Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Rolling a dog

Kids rolled up like hotdogs

Kids were a riot this morning can't help but smile and love every moment you have with them. Of course their are those moments where you want hide out locking yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes but I choose to roll them up like lil wiener dogs this morning instead!

I remember me and my brother as kids rolling each other up in a big blanket tightly tucking the blanket as you roll and so tight trying to make it so the other couldn't get out. We called it Rolling up like a hotdogs. The little ones this morning were all for it. Bet I rolled them up 30-40 times and took a couple pictures cuz I couldn't help but laugh cuz they were laughing so hard and so funny as well. They were so cute using the blankets my oldest son made!

I started calling them my little catapillars in a cocoon and told them when they unrolled they'd be beautiful butterflys and my daughter was all for that and flapped round the rest of the morning! Joyous memories Did anyone else do anything so crazy as a kid??? I've gotta email some pic's to my brother to see if he remembers...


I feel like crap .. Not physically at least not yet but am sure that will come. I feel like crying I just want to blink and wake up and have a new day be here to start all over because this day has just been bad for me. Nothing particular nor sticking out or really any reason for me to feel this way I just do. Like you can't explain but somethings not feeling right and you can't help but feel angry and upset but for no reason and that makes everything worse and makes me feel horriable because I want to be happy but just can't make myself be that . LOL ohhhh ok I can crack a stupid smile and stuff but I wish hubs would've woke up when I tried when I got home. He moaned and pulled the covers over his head.. I'll get him up when I crawl into bed. I go stand over the bed thinking AMY get to bed.. gets some zzz's it'll make ya feel better.. I ponder on it. . .
"Hell No I wont' Go" chanting in my head.

I come back out write my mom and email bitching about the world. What's wrong with me? I've never really bitched to my mom.. she's always been the one bitching about everything ro my dad so much that I am always the positive one trying to get her to be happy and positive always pretending I am that.. well actually not pretending I usually am that :) But not 2day. OK so I'm allowed to have one of those "not so happy" moments arn't I? yeah. It'll pass I keep saying. I know what the problem is. I know why I am so discontent. I know things I do arn't helping it when I think they might deep down I know better. I know what I need to do and I just need to get motivated to switch some stuff round and get back what I had. That complete feeling of everything . A "Major" void and I alone have allowed it to become as big as it's became.

Yeah I know I jsut keep saying Monday school starts and I'm going to get back all I've lost in myself. Yeap. I have to start planning that and thinking about all the wonderfull things that are going to happen and how I'm going to feel complete again and not rely on someone else making me feel that way... BUT me :) All me making myself feel myself again. Not expecting hubs or anyone else to. Not to be annoyed with certain people and be positive I've really gotten suckered into some bad bad energy which I can't shake.

OK so what is the big picture I claim to have figured out? Can't pinpoint a word or phrase nor do I have the time to tell now but even if I can't do all that I do know what I need to do to help. Smiles Hugs n lots of love - and 100 other things but i'm off to try to sleep again and if I can't i'll come back with my list of stuff maybe. :) :) :) Oh and I'm sure with the tide and time of my own turns it's just a hormonal thing huh and will wash up with the rest of my crap rite. LOL sure. OK

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Date 2nite

Hubs made me an invite this am and what a fun wake up that was. On the doing something at least once a month just him and I. Frankly it's got me all excited just thinking about it although I'm sopose to come up with final plans.. as usual. Sopose I'll check out what movies are here and where to eat. I'm in the mood for diary queen or that other place in BSC with the nummy ice cream cones. Or even more fun a basket of chicken and tato salad and some bread pr giant homemade soft pretzels and wine and have a picinic outside somewhere. I want one of those ole wooden picinic baskets... where do they sell those?

If it gets as hot as it's been 2day hubs won't feel like it after working outside all day and me not liking heat really care either so Hummm what else. Thought about a movie. Bowling sounds more fun or a play or something different. SWAT is here about the only one that I'm thinking I'd like to see. Would be fun to go to concert outside like a jazz club or something I can't wait to visit my parents. I'm bored and I've been very discontent... gotta go somewhere.

