Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Snow's Coming

OK so Wrestling tourney start tomorrow for J's season and according to our local weather stations prediciting per an email I got from 13-15 inches for total saturday of snow, and an additional 10-12 inches on Sunday... don't think J will be going to his dads which I hate being put in the situation I have to tell his dad that cuz he gets so pissy, but geez like I want my son out in a snow storn traveling anyways for a whoppin 15 hours at his house which most of it will be spent sleeping. Nope. Anyways Gotta get my zzz's myself and puppy wants in it's cold :) Nite

Friday, January 23, 2004

Beddy Bye

Started the post then started to chat and got too worked up in an excited kinda way so now i'm off to bed :) ;) hehe Just love my big soft yet firm bed. Fresh soft newly washed bedsheet, pretty pink and i'm about to go slide in. Nitey Nite

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Past Posts

OMG don't do this often but was Reading these Posts from last year, exactly a year ago and I'm like OMG... the things I wrote/said/thought how after a year it seems like those thoughts feelings were like 5 years ago... not just 365 days. Time flys then it doesn't. OK hahaha at least I can chuckle bout it now!

Nite Out

Just finished ghost ship it was OK loved the ending. Hubs n I went out for supper with another couple and went to the movie Somethings Gotta give... it was a good movie too, Parts of it though made me think of my mom and dad, and mid-life crisis and when she was like crying and crying I wanted to cuz my mom would call last year so often crying like that and kinda made me uncomfy duriing the movie stupid I know.. and the sex scene's once I leaned over and said OMG it's like my parents having sex or something.. .. but loved the movie it was really good i'd suggest it, weird parts I'm sure are just personal to me.

I know the one part when they are on the beach having a 'picnic' and wine and walking along the beach, they are laughing and talking sitting on a blanket and I'm thinking That's what I want when I'm in my 50's... the thought to be able to sit and talk with someone and laugh and have fun like that in that era of my life I find comforting for some silly reason. Then I'm like I doubt Hubby would ever have wine with me not that that's a biggy, but he's not very vocal or leading or chatty romantic like that.. I don't think that will make me love him less nor does it now, just during that scene the thought crossed my mind that I probably will never be able to connect one on one that way with him or any man - - geez that sounds horriable doesn't it.. for me to say at least. I'm into that passion thing and guess it's buggin me with hubs... hahaha so everything in my life/thoughts seem to revolve round that at least for this second.

Just some spark missing I don't feel stimulated at all sometimes and I want to be yes... and same as always he's chicken in the bed or something I'm like throwing myself at him and I start to whine and ignore him and he's all like just standing there and not saying anything I"m finally i'm like what do you want.. and he's like well just being with you.. and I'm like so are you going to do me or what?? and he's like I'd like to.. and it's so ruining my mood then cuz he's so funny about it.. and i'm like damn hun if you want me take me, want me, geez i was throwing myself at you to limits i set and he's like I' was scared you were getting upset and mad at me and I didn't know what to do.. well I'm going to be mad when You do nothing at all.. better to say/do something if even just Hey baby ... or smile or hugs.

OMG i am so bad .. I just hate myself sometimes for talking so silly stupid about the man i'm 'in love' with. We had a nice night out and when we got home we eventually hit the bed together and he was cute, but sometimes cute gets old and at one point I'm like I'm going to fall sleep if you don't do something soon.. hahahah OMG again I can't believe i write this shit sometimes but geez sometimes I just roll my eyes like wtf

K gotta keep with the positives:
Cute Hubby 2nite did/said:
`~ I saved a new pair of boxers to wear out just for 2nite
~ Him laughing about something I didn't catch but he was really laughing
~ Kissing his neck he got totally ticklish and giggled and squirmed all over and I couldn't touch him for like 2 minutes
~ Volunteering to stay and watch movie with me cuz too afraid to get me into the bedroom I think or thought I really wanted that over him??? still don't know that but funny now

Yeap I need to focus on the fun/good stuff stead of the things that bug me cuz they're much smaller that the stupid things anyways right. Funny I have to sit and think of so many other guys and friends and their hubs and think what am I doing with Hubs, yet it's so obvious at the same time. Each relationship has it's own theme I guess.. .that makes sense to me :) I like that. feelings are different with each, some are really growing on me.

Leads me to topic of Sun night at T's wow did that ever throw me totally off my rocker. Not all in a bad way, just surprised with myself cuz no desire for T in that way and how it always ends up were together and my mind was on another totally and how it switched and .. OMG that's it.. I have no controll in that situation.. holy shit i figured it out.. at least for the night I don't have any controll and in my mind in those kinda thoughts I have a whole different image and imagine a senerio of my own and of course that's perfect hahaha..

I need to cut back on the fantasy life and get into reality don't I. There is so much I want to do/say somedays. I'll probably get into that night more later. for now I Better go.

Sunday, January 18, 2004


It's sunday:) didn't make it up for church got up to pea sat there couldn't even open my eye lips they were like glued. Slept til 11 kids went bad me, hubs made lunch and then him and boys left, J had friend spend the night. I'm here sitting kinda pissy at hubs again nothing new I guess.. just geez last night he calls me at work at 930 to say goodnight and I'm like huh? I got up with kids you slept til 10 and you've only been up 11 1/2 hours and going to bed won't wait for me? He's like I sleep different hours i'm going to bed all crabby like. well fine then I thought and hung up pissy.

Night b4 he was in bed. So whatever happened to one night a week I go to bed with him, one night a weekend he'll stay up a little later and be with me.. shit that's been months and i think it only happened like twice at that. And friday I was home earlier and still was sleeping when I got home and wouldn't wake up. doesn't feel like he's making much time for me like he said he was going to try to do after that last week blow-ups. Who knows I know I worked all weekend so he's got the next 3 nights to try and come onto me with a plan or even 20 minutes alone, but I'm not going to even try, which really pisses me off and hurts when he doesn't and hurts when i have to tell him to cuz it's like come on try a little here.. damn i keep going over and over about the same stupid subject in my life right now don't i. it's just so frustrating.. K i know I wasn't goingto bitch about it ever again wasn't I. K no more. Gotta stay positive. Better go

I'm wired

So it's like 315 but I'm so wide awake, work was busy and fun 2nite was nice to keep my mind occupied. My grandma's cousin who's more my mom's age, my 3rd cousin 48 died today the nicest guy... sad. Finding out minutes after you get to work it's hard to regroup but the busyness was great! Was late though was 210 b4 everyone left then J the waitress wanted to party up the hill cuz R & J where there and they stayed and chatted with me forever til like 230 and i'm like come on people I gotta go but that's a norm for bar closing time. R was full and can get talky and J was drunk and she can drink a lot. 1st time in a long time I was in the mood to drink.. or go up the hill, it's been almost 3 months since i've gone up there and tied a good one on or stayed after or when out period at that.

So someone touches ya 2nite just a poke and I get a wiff of smell good they have on and instant desire. Another weird thing and something that hasn't been for awhile yet hit me hard 2nite, but i wanted them, so naughty... huh. anyways I have a feeling I'm so not going to be up for church at 730. Kids can still go to sunday school who knows maybe I will feel like going? but it's like 2 below zero burrrr... I'm so not in the mood to sleep no one's on to chat with and I mean no one... outta all my log in names no one... that's like 100 contacts... everyone's probably getting some loving but me. Ohhhh oh well. Thank goodness tomorrow is sunday and i think this next week I havn't a thing to really do, but oh yeah a funeral now. Dang I'm thinking of someone a lot 2nite ... oh shit 330am.. gotta go