'm being bitchy about it.. but they lay all over my house.. and I'm not into lazy and watching movies.. OMG just my house n even my parents don't stay with us. I just won't get to lounge around in my PJ's till noon now.. but feel i'll have to be up cooking a feast of a breakfest at 5am or something LOL. OMG I should go I'm sure everyone thinks I'm bitchy for the in-law thing I'm not.. just Ohhhh I don't know what it is. Be different if hubs was home but even when company is up it's always me doing everything but then that's nothing new. I gotta get ready for work Bye

Boiling Point... Ya know how you feel the temp rising.. till you know your just going to blow.. how I'm feeling my hubs is OMG something today... Making me crabby n mad cuz he is.n why OMG anyways Grrr not a good morning so far.

WorkWorld

Summer is coming.. the busy season where I work. Tonight was werid working wasn't busy but I kept busy but seemed totally disorganized. I try not to sound bad about work I love my job but somedays I can't figure things out. Then I went up the hill these 8 customers that stayed late n left n went up there told the bartender up there they were kicked out of our place. Whatever!!! Feel bad.. I always feel bad when customers feel bad. But I don't think they were kicked out then again I can totally agree with their feelings cuz sometimes the waitresses will and most always shove the tickets at them when they are done with their food. If they sit around another 10 minutes you still should check on them.. seldom do they ever and when they get up and move out to the bar they throw thier tickets at me and forget all about them.. Like I'm to take over.. slow season sure it's OK but coming up I won't be able to help as much as I'd like.

Plus just sitting there for 10 min. they could very likley change their mind n want something else. Goes that way with drinking all the time. I mean you can check on them. with a 1/2 full drink and they say I'm ok.. or look ok but 2 seconds.. and slurps/slips they're empty. Best to keep good eye on or just walk by and be there for them incase they do.. wans't like ther was any other tables in there. Oh well.. just didn't like to hear that n didn't like having to tell them 3 different times to check on tables. Come on adults here do you job.. I guess I never mind checkin on their tables for drinks and clearing or whatever when they're gone/busy. I ended up being a real bitch to them saying that at the end cuz OMG it's not hard to walk out and say How is everyone?

So I went up the hill n both waitresses were there and mistake there I should've walked back out cuz bitch bitch bitch.... Do I bitch like that? I hope not. I wanna hug. I may vent my opinions but with always good intentions and thoughts I feel. And I guess it's fine they bitched everyone needs to vent somehow I find my writing my venting tool. Sure tomorrow will be new brighter n better day! Not that I'm upset I'm not.. Everyone has their moments I'm sure they bitch about me too LOL... J and me got into the going behind the bar upset again 2nite.

I think she finally understood where I am coming from on that point FINALLY! And she even appolgized and said didn't realize all that and why n all. That was the only cool thing really said the rest I have to store in file 13. So I didn't stay long n left n stuff n stuff n stuff. Hubs crashed in the recliner mean the whole bed to myself YEAH! I kinda like that once and awhile. I'm not tired at all was bummed about something else. Why I don't know I shouldn't go there. K I'm off Oh yeah and I kicked butt in darts again won both games we played! I had a couple drinks but am fine but may be writing too much or silly cuz of that. So pardon me if so. Love ya nites!

Licence & Renew

Martie found this neat site to make your own plates! Here's mine!



Pretend your in prision and Make your own Licence!

Also reminds me that I have to get mine renewed before my birthday May 20th!

Hot N Puberty

It's gettin Hot n here... singing that song cuz yeap the temps rises again n so does my house heat up. 82 right now so I finally broke down and popped on the central air. No wind or breeze out at all but it's beautful outside. Grass has that hint of green.. wonder if my apple tree is budding yet?

Just happened to look down on my desk and there is a booklet titled.. about you.. always changing.. pudberty and stuff about you the boys booklet! LOL that time of the year again the school nurse gets together with the boys n talks. But why did my son sit it on my desk? Maybe he wants me to read it.. maybe he has questions. Think I'll read it now that I found it here.

