Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, August 09, 2003


It's getting dark and stormy to the east.. think it's going to hit just as i leave for work.. blah.. OMG so hung this morning and up so early don't think i'll drink 2nite at the dance if I get to go.. or if I do just a sip or two.. drinks.. nothing like last night.. not that I was wasted I remember everything and wasn't bad.. just things I did were bad.. not that I regret.. i never do or anything I do... just.. omg.. the things that did happen or were said I think about today and go OMG... and so right. Anyways I can't go there now.. nor as usual should I just cuz I told myself I'm going with the flow on that.. damn. K I better get

Whoa what a night and do I have stuff to say or what??? Anyways I better not start now it's super douper late but soon I hope. K bye for now lol :) I'm sooo in deep

Friday, August 08, 2003

Not Right

Somethings not right with my baby. Hubs said he was fine yesterday at the sitters yet last night he whinned and cried a lot and had a fever and pointed that his ear hurt. So up at 830 to call in and made him an appointment at 10 this morning to get it checked out. Hubs didn't take his temp but he still has a slight fever this morning only 99.8 up one degree. And he's not telling me his ear hurts and I wouldn't think so since he slept all night and usually with ear aches it hurts to lay down but something is surely not right. Somethings hurting cuz he's always my smiley happy lil guy.. just kills ya when ya know somethings wrong but can't do much to help or know what to even do or what's even wrong. He's just been my cuddle bunny this morning... were going to see the new Dr in town.. 1st appointment open... he seems nice in church. Gotta go

North to Alaska

On top of ole Smokey.. and all I can think about it sex.. being ontop.. lol.. then blue eyes crying in the rain. But I'm sitting here thinking OMG i do not want to hear that song again but now i can't recall if for the life of me. But seems like these guys at the bar 2nite kept coming up over and over with the same song. Anyways. Work was funny 2nite I just had the giggles or something but they can really crack me up. Cute they are.. my happy happy hour'ers that linger on way longer into the night then many others. And singing and jokes and smiles. Make my nights fly by with a smile.

I did get excited 2nite back and i was leaving and then heard AMY shouted out.. ok lots of people say my name but this one ohhhh yeah... OMG i'm stupid.. just gives me the good ebbie jeebies when i hear it called out by them. Funny huh. I did get excited over the way these guys always flatter me with all their little comments. Sure most is alchol and just being the one serving them they better be good and nice.. but still nice to imagine some of the things are 100% felt. 2nite it was my eyes... and the one guy was like there almost mezmerizing .. and the older one is like yeah exactly and neatest i'd ever seen... just gotta chuckle outta the eye thing cuz I remember back to my younger years of when I thought I had this eye controll power over guys and how silly that was and told them they're just lucky I'm older and married cuz if they'd have caught me with one of my "eyes" back then they'd have been in nothing but trouble.. lol was funny. Yeap the ole F*)(k me eyes or i want that look I'm sure. lol oh well. Just hadda chuckle about that cuz 1st time in a long time anyone had mentioned it and almost instantly I look away. I don't want to feel I have to make anyone feel anyway like I used to .. but the way they want to feel. Yeap that's it. And hope I never get that I want to again.. cuz that's so silly... lol i had a glass of wine and a shot of this leftover.. like a sip and i'm tipsy.

OMG I really love that merlot now. And wishing now I had one more to knock myself out.. well not "out" but asleep. Love crawling into bed under soft sheets and snugglin up next to hubs and working my way into his arms and pressing my body up against his until he's awake in that other area yet he's still asleep.. LOL Just so i know i can do that and I 1/2 off in dreamlike state and fall asleep.. cept that i awake with such dreams latley. OMG. anyways i'm way off subjects 2nite talking outta my butt... i keep telling myself friday night.. like a plan and i know i can't plan that that's wrong.. right??? sure.

Then i'm like I need to lose all the weight I gained now since i quit smoking.. i just have to cuz omg pisses me off and i want to feel more sure and that extra frickin weight is weighting me down.. mentally i think.. not that i want to smoke i don't.. but I don't feel satisfied with much. Like that after dinner smoke to settle ya.. now it's like I wanna eat.. and eat some more.. and snacky. I have never been snacky until now. Oh well yes.. i know.. I never ever ever want to smoke again that's not anything to me and i so hate even remembering back to that controll .. I just wish I could swing back to a diet.. exercising has gone great almost everyday for 3 1/2 weeks now cept for weekends. That's cool. WOW an old friend just emailed me.. I'm going to go try to email them back and see if they're up for some chat or more i'd rather call him via real phone.. Fun... silly old songs still in my head ... burn burn burn a ring of fire.. north to alaska.. ohh that reminds me of someone else. I gotta quit... yes I think I have wrote and said way to much in my life.. and now my emails are going nutty . ... havn't they oh well at least i'm speaking what I feel and think again.. something i thought i was losing.. still not there.. yet coming along slowly. OMG i'm so wanting to wake hubs up yet when I came home he was all crabby sleeping when I tried to wake him.. but that's not going to stop me from trying.. but i'm not waiting up till 430am like i have in the past.. i've got to get up at 8am for appt for my baby in the morning.

