Dude, I'm gettin a Dell

Went up and ordered my new puter. Hubs more excited than me I think... just that I've had such a love/hate relationship with my compaq for the past 3 1/2 years I'll be sad saying goodbye to it. Then I have that icky task of copying and burning my files and some programs to transfer to my new one that will take me a bit too I'm sure. I have a week till the new one gets here. But in the mean time I need to take this tower up and get a new burner or the one in there fixed for my bro. Can't believe how cheep it was.. and it's 10 x's what this one is. So outta 40G's hardrive memory I'm using 38G's... OMGosh I thought about rebooting the whole system back to what it was when I bought it so it's brand new for my bro but there are several programs he wants and mp3's he said he'd keep as well so I'm just goin to have to plug thru everything and remove as much as I think he doesn't need. Stuck until I get my burner to start removing

Happy Bday Hubs!

Got home just in time to tucky hubs in while he's still 30 sopose it will be the last time I'll get to sleep with a 30 year old.. lol.. so I pretended to say night then a few minutes later jumped into bed n said I have to have ya one last time.. anyways it was cute.. he was too.. funny too. So now he's officially 31. Happy BDay honey!

Work was slow but it was kinda crappy outside rainy misty and cold.. 27 out now.. chilly was so slippery earlier 2day. Catching up on the news.. and folding clothes to do now. Going up to pick out a new puter tomorrow my lil bro going to buy mine.. sopose I had better work on cleaning up files and burning off copies of my important stuff b4 then huh?? YEAH. So lots of work to do on here. Wonder how windows XP works n if I'll like it. So used to win98-2nd edition... heard some good things and some not.. oh well I'll figure it out i'm sure. Thinking a flat screen would be cool. Not sure at all. 1st off I want to be sure it has everything I want.. as far as graphics n storage and some cool game playing features cuz this one I have now lacks that most. OK I'll off for now to get busy.

Secert

So I called my lil bro last night to yack and he told me this huge thing I can't say but I wanna.. cuz it's such great news but will try not to talk about it... anyways we talked for an hour and 1/2.. it was 1am when we hung up. It's so cold and rainy.. 30Degrees right now.. and to think it was 75 on monday. Sopose the rain will freeze some even being so chilly. I do have 2 work 2nite. I do not feel like I got much of anything done this week round the house.. it's OK looks good yet.

I'm feeling a little detached.. if a person can feel that way. I feel like I need to call all my relatives n such cuz I havn't talked to most of them since Christmas. Easter is coming but 1/2 them are either working or all my cousins are going to their in-laws and such now were all older we don't get together as much.. and living 2 hours away from most of them and more as well. I think i'll call a few this afternoon and say HI how r u kinda thing.
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Wonder if it will be busy with the chilly weather. I want to go to work.. then again I don't. T called me yesterday to talk and was telling me some things and how sun she felt someone was mean at her.. then by talking to someone else realized it has nothing to do with her. Errrrr I wish I didn't answer the phone. Just get that bad gutty feelin when I have to talk to her on a person level although I do think she is sincere with some comments.. for the most part I just feel it's a slap in the face.. as far as a friend goes.. and it's not that backstabbin it's the straight out feeling I know something and she's gotta know I know or think.. and to pussy foot around it or even the topic of the till pisses me instantly off. She goes ya know another waitress tried 2 go into the till the night she worked 4 me. Then says I don't know if I'd trust her. Whatever OMG don't start with me lady. Again that fustration feeling. I'm not going to worry my pretty head about it anymore and just hope 2nite is the night.

Then when I say that.. or am thinking it.. it's like an evil plot or something. waiting hoping for the snake to strike again. LOL i'm crazy somedays. It's just that it's not the same.. and the feelings there not the same.. the trust the friendship and it sucks tryin to pretend it is. The only thing I enjoy most about my job is the customers.. and most others i work with yes too.. Just walking in the door that 1st twinge of doubt is wiped away once I see a smile or something nice said..and I can redirect my thoughts into happy ones. Am I making any sense LOL..

again that detached feeling I need a hug moment... just to say Hey Huggies ohhhh thanks. OK I have to start lunch soon bye!