OMG reading it now it's funny. I'm more shy about it than my son. OMG why does it gget so hard? that's a question in the book.. jeez graphic book but explains it all and answers a ton of questions probably lots better than I do when he asks me stuff. Funny thing about my son he's not embarrassed easily or that I have noticed if he has a question he asks. I'd rather he ask me and I tell him the truth than questioning friends who might not know the truth and all and stuff. OK read the booklet.. sopose I'll have a talk with him about it later to see if he has any other ?'s... or just to let him know he can always come and ask me or his dad. I've never been a boy of course so I can't relate as well.. then when I think about when I started puberty I dont' even remember for sure when or what or how of that???

I do remember after the nurse gave us our sex-talk in 6th grade I went home and looked for hair and shaved every inch of my body. I shaved my arms and everything cuz nurse told us women shave their legs and underarm hair and stuff.. so I remember I figured i had better start shaving. LOL my mom caught me and freaked cuz I shaved my entire arms.. told me hair would grow back thick and black and I imagined I'd have hairy ape arms. And scared me. Of course I didn't need to shave yet. I didn't even wear a bra yet till end of 6th grade. That was something I felt like everyone knew and I didn't want to go into class. LOL And that shopping trip with my mom to get a bra.. OMG. LOL funny

Sailing Sober

Work was fun 2nite was kinda busy for a Thursday helped it was georgeous out today hit 72 I think! So this man comes into the bar to eat and have a few.. and last time he was in awhile ago.. he was a bit tipsy and trying to hold my hand all night and inviting me to go sailling with him and we could keep it hush hush from his wife and my hubs.. blah blah.. OK so he hasn't been in forever and I just forgot about it.. but he comes in 2nite and I'm thinkin hopefully he was drunk last time and doesn't remember any of that.. made me a bit uncomfortable cuz I've always respected him as nice person and man and friendly yet professional. But hey he's a guy whatever it was OK I know his wife and she's nice so I think OK he's drunk. So he comes in normal like usual and I thought to myself GOOD.. he doesn't remember or was just tipsy and maybe having a bad day or mid-life crisis thing.. but anyways..

1/2 hour thru our converstation he starts talking about this cruise he took in the bahamas/florida a couple weeks ago.. and I made the comment if I was to take a cruise I'd get on one of those smaller boats and cruise up near alaska and see the wildlife and mountains and see brochures on how beautiful it is up there.. camping and boating the rivers and all.. anyways he said Exactly.. he hated the bahama's and never been anywhere near mts.. and teased that him and I should just take off and go. LOL Ok whatever I got off that subject pretty fast and he was good again.. then later he says when no ones around I'm still planning that sailing trip just you and me this summer I look forward to it.. I'll bring some wine along.. blah blah.. and I thought OMG. He remembered .. thought I was safe again with him LOL oh well...

The 1st thought of sailing again when he 1st mentioned it last summer was exciting cuz my dad always had sail boats and they are peacefull and relaxing and thought friends would be fun to clip along the waves again.. no biggy.. but that uncomforatble-ness of the eyes I have a problem with now. Say your working and you know that feeling your being stared at.. or when I look up to look at him it's like frozen time... and I being the eye lady can't look away but like a stare down to see if I can get him to look away... but that creepyness that he doesn't makes me back down. Funny games I play with myself huh... It's that twinge of eye contact I've lost that controll I used to feel I had over men reading them with my eyes.. I find myself more embarrassed now and looking away. Maybe it's I'm older.. married.. more uncomfortable with myself a bit more than in my younger days.. I sopose that has something to do with it.

LOL i get a chuckle out of my werid thoughts sometimes. Shaking my head with the eye roll n smile! Like don't go there Amy. Anyways gotta laugh it off and feel like it topped the cake on my dreadfull day. As far as my relationship fight this afternoon with my so-called friend I plan on writing a long e-mail to him telling him exactly how I feel and how he's made me feel putting me in this situation and I dont' feel bad anymore. At 1st it really hurt.. really hurt a lot! I dont' know but when I think of friends I give all I can and would do anything for them pretty much... but to expect me to be this or that or do this or that in the name of friends.. Nope. End of story can't do that and I'm sorry If he felt more n expected more.. but again I've been upfront from the begining. I should post the email he wrote me... it's mean. Well I can't say I wasn't flattered too but OMG what do you expect? Anyways I'm done with this topic.

