Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Friday, April 18, 2003

Been Awhile

I've been busy with the new puter when I'm online just trying to figure out FTP's and php. files and I'm not getting anywhere??? Then My son's been on the puter like it's new and wonderful showing off this or that and telling his friends he has this or that.. and I think to myself.. and sometimes say.. Hey we had all those programs and things on the other computer and you didn't play or do those things then.. Just funny making this puter out to be soooo awesome like it can play CD's.. . OMG lol or other one would too and burn just funny.

My brother came home yesterday for easter weekend and his band is playing. B4 i left for work yesterday he came over said his new wife.. manda might get to come back this weekend some others from the unit have got to come back.. she's been gone over 2 months now.. just sitting waiting for deployment. Anyways Everyone here excited specially my brother then the phone rang last night at 130am.. US Gov't on the caller ID... It was her.. and I could only hear my brother on the phone line. and says Hi so glad you called... she musta said something I'm leaving Sat. He said why not till Sat what time will you get here... and then you could hear him say... Ohhhh You "Leaving" Saturday for overseas.. and Ohhh so pumped about thought of her coming home and my brother says newly weds only married 8 days now.. sad... It's her job and she's waiting to go of course not all the time but for the most part! Just kinda sad. My brother doesn't even want to play in the band now.

Well I better get hubs driving me nuts.. going to lay the kids down and take a lil snooze with him and see if I can get me any b4 work! K

Wednesday, April 16, 2003


OK So a friend comes by to show off some neat lights that I think would be cool at night when it's dark just for parking... hehehe.. anyways besides the lights.. they leave and I think OMG STOP.. kick me their going to grab some chow.. I'm hungry and duh.. come look at my new puter!!!.. Just threw me off cuz I was busy playing when the knock came. Opps silly me... Come back! Oh well next time!

The Kiss

Congrats to my brother and new sister-in-law on their marriage last monday!

I just got some pictures the other night when he was here and had to post one I got to play with on the new puter! A lot of editing software installed already. I tried making DVD's last night but lots to figure out yet. OK gotta start some lunch now.

Rainy N Cold

Wet and cold it's only 37 degrees outside now.. burr such a chill from 90 on monday. Got to print out some coloring pages for my duaghter to color from the Nick Jr. website. Kids are wanting to play with new stuff so bad.. new ya know. Went and seen my cousin's new baby girl last night. Ohhhh so sweet and such a little cuddle bunny honey. She's 6 1/2 lbs.. and was so good and so small and I forgot how small they are. I just wanted to take her home.

I offered to watch her anytime the next 3 weeks they are home but sure all the relatives in town have been offering as well! I'm up all night anyways. I remember the hardest part for me when I had new babies was the amount of sleep I didn't get.. specially at 1st. With my daughter it was better I slept when she slept regardless of the time. But with my baby I had to be up all day with her being 1 and 1/2 n very active.. then up off and on in the night with the new baby and didn't get any rest. I remember when he was 3 weeks I could hardly function I was so tired and just so thankful when my Mom showed up for the night and I pumped enough milk to sleep a full 6 or 8 hours I remember that cuz I was a zombie by the end of that 3 weeks.

1st Thunderstorm

Ohhh it's awesome lightening show outside was out with the puppy for last 1/2 hour just watching the storm roll closer and closer. Then the cops drove by and funny turned off their lights and stopped infront of this house they are always called to.. I catch them doing this all the time. Then they sat a few minutes then pulled away. Anyways the storms getting closer I'm almost excited but hate it at the same time.. cuz storm season I don't feel safe in this house. Would love a house with a basement or sturdy foundation.. sopose would be different if I didn't have little ones. I tend to over-react as well I'm sure. I personally love storms.. So pretty like them in the daylight more to watch the clouds changing and turning. Ohhhh anyways lovin the puter :) geez only 46 degrees out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Hooked Up!

Yeah I'm on my new puter and after spending the past hour trying to figure out how to install new hardware on Win XP to get my Cable Surfboard connected I did it and I'm actually online now! This flat screen is different to get used to. And running on larger screen resolution so where before things may have been porportioned to my view before everything is much more spread out now. It's neat! I wonder about using the Windows XP and browser.. it's kinda neat that MSN thing you see on commercials with the butterfly. I downloaded it before but didn't like it much but think it's cool now.