Bored

Ever been bored.. really bored.. so bored you don't know what to do.. but things you could do or want you don't even wanna do. That's me 2nite. Nothing striking me.. do me.. just sitting here blank minded wondering what to do.. what to surf around for or whatever.. no one on to even chat:( Ohhh speak of the devil OK someone's online now.. off to say hi to her!

Day Off -Off Blogshares

I have to get used to thinking most my nights are going to be consumed with more n more work. I just can't wait until it's nice everyday.. think it was 70's and right now it's maybe 40 and colder tomorrow.. burrrr I just wanted to get out and dig in the garden some more. Can't plant here til mid-late may. My baby needs a haircut again already. He as such wild mild curls I think cute thought after other hair cuts when it grew back the curls would be gone but nope still there! Cute.. I have straight as an arrow hair.

So I have laundry to catch up on today. My BlogShares Account still isn't working well my user name profile is OK i'm listed #65 or something but I can't ever make more or anything really cuz my blog won't list ... did one day didn't the next.. then did again.. but last couple days not again. :( Dont' get it.

April Fools Day

LOL the post below 2nd paragraph was yeah all a april fools joke.. did get a few chuckles out of it! Hope to have not scared anyone. Worked private party 2nite went well. If I said I had a way for everything you buy normally you can buy on the internet from yourself at wholesale and 20-80% off retail price... and get a check everymonth of 3-25% off your total amount you spent.. wouldn't you buy everything online? I'm going to. Instead of going to sears or walmart and buying there I go thru my own accout to theirs and get money back by buying online. it's a program you can't lose on even just for yourself cuz of all the time and money I'd save buying things I buy everyday. Anyways You want some new nike's levi's a new bed from slumberland or some power tools from sears let me know.. 100's of companys have teamed up.. 100's I mean you can buy everything online.. from 100's of name stores for so much less and the added montly bonus's well hey extra! If I spend $200 for a low example a month on just everyday house stuff I will get approx $66 bucks back in my pocket. Now I don't know about you but I can't remember the last time I went to walmart or hy-vee and they handed me a check back in that amount after I paid. Anyways if you find your buying online anything.. anyone can do this and the products are endless.. I'm shopping best buy now.. so want that new digital camera the same one I looked at my weekend off I can get here for $120 less now and make that bonus pts as well. Maybe I'm crazy but I've never done anything crazy b4 so what the hell and I believe in this so.. yeah! Go me...

On another note. I'm so wanting to go wake up hubs and tuck him in again. Work was nice.. nice people. It was beautiful out again tday outside again most the day with the kids. K I'm off to work on some things. Chow for now

Hot and OMG's

It's only 63 Degrees out but the temp gauage in my house says 84 and keeps raising. The sun hits this house and warms it up like an oven... sucks cuz yesterday when it was 75 and like 100 in here I could open all the windows and it was really really windy so the breeze just blew thru and was nice but 2day there is no wind and it's hotter then hell sucks.. Don't feel like doing anything just sitting outside most the later morning and now playing with the kids and watching them play outside.. much cooler.

Now onto other disturbing thoughts.. OK yeah I've been haunted by this but it's possible I'm pregnant of course being a woman blah blah but this morning I'm almost 99% sure I am. Yeah the signs have been there. I called my mom and told her I'm moving down to nashville next summer after school is out. And I think I'm quiting my job or giving my 2 weeks 2nite at work and leaving my hubs. I packed up all his stuff and sat it all out the front door so when he gets home he can hit the highway. I also started my bed on fire this morning with a hot ash so my comforter and sheets are all ruined. I cut my own hair and accidently chunked out a big chunk in my bangs.. looks crazy 1/2 my front 1/2 missing now. My brother called last night and was in accident and his car totalled and he got 120 stitches down his face. My cat ran away have been looking frantically for him all morning... he has no claws and never outside but got out and now's gone. What else???