I'm actaully wishing I could understand another better. Refocus. K gotta go

Taurus Women

Any other Taurus women out there having a shitty personl week? Just curious I find reading mine entertaining but are they ever right.. on this one I'm hoping tomorrow is better!... I'm thinking too much about this entire ordeal I'm sure I'll write more later n if it's confusing it's just me confused as well. Have a wonderful nite!

Matters involving work and education may be in conflict today. You might have to sacrifice one for the other, which could cause upsets. If a love partner is involved, it might be in your best interest to choose whatever involves your beloved. The celestial atmosphere strongly implies that all ruffled feathers should be smoothed over by tomorrow - but conflicts within your relationship would be the most difficult for you to bear

Friends :)

Ever make too many friends online you can't keep up with them all? I find this problem arises and falls then takes off again. Many people email comments and before ya know it your writing back n forth then chattin and some sense of a real relationship forms.. of course. I love it yeap.. and reading lives and thoughts/feelings of others is fun specially those with special interests and thoughts. But almost forms a link not only between blogs but of souls.

So many years ago when I 1st came online I had I'd say 30 good friends.. friends online we'd chat.. and even call some would even meet up along the way. I've meet 5 people only via internet. But chatting has it high points n low points. You can't always see facial expressions which I sometimes need and depending on my mood can take it too seriously. Happens I'm sure n that's OK but you learn to express those things in other ways in writings and converstation.

So I find my many online relationships healthy and fun but at the same time so personal at times they can leave you with deep feelings. Feelings of happiness, sorrow, intrigued n imaginative, longing n yearning yet confused n hurt in others.. Hurt when they're hurting true bonds with real feelings.

I am refering to past male relationships a bit via net. I've crossed that line over the net of simi fallin in love.. of course I'm blunt enough to end it n say i was just being a friend.. or needing that friend and even to begin am honest with my standing and wants/desires thoughts etc.. .. and when that crosses and you feel like your losing that friend it hurts. Hurts cuz you look forward to their Hello when you come online or that email or E-card for flowers.. and converstation.. then the dreaded I want more... WHAT? OK yeah I'm cool.. (LOL) whatever but I'm honest when I say I love hubs n kids n never complain about my life or leaving it I understand you may want more n feel totally confused right now. I dont' like games but I love that relationship but as in the past with others online I've had to say that goodbye and forget... Sorry I am.. just know I'm your friend n I can't say at all what I want to say.

LOL OK it's like a online soap-opera now. Cuz I'm torn between caring for this person a lot and now there upset with me... and although I firmly believe in my standings with the topic n all.. it's still hard. Imagine you like someone a lot spend time talking n then they throw something drastic at you like that and expect what?? I'm not mad just sad about it. I should get ready 4 work now and try not to think about it.

OK I feel like shit and very sorry. Bye

Mini's

Kids are so cute to watch when they are exploring. Like mine outside or anywhere they find the tiny smallest lil things. Like a tiny pebble or speck or fuzz and have fun with it. Looking up in the sky my baby seen the moon yesterday and went crazy laughin and pointing. I looked up mid-day and finally seen what was making him giggle and the moon being out in the middle of the day slightly faded and sliced like a pie... way way up in the sky so small and he thought that was the neatest thing.. and the jets that fly overhead and leave that streak of smoke above.

I always tend to believe that they enjoy the smaller things because they are yet so small with little eyes and fingers to touch n see with. Just fun to watch. My baby really needs a haircut again.. his hairs got these wild curls when wet really curl.. but now being sort long again they fly all over. Just got his hair cut 5 weeks ago.. so unlike my daughters hair .. she didn't have her 1st real haircut until she was 2 1/2 and my baby's had at least 4 and he's not yet 2.