Thursday, August 07, 2003


I go to turn on my hair dryer 2 get ready for work and Poof.. omg sparks flew .. so after air drying a bit by the fan I'm just going to have to go with this floop until I get a new one. :) My cousin and her hubs coming home tomorrow night if I get off early I am to meet up with them at the bar uptown. Havn't seen her i don't think since Xmas. Reading around my horoscopes since hadn't done in awhile.
And here's the lowdown for me 2day:
Don't sit by the phone waiting for it to ring or the computer waiting for someone Get out and do something..
There's something strange in the air like a ghost poking at me... messing stuff up for me and garblin up my puter and my life.. LOL
take time to love to be loved..
feeling overworked or stressed.. go out after work have a drink , unwind, then to your loved one .. says I won't regret it.

LMAO ok I never wait for the phone to ring.. ghosts playing mind games with me???LOL nope havn't seen any latley. and Stressed nope.. not yet. Still fun to read sometimes.

Unconscious Mutterings
I Say - and you Think...

  1. Hook:: Fish
  2. Greg:: Mindy
  3. Sixty:: somthing
  4. Breakfast:: lunch
  5. Dollar:: store
  6. Unpredictable: ya never know
  7. O:: Oh oh someone's in trouble
  8. Bathing suit:: swimming
  9. Inconsiderate:: a meanie
  10. Marx:: Richard

LOL funny richard marx..

Wake me Up MP3

I feel the need to feel needed coming on. Or more I need to do something good for someone. Like I'm lacking that reaching out and touching someone in a healthful way... not making sense I know... ok so say ya know someone that's in trouble and you wanna help feeling.. that need. not that I know anyone like that currently but oh well. I'm a bit lost still. Shaking it off. So work was slower and that was ok i'm so tired and yet i'm awake. Drove round a bit after work still pondering the million things that have been almost haunting me. What to do????

MP3 of the week.
EVANESCENCE - Bring me to life

OK so why this song??? it's been probably 2 months now since i first heard the song and liked it a lot!! The past month or so I've fallen in with the thought of it being one of those "do it" songs.. with him. I can see myself in that song with him but only during an act like sex of course. Maybe more so since i have felt kinda blah and asleep recently. Wake me up.. yeah cuz i too feel like i've been sleeping.. and wake me up and save me part of the song I imagine laying back in bed saying take me away.. .. yeah i totally see me slutting out on this. Maybe i'm just horney everytime i hear this.. or maybe i look to them to save me from that nothing i feel LMAO ok silly so anyways this is the song I feel for 2nite at least. If only i was more comfy with myself these days... :( :( :( SO this is my music pick of the day.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003


I remember as a kid going to the arcade and playing this game called Gauntlet you were a warrior or elf wizard or lady sorcoress or something and ya traveled from room to room fighting on the same screen and eating food outta chests. LOL. My son bought the PS2 version of it last time we were in SF Hubs and Him always played it on N64 so they've been teaming up on this one now and I'm hooked again as well. It's so simple and why it makes it fun... more fun yet is how hubby is into it. LMAO kinda fun we teamed tagged a bit 2nite and was cute he was showing me what to do and I'd pretend I didn't have a clue and he's all Here honey let me show ya.. all proud like he was showing "me" something he assumed I knew all about.. ok so I love PS2 and gaming so of course doesn't take too long but he actually showed me a few moves :) Was fun anyways.

I'm waiting for fall/winter to re-start my Final Fantasy game.. I almost passed it but missed a lot of things so I decided best to start over when I have time again and although I spent over 80 hours on that one game it was awesome.. I can't wait and glad I postphoned restarting until winter where I hope to have more time.

I am tired worked all day made some pasta/salad bacon ranch thing and Parmesean italian baked chicken dish for supper with mashed tatos and peas. Kids sure swooped up on all the food. :) I also made some jello. I wish I had more time and energy to make more. Then again I just want to eat more I think.. since i quit smoking i feel so much more bored and wanna eat i think. I don't know... just depressed a bit about the frickin 20plus pounds i've regained now:( boo sucks. oh well it's come back off in time.. right.. sure . yeah...

OK so what's up with me. I know I'm busy but I also have like no feelings thing going on or something.. no thoughts.. I'm bad. My GF in town isn't talking to me anymore.. :( just cuz I don't like to talk on the phone.. whatever .. long story. I promised my mom i'd call this week and I havn't yet.. but that was sunday I will tomorrow i mean .. hey that'll be 3 days.. I havn't talked to my bro or dad since the 4th when they were here either.. My grandparents are going away for the weekend. I want to go to my parents but i don't want to go without my little ones.. but I don't know.. I just don't know much of anything these days or so it seems. I don't know on a lot of things .. other things too. I do hope I figure something out soon I keep thinking OK it's just I'm so busy.. or it's summer or this or that.. but then like 2nite I sat down and DUH...?? Well not always sometimes I have a lot to say.. just no way to put somethings.. not that i don't try.

