Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, October 04, 2003

death throat

Ohhhh yesterday I thought I had maybe screamed all night since I had the scratchiest throat or I'd givin a hell of a BJ but this morning as I awoke and tried to talk and it was like OUCH omg and ewwww I'm burning up and feeling like I want to puke and I can't swallow I must have streap throat or something and my sinus's are all swollen.. ewww omg I am getting sick.. I havn't been sick forever. I mean I can't remember last time I was ill... but it usually takes me a lot to get sick or be sick but I don't know what onset this but I have to work 2nite which sucks.. cuz my head feels like it's going to blow but I know tomorrow will be the real killer.. ewww

So i just picked up the phone and its Big T calling me.. he's going out on a real 'drunk' tonight and wants me to make sure I take him home. Hummm ok now I told myself I wasn't going to do that anymore or with him and he's beggin for a ride and hubby is like I can give him a ride if he needs one cuz I'm bitching at myself for saying I could if he was ready to go when I got off.. and T's like well come up blah blah.. I feel like crap wish I didn't then i don't know l... nooo noo me... i gotta run quick brb

Friday, October 03, 2003


LMAO i'm so stupid... omg i read this post that I didn't even know I was online and wrote anything and looking at the time OMG late what the hell??? I'm never drinking again.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003


Cut baby Z's hair and hubby's funny thing on his was I grabbed the clippers since he want's to be shaved last 2 haircuts but I grabbed the 1/4 inch gaurd instead of the 1/2 or 1 inch clipper OPPS.. so his hair is super douper short. Opps.. oh well I think it looks ok and it grows fast.. told him he could shave me if he wanted too LOL:) Had lots of fun teasing bout that. Lil Z's hair is cute:) of course I didn't use clippers on him.. although I attempted to clip my oldest son's since he's growing his out.. it's way too long and in his eyes drives me nuts.

Busy Busy night was fun I'll write more about it later but now I'm off to shower and get me some.. hubs showering now and he poured me some wine and said meet me in the bedroom so I'm off.. maybe i'll be back???


Another day off what to accomplish today.. hummm I have a list a mile long I better get busy huh.. just can't motivate myself till after lunch I'm so not a morning person and kids are so good in the morning would be better if I got my shit together and busy then too. Oh well. :) :) lol almost time to start thinking about what to make for lunch.. I know I'm making mini pizza's on english muffins :) MmMmm different and fun for little ones.

Wed night means church night again. Our fall program started last week and we didn't go.. but have to this week J is in the youth group and puppets at 545 till 630. 630-8 is family night something new they started this year where you bring all your kids and family and they have games and food and activities and crafts set up stations or something I didn't quite grasp it when they were talking about it in church last sunday. Figure best we just go and see what it's all about. Could be fun whole church young and old hanging huh. I should call this afternoon and see about Middleschool Youth Fellowship cuz I'm not sure on the ages/times/programs as J is now a middleschooler he's not in the same programs he's been in since kindergarden.

One good thing about Wed night church that's awesome is it's at night.. I'm not a morning person and sunday mornings are blahhhh after working all weekend. 1/2 alseep in church this way at least I can be awake and had the day off. Which reminds me I have to call my babysitter and cancel for tomorrow... hubs no truck to pick the kids up.

So I decided to ask her to watch the kids on tuesdays or wednesdays instead.. probably tuesday for 1/2 the day and that way I can do my thing run my errands and maybe get somethings done that need to get done:) I need to start thinking Xmas too.. shopping too :) 5 kids to buy for sucks. The little kids are great tons of things they love.. just the bigger kids.. stuff they want is way over spending limit or they just don't know when you ask them what they'd like..

OK I had planned on hitting the gym this afternoon but 1st I have to get busy here :) lets see how much I can do in the next 2 hours:)

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Phone Callin

I hadda ton of clothes to fold did about 10 loads of laundry today so decided while kids napping and me folding I'd call my mom. She was OK didn't say much of anything.. teased if she was coming home anytime??? talked about how I'd love to come but circumstances always come up that don't allow it.. (hubs truck now) not that that is a major distraction but for now it is today that is.. but she sounded nothing even thought of yet on their part for the holidays that's OK I guess.. But I just felt dis-attached with our conversations.. maybe it's just me yet I don't know I've been pretty happy 2day.

I guess I just assume that my life is here.. my kids my hubby, jobs.. friends.. my parents live away.. and that's OK.. just that I something feels funny there. Maybe it's talks with my dad the past year or two or mom or that their home is there now and that I havn't been there I'm not part of it.. nor will I ever be??? Silly of me I'm sure. And it isn't like My mom or me ever had that close of a relationship and my dad and me didn't for sure.. during high school ya know I was not doing anything they wanted me to do and when i got preggy at 18 that was the end of my ties toward "'home' and that's ok.. but tht distanced me further and now that I have kids of my own and as they grow I find myself wishing I had a 'real' relationship with my folks but just have to realize I probably never will. I look at hubs and omg he has no family around ever and I wonder if that ever bugs him???

Holidays are up and coming and I am just trying to decide something different for my family this year. Maybe a trip or a mini vacation. I actually thought about reserving a room down by hubby's hometown picking up the girls.. get joining hotel rooms or something and spending thanksgiving in a hotel?? Does that sound silly or non-thanksgiving like?? LOL I'm used to the traditional turkey and 20 course meal with family, cousins and friends .. but cousins all moved and grown and gone and all have familys of their own.. and we still get together for xmas... just I don't feel like doing the traditional thanksgiving this year like I've done the past 3.. my grandparents .. my aunt and uncle from 2 hours away and their dogs and sometimes my other aunt and uncle in town but not usually if my grandparents come it's stupid family fued story there.. but anyways.. I want to start by doing something different.. almost wish I had a big house we're I'd invite everyone that feels as lost as I do. LOL..