I have to work 2nite I don't really want to. It's just so nice out. Well I better start some lunch.. Making french toast n sausages.

Mysteries of a Mermaid

Just hadda note this blog as I found it refreshing and informative to read. Thanks mermaid for your comments as well I did want to note this poem she has posted called The Soul of a Woman I really like this. I'll be following her writings now as well! K still reading..... bbl

I'm off to hunt for twilight poems.. I feel like reading.. or more writing... usually a bad sign huh

Phone Head #2

OMG if the phone rings again 2nite I'll just pick it up and rehang it cuz my ear is redhot fallin off. So from 830 till 1020 I was on the phone... and no breaks between the calls cuz people just kept beeping in and out.. some people I talked to 2 times even but like 9 different people called LOL.. err nothing important really either just calling n yackin. I'm not a phone head well I can be but wish I had my headset fixed after 2nite.

Went 2 my girlfriends she wasn't home but her hubby was.. she called back then an hour later he called to yack too.. funny was different but nice.. anyways were going to start walking our doggies 2gether on my nights off. I need to get outta the house n do things.. plus with it light out until 830ish I'll have time.. it was so nice 2day.

So what about that statue of sadamm being tore down wasn't that awesome I woke up this morning and was flipping channels and watched it all go down live.. and the people dancing and happy jumpin all over it I just wanted to get up and dance too. Watched Sesame street great show still for kids.. my kids love it.. still without my soaps.. since lent I've only watch maybe a 1/2 hour total. Then I was thinking ya know after easter I'll watch again and the same shit will still be going on I'm sure.

Hubs just went to bed. I actually didn't even tuck him in. Again it's been too much plus I'm just not in a good mood now.. someone called me a bitch n hurt my feelings. Whatever I guess think that cuz I don't think so.. sure I can be if it came down to it. Oh well whatever is all I can think to say. Actually I'd like to go off on a long thought of that topic then entire story.. entire picture.. entire situation but I'm not going to cuz I have a bad attitude now.

So lets' change that subject.. wanna buy my puter? Were thinking we might keep this one for the kids now... Hubbys truck engine is blowing up n my drunk aunt called my grandma 2nite bitchin I don't call my cousin enough.. or email her.. so I sent her a e-mail card from yahoo.. whatever I'm always the one to call people or whatever FO. Her bro my other cousin calls me enough just living here in town.. like I have time to call anyone else when my phone's ringing off the hook all the time anyways... I'm not a phone person and have gotten into real fights with real friends over the subject.

My best friend in town and I had a blow out a couple years ago cuz she said I never call or call back.. well I never have the chance cuz she calls 2-3 times a day anyways. Let alone I'd rather see the person cuz when I'm on the phone the kids sense I think they don't have my attention and always act up.. like party time mom's on the phone.. get into everything ya can.. or whine to be picked up.. so never fun to talk anyways.. whatever I call my cousin at least once everyother week.. she works days.. I work nights.. and 1/2 the time there is no answer but I leave messages. Pissy at my aunt for callin my grandma bitchin about that.. you gotta problem come call me... poor grandma.

I can really have a problem when it comes to my aunt... long... long long ass story. I love her to death.. well but somethings errrr like putting my grandma into and 100's of other people in situations that don't involve things is wrong and pisses me off. Cant' say my cousin has came seen me since she's moved... and i've been to their apartment 4 times since there move. And I can only recall 2 times she's called and the 1 time was when she was wasted and called me at work even. Whatever .. So 2 people kinda hurting me now.. more I write more pissy I'm getting.

Can't make everyone happy no matter how hard ya try can ya. Bugs the crap outta me if ya can't tell. I should go get happy doing something constructive.. but what??? OK got it.. I may be back

Baby Girl

My Cousin called they had a new baby girl.. named her Kelsey at 1243am last night.. they are coming home he's in the airforce and lives 10 hours away but has some time off now so I'll be able to see her next week when they are back! So excited I love babies I bought her the cutest outfits 2 weeks ago! Anyways I'm super busy my bro called he's an hour away but not dropping my cell phone off cuz has to get home has a class 2nite.. thinking he'll come home this weekend so that's cool glad he made it home safe.. well almost home lives 2 hour north from where he was yet to go.