I am not sure about the view on the flat screen everything seems so far away or something different kinda hurting my eyes. The screen size is no different still the same 17inch maybe it's just different viewing the flat screen. Or maybe the fact that when I cleaned off my desk finally found my glasses after a 1/2 year of looking.. the must have feel way behind my desk and were under a piece of a letter LOL Yeah I can see again. Or at least sharpens my vision.. but then again I remember that dumb eye dr saying I legally don't need glasses. Another long story that was unpleasent. Oh well So I'm off to play on this thing! Bye

My Dell

Just picked up my new puter... I sopose I'll wait until the kids are in bed before I start ripping this puter apart and hooking up the new.. sad I'll miss this one or the files/programs I have on it.. but excited to see what will be new on the new one. I wonder how I will hook up my cable connection.. since I didn't do it myself the time I had it installed put on this one.. if I'll even be able to hook up to the internet on the new one. I don't know much but it's pretty and black. Wish I had a desk in my bedroom though or locks and cupboards on this desk so the kids won't get into trouble with my new one like they have in the past with this one. OK I'm making spagetti n meatballs. If I can't get on later.. well hope to be back soon!


I'm determined to make today a million times better than yesterday ended. Don't know what I'll be doing to achive it but still that hope that it will be.

Kids just want to be outside now 24/7 and if I won't let then out like now becuase it's actually colder this morning then past 2.. only 55 Degrees with winter watches out west so I just cracked open the patio door in the early mornings to cool the house off for the day or to try to.. but the kids every second I turn around are running outside onto the deck. Or openeing and closing the door.. scares me one day one of them will be getting their little fingers slammed into doors the way my daughter runs and if she doesn't want her lil brother to enter the room she's going into cuz he's always following her she's run then slam the door. Most the time right in his face and he cries... cuz he wants to play with her. But I know she likes to play with him just not all the time...and she won't let him in her room at all anymore cuz he goes crazy in there ripping thru all her toys/drawers and closet... where she likes to keep things neat specially after mommy cleans it so nice. :) hehehe

My girlfriend called last night at 9 but I had a meeting with this guy so I told her I'd call her back.. but got late and by the time I got kids in bed and with hubs I forgot... so she called already at 8 this morning but we weren't up yet and I don't answer when I'm in bed but sure she's upset with me now for not calling back.. I should go do that now:(

The Calm

Ohhhh long night... got a lot done I didn't really want to dig into but did and glad now. Hubs appologized... I accepted but still a bit upset with him. It's just he throws things at me in a baby-like way instead of being mature adult let alone my husband to act so childish really ticks me off. Not that I wouldn't love for him to go fishing just not a good night and/or whatever and it's grocery store shopping night and he is using my van all week so I had errands to run and mail off our taxes just stuff to do.. and to get all pissy and upset the second he gets home from work cuz says He is going fishing 2nite.. no ask.. honey I want to go fishing.. no Do you have plans 2nite.. nothing just I'm going fishing.. then I just said can't you go tomorrow night or something cuz I really need to get some things done.. blah blah and he blew up... and that wasn't what made me mad.. it's all the shit he says when he is mad.. Cuz it just makes me feel and shows me how babish he is and that sign of imaturity is such a turn off. And I wanted to have great 3 nights off with him/kids.. pisses me off cuz ruined my night. Just the things he says make no sense at all and I just think OMG because everything he was saying is complete opposite of what I do/think. Think he says it to spite me of course cuz he was mad didnt' get his way.. I probably wouldn't have cared at all after 5 minutes and said Go ahead go fishing but the second I resisted he got pissy so then of course I did.. so anyways.. Grrrr glad the night is over. After the cold shoulder treatment which I hate to do but have to make a stand. Someone's always gotta be the bad guy.. right.. oh well I think I do things for the better picture.. future idea stuff. LOL anyways he came out round 11 and when I asked him those 100 questions he couldn't answer or look me in the eye cuz he knew he was 100% in the wrong. well 99% I did say 1 thing I shouldn't have... there tons more to the story but I'm not going there cuz now I'm tired and ya know tomorrow it probably won't really matter to me anyways. Just sad it ruined my night with him/kids. I look forward to night off with him and all that stuff.

Ohhh my buzzer went off but another minute.. who do you know that makes choc chip cookies at 2am??? ME.. LOL I thought would be nice to pack into lunches this week! K better get to baking!

Monday, April 14, 2003

Here we Go Again

OK just another beautiful day/night ruined by my hubs cuz of his selfish crabby ass again. Same thing as Sat but even more cuz he wanted to go fishing 2nite. It's a hour drive away and dark by 830 and didn't start bitchin about it til 6ish.. so maybe an hour worth fishing didn't make sense when there is still those 100 things that need to be done at home. Then the OMG that makes me way pissed cuz he talks out of his mind and what he says makes no logical sense what-so-ever and really ticks me off. I try all I can to take a deep breathe and walk away... but not before I let him have it in a calm way. Like me me me again bitching he's always home with the kids. Well if you didn't want kids should've thought about that b4 getting married and trying etc... I NEVER bitch about my time with my kids... He just says my nights off so his time to do what he wants. Ummm on my days/nights off do I bitch NO.. Then throws in my after work casino trips OK maybe 10 total to date in the last year if that... to the 100 times out hunting and hours spent WHATEVER I try not to compare but the shit he's talking about makes no sense then thinks if I had normal daytime job he'd have weekends to do what he wants.. Well WTF I can't win.. so am I sopose to get upset cuz my weekend starting really today I should bitch cuz I'm home cleaning and playing with the kids.. no different if you ask me. So frickin whippie do if his days off are sat and sun. he has from the time I get home till 4pm to do what he wants and like last weekend just spent bitching he wanted to do something. I'm am so mad. Told him to leave if he doesn't want family/kids/responsibility to hit the road and don't look back. Honestly at this point I am sick of looking and listening to him cuz it's sickening.