Updated:.. OK yeah the paragraph above is all a joke.. APRIL FOOLS DAY.. I love hubs wouldn't leave him for much of anything and sorry to my bro and my hair's fine and my kitty is laying by me now.. and I'm not preggy I'm always careful and I'm not about to burn up my feather down comforter. hehehe :)

Wow

What a powerful night I'm so excited about this one thing that I so want to believe in and do and get everyone I care and love to do cuz it just makes sence. I'm not going to start cuz I won't stop cuz I'm just flying round.. but anyways had a wonderful day.. it was beautiful out over 70 degrees and nice again tomorrow me and the kids outside most the afternoon/day just playing and I had some more summery clothes on just beautiful. Spring fever. I work tomorrow night for a private party.. and 2nite spent in meeting for 3 hours.. then again on wed from 6 till 10 in meetings.. Not much time in the nights but wth I still have my days to love my kids and do that fun stuff.

So excited my bosses found out their baby is girl! She's not due til mid summer but exciting! I already have a lil gift bought last sat I bought a blue thing and a pink thing.. hubs says whats up with both I said just sooo cute I couldn't resist buying them both until they know what they are having.. hehehe I figure the boys thing I can put up as someone I know's always having a baby sometime anyways... Just as long as it's not a sign I'm preggy and it's a boy LOL being stuck with this.

OK I'm so wired and so springy fever wish it was earlier and I could get out and go somewhere do something but the normal world sleeps as does everything in this town.. so I'm just here with tons of energy feel like running around the house dancing or something. Swimming sounds nice or a tennis match or a walk with the puppy.. wish i felt this entergetic at say noon instead of 1223am. K going to go do something. Nite

PhoneHead

OMG talked on the phone for last hour with a friend here in town. He's a riot and sure made me smile. Nice to have someone call just in time to really make you smile. OK so now it's serious monday time... kids are going to nap in a bit and I've gotta kick butt round the house cleaning to just get it done for the week. I so want to take a little snooze while the kids are but don't dare .. too much to do n catch up on.

I'm thinking my positive monday things...

Off work today
Hubs felt good this morning
Kids are healthy and so fun!
J had great wrestling season that he enjoyed
Spring is here for sure I think
Were are healthy and happy
Getting my house clean
My New PS2 game is awesome
Crocheting baby things
Others smiling makes me smile!
I am loved and love others
I am on my diet again for 3 weeks
I've lost 25lbs this year

OK enough positive things for the moment at least I gotta get to work.

Heavy-Hearted

Woke up at nine.. errrrr tired. Went up to the other bar after work last night with co-workers for some games.. cards were fun I didn't overdrink or anything but had a couple but didn't get home til the wee hours of the morning which I'm sure i'll feel later 2day and 2night with all the company coming over. Stayed even later chatting with the owner.. for the most part I j1st just listened and the other agreed.. about all you learn to do in my occupation is just agree speically when people are drinking. I may strongly disagree.. but when I do I just say I know what your saying.. not completly dishonest.. LOL or nod and say I understand.. exactly. This leaves it open for the to believe what I believe in their own mind.

I must learn to push away people I like to think care... so that I don't care too much and get that upsetting feeling. Driving home last night again I saw the 3 roads my life is leading in or more 3 people. Why these 3 are my biggest influences right now and why. Logically I understand why/when/where/how n what of it all. I appreciate all they add to life but I also felt anger maybe intrigued by anothers comments later but not a firey anger but a anger of hurt. Like someone hurts you n your not even sure why but your angry cuz you put your own self in that situation anger.

also pointed I am the controll person and dominant other. Stated I like the other side as well. Whatever??? confusing me now but made sence then. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could handle whatever.. I thought I wouldn't care that much.. I should've known better and yeah it is the controll thing cuz for this time at least I am NOT in controll of a situation. So from now on it's all me baby.. Not that I'd ever go off n b a bitch or something or mean to others I will stay the same there but when it comes to me and what I want/feel I'm not going to allow myself to be in situations where I feel or could feel this hurt. Keeping away the negative on a positive monday right?