DO NOT FORGET

Note to myself:
MAIL TAXES in this week! Jeez I had them done the night I got my W2's LOL.. just need to mail it all off!

Where Time Flies

Where does the time go? Seems like I am not getting anything done round here.. then again it seems like I should b going back to work already tomorrow night and I'm not that's a good thing I guess. So my oldest son spent the night at my grandparents so after supper I dug into his room.. OMG a 11 year olds bedroom what a mess. I sorted thru his stuff the begining of the school year with him and told him to keep things nice like that n he cleans and pick up but found he trashes it all in boxes and hides it in ever nook n cranny. OMGosh it's crazy I hauled out 3 bags of clothes he never wears and 20 boxes of junk and 3 bags of garbage.

He called after supper to say Hi and I told him I was in his room.. and going to throw everything away cuz he doesn't take care of it nor does he play with toys really anymore anyways. He said he'd pay me LMAO.. whatever not but told him I expect him to keep it clean and organized from now on.. I wasn't mad.. I remember when I was his age and my mom gettin on me about the same thing. He just has a lot of junk and can't throw things away. I'm just helping him. Most times I make him clean with me and sort.. but it's worse cuz he's like Nooo I want that or yeah I'll play with that.. and next 10 months he's never touched the stuff.

I found a ton of jeans and pants he's never wore tags still on some of them.. n shirts.. Called my girlfriend who has 3 boys she's taken all the clothes! That's cool. I havn't heard from my bro yet 2day found out yesterday he's got my cell phone ya see.. and it roams out there and they've called and and yacked with people since he's had it for a couple hours.. DUH it's .59 cents an minute.. that's like $60 bucks for 100 minutes... grrrr I get 50 free roaming minutes so that's cool but I don't wanna pick up the rest of the tab but will I guess.. but now he keeps the phone off since yesterday after he realized the roam thing so I don't know where he is.. once he gets outta denver should be OK to use again thought he was on his way home 2nite but not sure.

I'm tired I think or somethings buggin me not cheerful or something. Not bored well kinda... wish I knew people up this late to get 2gether with or could go out n do something. Chilly again only 35 degrees outside burrr was nicer 2day 55 kids n I got 2 play outside so that was nice. OK gotta clean up my puter wonder if my Dell will get in by the weekend?

Time Change

I just can't get into the time change thing... I'm all goofed up and so are the little ones...

No Nap

Screw the nap I've got way to much to do.. now I called my grandparents over for supper n cake n ice cream as well.. what was I thinking.. I still have no menu to serve for supper yet either. HELP. Made angle food cake.. and using strawberries I have from my garden last year with some sugar to make a topping and I'll pick up some cool whip. But for supper? What the hell to make. N thanks to my friend for watching out for my neck. I have to shower and get busy I'll just start flippin my cookbooks until something strikes out at me. And a present OMG what's wrong with me I still don't have anything for the honey hubs. I know what he wants and something he'll have to go pick out and buy but I'd still like to get him something else. I am thinking a massage from this club in town. I dont' know??? anyways.. K gotta go can't wait til 10 2nite.. when it's bedtime I"m tucking hubs in good n staying.. for a full nites sleep!

and I think I finally got my shares back on Blogshares just gotta wait for the spider 2 visit n buy buy buy.. hehehe:) I'm not in the top 100 players anymore either bummer:( Lost about 3K this weekend.

Snow???

A chance of light snow this afternoon... ohhh I thought it was spring. Sooo tired this morning and I have a major headache. I want to take a long snooze this the kids nap time this afternoon but not sure I should cuz I have lots to do. Told hubs last week since I worked on his bday I'd make him something special for supper 2nite and a cake and ice cream too. So I have to make a cake.. and then this morning he asked me so what's for supper 2nite I was like OMGosh I don't have everything I need to make it even.