OK i better get i'm going to try to beat this bad lady in the game one more time b4 bed since she's killed me off 2 times now.. :( BOO..... Hubs and I had fun night 2gether after little ones went to bed. I thought this was cute. I was telling him all I got done round the house 2day and I smiled and said I sure was a busy Bee... and he's like B as in Honey.. or as in Bit*h.. and I smiled and said hummm.. and he's like I'm sure it's honey cuz as sweet as you are there is no other. LMAO.. omg was all i could do but lmfao cuz was so cute he was trying to be so cute and for once in the longest time he really made me smile and laugh.. something I so miss with him. Following that we went back to the bedroom folded clothes in the nude and made the bed.. fresh sheet and unmade the bed again..then remade and tucked him in.. tomorrow is round 5.. silly n fun.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003


OK lazy day yet busy night. I made a cheesecake.. and chocolate silk pie... too bad they weren't for me:( Looking so good in the fridge right now. I made Strawberry Jam.. and got some cucumbers outta the garden and some onions and peppers and made a big batch of refridgerator pickles that look nummy.. Mmmm I made Golden stuffed pork chops n green bean cassorle for supper Mmmm mm again. One of those moods I guess I'd keep baking or cooking if I had more to make but I guess I better stop and crochet. I have one of the most beautiful blankets I've ever crocheted a little over 1/2 done as a gift but OMG no way I don't think I will be able to finish it. My fingers/wrist on my right hand have been bad for the last month or two.. assuming it's pooped out after work and stuff and crocheting really hurts.. after a bit so I havn't done any really at all cuz of that and it sucks.. but best I sopose to take it easy let it heal and specially since I want to play the piano again soon.. OK gotta chat with someone.. ya you .. hehe K bye

Monday, August 04, 2003

1st stages done

OK I'm getting strawberried out... Only ran into 2 with fuzzy's which I don't know why but I so freak when it springs up on me... i'm werid.. but all in all nice berries cept for a few I hadda set aside cuz I'm not sure how mushy they are going to be to mash for jam being they were a bit under-ripe but thinking I'll freeze a few instead being I only have enough for one batch of jam. And ya'd think with the ton of berries I got would make at least 2 batches but after cleaning and washing and cutting up I only ended up with about one gallon. Wild alot of work but Nummmyyy MMMMmmm Last year me and the girls went out and picked them for 2 1/2 hours ended up with something like 5 cleaned gallons of berries and that took like 3 days to clean and another 2 to make stuff. LOL why do I waste my time when I can just go up and buy a jar of jam?? I wondered that 2nite while cleaning and I guess it just must be it's homemade and I made it and it actually tastes good and when you give a jar away like to my grandma she goes nuts Nummmy.. maybe that's why. lol anyways have them all ready to go and 2 small bags frozen and now just to get my jars ready tomorrow and make the jam seal and store and ta-da done:)

Sopose I will get up early or try and get that done and want to hit this Sweet corn stand that sells out by 1030am.. and pick up a few dozen ears.. and freeze them individually. I found website on freezeing corn whole ears something I did 2 years ago but doesn't sound like the same way I did it b4. I don't remember blanching for 11 minutes that's for sure.. oh well. Usually we go out to my relatives and pick our own corn as much as we want and do the whole tub bath boil and rinse thing with my grandma and aunt. Baggin around 40plus bags of corn to freeze. Lots of work but nummy too. Do I feel like doing that this year.. nooo not really. I'm getting lazy. My garden OMG poor veggies being over-taken a bit by weeds the past 3 weeks... i'll bet out there tomorrow :)

OK i better go clean up my mess and put the stuff away Just me and the littles one and hubs for the next 2 weeks. My oldest is gone for 2 weeks so will be real super quiet then what I'm used to for kids and bigger kids that's for sure. I am actually looking forward to it. Little ones hit the hay round 930 but moving it back to 9 now so just me and hubs to play and talk at night with. Figure it will be a fun week or two.. with lots of loving n laughs oh yeah... plus I have some new meals planned for the 2 nights i have off since big kids hate to try new things.. i'll let hubs be my guinie pig n make some weird dishes on him since he pretty much likes everything I make. Damn I gotta go put this stuff away and upload some pic's and email some people and some other small shit and try to get to bed at decent time..

Damn I wish I had more time cuz I had a lot on my mind.. actually it's maybe a good thing huh since I shouldn't be having him on my mind anyways right n more i shouldn't go there at least not now too late.. wonder when I will have some time to myself? ??? ? Guess I won't get to catch up to much. Tomorrow.. yeah tomorrow.. until then why not Flatter Yourself at this website for awhile from me :) K Bye for now:)

Strawberries N Quickies

I walk in the door with this bigass bucket of strawberries to clean ewww fuzzies on a few.. so i'm at the sink and hubs saying going to snooze.. hugs n kisses and he's in brushin his teeth and I'm like ya wanna have sex.. all blunt and he's like Humm a quickie ok.. yeap.. so in between cuz I have absolutly no time to post but gotta go now n get me some n clean some strawberries I'll be back soon I hope. Gotta lot to vent about.