OMG I can't even comprehend what the total thing is or anything cuz I am so mad and he's gone now and I'm very upset so I better go working on cleaning the kids rooms 2nite.


Hi:) Had a great weekend. My brother came home sat just left now. We all went to the circus yesterday the kids had an "ok" time. The music was too loud.. my daughter (3) sat there 1/2 the time with her hands over her ears 1/2 crying too loud... and my son (1) would jump everytime the ringmaster talked. They only had 1 animal act... 3 elephants.. 1 Clown.. 1 come on 1000 kids there with one clown.. 1 motorcyle in the ball act and a BMX stunt rider.. that was it cept for the 15 acts of women bending and twisting all over each other.. and the rope climbing where they hanged all over each other. My hubs said worse than the strippers... my oldest son 11 said this is dumb. Too bad.. wasn't that great of a show for kids at all and glad I wasn't the only one that thought so! Not that these girls dancing were all bad.. just 1 or 2 acts not 99% of the show.

Anyways was fun getting out of town with family doing something different on a beautiful 88 degree day.. felt like summer with a hot windy south wind.. but only got maybe 3 hours of sleep sat night. So last night I got home 1115 but stayed up scanned some wedding pic's of my brothers and we talked til 130 then I could keep my eyes open and actaully went to bed by 2.

Havn't had much time to talk to hubs alone but still a bit confused on the 2nd job thing he took. I think what it comes down to is I like my time with him.. and now him gone everynight/time I'm home I get a bit lonley. Then he works 48 hours a week already at his main job.. I don't like that he has to work so hard/much anyways let alone now try to put another 20 in??? CRAZY.. we don't need the $ and I understand he likes that kinda work.. but I don't know.. OK yeah I get maybe 25 hours a week that's nothing really or what I used to work... but I feel a bit guilty too when he's working so much. I know my job at home is important and full time as well but what if I ran out 2day and got another job without any disscussion.

Maybe I should look for another part time job for 20 hours/week like he got... anything just so he wouldn't.. I just worry he'll get so tired and it's dumb.. maybe he won't help out with this 2nd job but during the busy season.. for the 1st month and 1/2 then stop.. or so I hope. Just something he should've disscussed with me b4 saying yes to the job. Somedays I think too I should get a 40hour week job maybe he feels I'm not contributing enough? I don't know I'm sure I'm thinking too much and it's just I havn't really had an opportunity to talk to him about the details yet and why. Then I think he feels guilty about this junk truck he bought with new engine for $600 he needs to get for his truck. I told him it's stupid to keep sticking in money now the transmission will go out of the 4 wheel drive or something I'm sure.. just one thing after another and I'm not about to hand over $800 after it's all done for a stupid new engine. I know we have to but that's a lot of my savings for our vacation this summer. I hate to tell my parents we can't come down cuz my mom sooo expects me to do it. Then I have this wanting to buy a new home.. soon b4 interest rates rise like I hear they are already starting. So I'd like to bust ass n pay everything off in the next 4-6 months. Just not happening when all the extra's going into this truck everymonth it's been something else. Last month stuck $220 in it alone. OK i'm off this subject cuz it's not fun.

My baby has a cold.. runny nose... no cough or anything but the nose thing. My daugher is bossy today.. bossing the poor lil guy around kinda funny. He has his own lil attitude as she and they don't always agree of course makes it fun to watch! I have lots to do 2day/nite... hope he doesn't think he's working 2nite already cuz I have 2 meetings 2nite I need to go to. Wonder what other kinda job I could pick up? Naa I really dont' want to unless it was a 9pm till 2am jobby cuz I love my time with the kids.. and with summer coming fast we'll soon be outside everymoment diggin in the garden n playing! When I 1st meet hubs I worked 60 hours a week.. then moved home and worked another 55-60 always.. until I had my daughter then didn't work for a couple years... but b4 I always had 2 jobs... but nope can't figure it in now.. not with little ones. I don't want that. So I guess I'll just let hubs do what he wants or feels he has to and just enjoy what I already enjoy doing.. which is all already done. :) :) :)