Just got off the phone BigT called said all kinda of things that makes me feel a little bad now. I'll have to go over somenight this week as a friend and do that friend thing/talk n appologize cuz thinkin he's thinkin too much if that makes sence. I mean I appreciated the call n all and love 2b friends n I wasn't myself on the phone cuz I'm so tired n he was too happy n nice n he's always plentiful in his compliments almost too much if that makes sence??? n him saying it was all his idea to call 2 come over. Then it's kinda coupleish which intensified with the phone conversation yet puzzled cuz he said something about J that said something about me a time b4 but J said that about him 2me another time LOL. Confused I don't want to think about it that way but leave it as is. Actually it's all good yet said comments leave me with this bad cloud hangin now.

Ohhh I feel like crap I should eat something. I have to clean n the sound of my vaccum is so loud I wish I didn't have to.. n laundry OMG laundry lots of it. I love mondays yet hate them. I wish it would snow in a way. White is so pretty. My brother n new sister-n-law should've had their ceremony by now. 10MST.. ohhhh I wish I could've been there. Getting married on the top of 7fall park. Sure it's beautiful. Kids are WILD.

So I'm dead get home hubs mad then not wild n a long story I surley comment on more later but wasn't at all what I wanted well a bit just not with that person so much as happpned n it was something else I cant realy type I had better get some zzzzzs

Too much to Say

Sometimes I just have too much to write or say and just not enough time. Plus I'm super tired after the long nite last night. Was hubs Bday had a nice time.. he came out to eat where I work with the little ones then came back out later and him and I went out. He was feeling good and we had fun.. but long night.. cuz didn't actually get to bed till way after 4am and up with the kids early so he could snooze in later for once.

Work was fun 2nite had a bday party in the banquet room makes time go faster. Have to get up for church in the am. Wish they had a afternoon service.. i'm so not a morning person. I shouldn't be thinking things I'm thinkin cuz I'm sopose to be a nice friend right. OK yeap.. so then anyways my brother got married 2day.. or headed out to CO last night at midnight to get married.. in all truth legally he already is.. but having the ceremony today I guess. I'm so bummed I didn't get to go.. or see it.. but under the circumstances I understand and just happy and wish them both the best! They both want to have a re-newly of vows in church when she comes back from overseas.. and/or reception and stuff then. Still no set date on when her unit will be deployed.

Ever have too much sex? I think last night I had too much seldom happens but hubs being the bday boy he was.. was lasting forever think drinking had something 2 do with it as well.. but I finally had sex with a 31 year old. Was funny cuz we teased around about it all yesterday never been with a 31 year old b4.. made it exciting. He's been horn doggy all day maybe it's the feelin he's older whatever the case it's all good with me. Sometime I wonder if he isn't scared of me sometimes or afriad he's not doing things right sometimes that he never initiates the act.. or maybe he's just used to me always. Funny how it really does seem each relationship has 2 partners so different in some ways.. same in others.. but still funny.

Like for me n him after he hits his pillow it's 20 seconds and he's out.. b4 it used to be we could lay awake n talk or touch n now it's like in the middle of my sentence he's snoring. He tries the romance thing but just isn't what it used to be... and ends up frustrtating me cuz I think he should know after being 2gether 6 years this next week. We got together on the 10th of april 6 years ago. Think he tries 2 hard sometimes yeah.. or mabe it's me expecting something new.. not that I'm bored I'm usually the one to do things the way I want it and get it anyways... but guess that's my only complaint would be nice to not be that person always and have him initiate it.. yeah whatever why am I on this subject anyways. I'm so not complaining.. again just thinking of something else I shouldn't be again as too much always...

Ever just wanna grab someone n hold them tight n just kiss n touch n get so turned on n excited like back when love was just first new n those little butterflies with lil flip flops of nerves spinning round in your head... and you just wanna be n feel like that forever cuz it's so nice. Yeah.. and make that person feel that same way like nothing else in the world matters but for that one second n moment but just that. Yeap I'm answering my own questions.. but I was good.. yeap... should I be?

Ok gotta hit the sack.. hehe