So what's for supper at my house.. I put a roast with carrots and potatos in my nummy sauce all in the over at 3.. I scooped out some acorn squash to put in and made Jello-jigglers. Watermelon flavored for dessert., I still have to make this cream of broccoli soup I found the recipe online it sounds nummy, but I don't have any fat-free evaporated milk.. I'll have to hit the store quick when J gets home from school.


I had the most dreams ever last night all crazy and vivid. Sopose it's cuz I actually slept and went to bed b4 hubs. I almost didn't like that because I must have woke up 10 times in the night awake... so in and out of it dreaming. Once I went to Nashville to visit and I was driving and I remember these big freeways and exits and tourists.. and getting to my parents was there house but not really and visiting my bro's house.. maybe that's all cuz my bro and sister in law told me they looked at houses to buy all last week.. so my dad offered to help them.. anyways I went to some werid resturants looking for them and meet up with other people I know from up here and it was all nutty.. and hubs wasn't with me but antoher guy. I don't know if I had kids or not they weren't in the dream but I remember when looking round that I thought my parents house too small since I had kids. And then I'm back on that freeway driving again and next thing I'm moving there and even though I live near my parents now and brother I choose to move outside 20 minutes from the city.. and even though I move there to be near to them I never see them... nothing new from back here in my head I thought.. but what fun to visit the city and do all that stuff. OK so I awake.. werid dreams... was fun crusing round with these guys on the freeways LOL or visiting those exotic dinning places and I can still remember the rooms in the houses.. really vivid.

So that's one dream out of the 10 others. The other dreams all involved wild sex .. nothing new there. And it was awesome not the sex itself as much as the ways of getting/doing it were. And when I went to bed I had no desire what-so-ever to have sex.. My mouth is so sore.. decided not to get my back wisdom or top pulled since the top is all the way in and the bottom is almost thru.. they will be good chewing teeth???? That's why the dentist thought at least for now.. so working on the top row a filling I needed and making wedges inbetween my teeth since that wisdom tooth came in it crowded my teeth and it's so hard to floss and overlapping not yet but could so he shoved these wedges in and OMG cuts and digs into my gums... they are sooo sore and puffy still this morning Ouchie:( :( teary over it and I don't want to smile or eat or even drink since the one tooth he filled hurts when i drink something cold now. Never did that b4.. sopose your teeth are sensitive after a filling ??? I don't know but it hurts a lot.. and didn't hurt b4 and I hope it goes away cuz it's on a more front tooth and I'm hungry and thirsty. LOL

whatever anyways I slept from 930 till 930 omg... way to much wasted time there... oh well

Monday, September 29, 2003

Wisdom No More

Ohhhh my Dentist Appt at 2pm. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on the right side last year already well almost but now it's time to pull the left side wisdom teeth and OMG I am just cringing at the thought and my tummy is all icky cuz I know it's going to be hell pulling this one since the other side took like an hour.. and dentist had said that was one of the hardest he'd pulled.. but Ohhh i just am nerved. Weigh In's 2nite.

hubs truckHubs totalled out his truck sat evening. Driving on country road 2 trucks met at the top of a gravel road and hit. Both totalled and hubs going bout 35 and other about 55.. they are just lucky neither was killed thank god... you hear and I have known people that hit on hills like that and died freaked me out. He didn't have his seat belt on to usually he always wears it but maybe that's just in the van... anyways both drivers ok. Just without a vehicle now and hubs not sure what he wants to do. I voted we buy a truck that's extended cab and I can drive... but I'm not sure I want a new loan at all being he's unhappy at work and his last 2 paychecks have been more then less then 1/2 of his normal take home.. which really was a lot for us and cuts a lot of extra out.. at least for the next 3 weeks here.

I had last night off work I drempt all night of work and people that come to the bar and Vegas T and his wife huggin them goodbye.. and saying goodbye to everyone... was I leaving or all of them? Doubt it's me LOL.. but would be nice to dream myself somewhere else somedays. I did dream another dream hubs and I were bowling. we were on lane #6 and instead of using my bowling ball this one time I was bowling with a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi... and I went to throw it and i let it go and it flew straight up to the ceiling and broke open and 3 pops exploded and OMG was funny. Maybe it's all the bowling talk hubby and my son have been doing and my feelings I suck.

Other than dreaming I didn'd do much of anything. I had really wanted to do something with hubs or talk or more to help the way I've been feeling with myself/him shit I don't even know... anyways boo.. kids all in bed and he's like I'm exhausted I have to go to bed.. Boo again:( and I got up at 8 that morning and got kids ready for church and such and had no nap... like him. But I never argue when I know he has to work in the am and it was almost 10 so I just said night and let him sleep, but a little bummed.. or more honestly a lot. I thought those icky feelings from the past weeks would pass by now. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

food processor

Yeap that's what I want for Xmas.. a food processor... so I can make these nummy sounding Choc. Chip Muffins... MmmMmmm yum.


I'm so having mixed feelings on the way i'm going to feel on the next 4 days off.. i'm so silly drunky almost that I should shut my mouth and not say what i really want to and log off and be safe. .. i know what I would say and be true but after thought ya know.. anyways hubs picking up some grub for himself i'm making myself a toddy and it's time to roll in the sack... k bye i guess Hugs