Anyways I will think of something and if nothing big I'm going to make it extra special and give him my undying love and devotion and do everything to make it a happy fun time. Always is isn't it??? LOL i think so. Maybe we could cruise over to like a different town like opposite direction go to Monti which same as wtrtwn almost. .. or omg i don't know. I'm off to read the paper and call round for some idea. Were in storm watch til 2nite which sucks cuz if i think it may have a chance to storm I won't want to go far with kids home. OK bye


Gotta call from my quit-smoking lady that counciled me when I was quitting for a final eval of my stats and such and if I need more help. So nice to say Thanks and Yeah it was great and thanks again:) Ohhhh hope they know how thankful I am LOL. I am so glad I quit but I am sooooo sooo putting on the pounds hubs gained 20 now too LMAO. Oh damn I knew that would happen and it's ok just put back on all i've lost this year.. and figure if I can maintain that and with the start of the next year really put that as my goal for 2004. Just so nice to breathe... I really didn't realize all that I felt as normal wasn't at all when I smoked and sometimes like specially at work and someone lites up and blows it in my face that I get dizzy. Wonder if that's withdrawls yet? Lightheaded still .. but never in a way I want one.. usually in a way like OMG dizzy and fall downish and omg phew.

And smell OMG i can smell better so everything I eat tastes new and better another reason I'm sure people gain weight once quiting cuz everything tastes so damn nummy. But smell also as when someone walks by that smokes or whatever it's like OMG did I smell like that... cuz I never smelt it b4. Funny. Just great to think it's been almost 3 months next week and that's like 1/3 of a year already WOW:) WTG me :)

Starry Night - [ Digital Download ]

Starry Night - [ Digital Download ] oh and this looks so cool

Monday, August 18, 2003


Whoo hoo figured out how to blogthis again where if you are on a webpage and want to make note of it or log it you click on it and can post and makes direct links to it.. anyways when I got the new puter and winXP I use MSN explorer instead of IE6 so no option but 2nite i'm using ole Internet explorer again and added that feature but doubt i'll use it often as I'm kinda stuck using the MSN browser I actually really like it.

Sooo back to bloggin. What's new OMG hot as hell 100 degrees 2day killer head spent all afternoon after lunch outside with the kids with the pool and set up the slip-n-slide OMG lots of fun. Hadda keep soaking yourself with cold water to keep cool and drench the kids in sun screen as well as myself. Hot hot hot. Gotta call bbl.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Peopled Out

Wow what a busy busy night at work.... so glad it's done and over with as during the what seemed never ending rush I thought the night might never end... after I just thought OMG i wanna be sooo crabby. LOL ever just sick of being so nicey nice and just wanna be crabby?? LOL ... like you smile and are super nice and happy.. that you say to yourself when it's all done and over with and it's me I'm going to be crabby and not talk to anymore and the end of the nights near and I'm standing there and drunk people saying stuff and you just smile and laugh cuz I just can't not do that and they all leave and I'm like OK wheee hewww done I just wanna sit and not smile.. and even if I was to really try to be crabby i just can't do it. So on the way home I'm like K i'm gonna be bitchy.. crab on the way home mumble shit under my breathe.. yeah.. so I did that the way home.. mubbled about how I was going to mumble and how nutty I was.. but just ended up laughing at myself and smiling more so it's a lost hope to be crabby I guess. Might as well forget about being crabby and just stay happy for the night. Just being silly me.. nothing major.

And for as crazy ya know I really loved all the people I waited on.. can say the tables I did take were so nice and so full of praises.. and comments.. that even if I got crazy crabby that one thought of those makes ya glow and happy and don't have a single thing to bitch about on that. . Gotta love them all n see can't be crabby bout that. Hummm

So does one need a reason to be crabby?? I feel I do huh... naaa. Get off that subject... So tomorrow sopose to be one of those big days at this local festival thingy but I'm not excited about it right now. I just don't feel like getting up and spending day over there parade at 2 and rushing home to get ready for work plus it's sopose to be in upper 90's again and so hot but then I think lil kids will like it and picinic will be fun.. and sure once I'm up will be fine. I'm just peopled out.. yeap that's it the whole thing. I'm not crabby nor tired nor anything I'm just peopled out for the night and love this time right now. yeap that in a nutshell.