Friends... wonderful thing.. If I was your friend I would try to be the person you could trust your life with and care about and go outta your way to make your day and smile! The kinda friend I'd wanna be and have that you think of and smile. But when a friend turns the other way or does something you can't agree with or feel good about at you.. hurts.. and when does it cross that line that you dont' want to be friends with them anymore? Is that a possibility for me I don't know. Even the longest life friends that have hurt me along the way I still care for and think of in positive ways. But to continue feelings of hurt in and out with confusing ideas.. how does one correct that friendship? Communication I sopose duh.. but nothing to talk about specific without stating the facts.. and as blunt as I can be I can't be. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Best to take a deep breathe...

I for the most part am myself.. do what I want when I want knowing exactly what I am doing. It's just some actions speak louder and louder. Ohhh I havn't had a amy moment like this for awhile.. that deep thinking mind twirling thoughts of whatever. I always find speaking whatever I think most theraputic and rewarding for my soul. Whoever reads this hasn't a clue as to what I really feel n think.. then again they are probably the only people in the world that know the real me inside and out. Just wish I had a encyclopedia to decode all the jumble into one phrase.. one feeling.. one thought.. one action.. one reason as to why. can anyone sum it up so easily? I can't obviously.

I think I pay attention too much to details and gestures and eyes. Maybe I am seeing the truth in all that and should just say so be it.. it is done. Although the slightest smile or wink or touch or word or action releases a million feelings in me tward a positive reaction.. the same things directed another way in opposite words.. looks.. comments.. n eyes release a million negative reactions. It is as if I'm being split on feelings I probably shouldn't feel anyways right? But ya know you can't win cuz when it comes to friends your going to feel that about anyone you care about.. if you didn't care it wouldn't hurt now would it amy? For to love is to hurt.. without hurting it is to say you don't care. If I didn't care nothing would matter..

SO what the hell this post is too funny cuz I am just talking outta myass about nothing.. just whatever I think.. One I will read later in the day/night and refocus on the highpoints and make a educated guess later on my real feelings and what I must do to rectify these before they hurt me more. Yeap I'm upset and at the same time I blame myself but know it's not as in many situations all my own. I think it was the one phrase I heard just one little question that started this whole thing. Wonder if people realize what they are saying someone hears and thinks and some things touch another in a way thats hurtful. I like to think friends specially shouldn't try to put this upon another friend and whats upsetting most. And could be these people don't even realize what they are doing or saying maybe.. maybe not.. but still remains said and done and the end of the story.

BlogShares

I love fantasy stock games... here's a new one.. and look I'm under top 100 players.. #14 WOW almost in the top 10. Anyways it's new and I'm just trying it!

State!

Where do I start It's been a really long weekend! Josh didn't place at the state wreslin tourny but sure had fun and his eyes glowed when looking around the arena with all the people and other boys. He made a lot of friends from other towns with boys he's wrestled along the way and had fun chatting with them. He was upset he didn't place the last match he lost by 1 point.. the clock said 9 seconds left he tried a new move and you could see in his face once he was under his fustration and he knew he should've done that other move... He did well as did all the boys. Overall he is happy with his season and says he'll remember it forever!

Long day I had gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep friday night and up at 430 and didn't make it that long got home round 6 and slept until 730.. nap hubs even let me I was shoot. Tired still today after sleepin midnight til 10 this morning. Gotta work 2nite. Played "payday" the game last night with J and hubs was fun I won by 100 dollars hehehe was so close. Played PS2 hubs new fishing game.. we 3 took turns fishing for 5 minutes and weighed in and whoever had biggest fish the other 2 would have to pay a quarter think my son took $3 off hubs and I.. it was fun.

We were invited over to some friends for drinks at 10 but was so tired we didn't make it. Ohhhh I better go too much to do 2day.