Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, March 29, 2003

Tomorrow is the big day my son's been working for the past 3 months 2 nights a week and everyweekend wrestlin! He's so cute and excited today and everyone cheering and giving him good lucks. He's cute and says thanks and I'm going to try my best as I'm sure he will and do just fine and hope more than anything he has fun and regardless if he wins or not knows he did great just making it to state is a big thing. Again these big tourney's are streseful with so much competitive people around and parents.. My thoughts are to make it as fun as possible!

Another goal is to get to bed early.. charging the camcorder batteries and cell phones and hitting the hay.. My Mom called 2nite.. maybe that was the uneasy feeling I had b4 work... she called at like 9ish and called me at work. I can't really talk at work of course and I sensed she wasn't feeling well or something obviously to call me at work.. but I feel bad I couldn't really say much but the nice to hear your voice and I love you.. b4 I hung up.. hoping that helped whatever she wasn't feeling good about. Buggin me though wish she was closer and I could go over for coffee in the mornings or shopping with her.. miss me mom living 1000 miles away somedays a lot. I wish I could adopt a mom in town... OMG hubs mom is a nightmare.. and she lives 4 horus away (thank goodness) Oh my bad... noo but yeah.. she's so different.. anyways I'm sad wishing I could just call her back now but know it's late.. I will make a point to call her tomorrow night when we get home and yack then. Love ya Mom! Still the icky feeling. K 1st Battery's charged I'm off to bed Nite!

Friday, March 28, 2003

Maroon N Gold

My son went and got his hair done b4 state wrestlin tourn tomorrow. He has a M shaved in the back and a maroon dye outlining it.. and hair cute shorter with really blonde.. for gold.. and maroon - a darker red streaks throughout the rest it really looks nice I love the color wish mine looked like that! Cute he's excited his other friend is getting the same thing done who also made it to state i think it's cute.

Going to be up at 5am tomorrow to head out for weigh ins. Getting pretty excited. I have to work 2nite again it's nicer out 2day than yesterday still windy. I'm feeling uncomfortable about something and it's buggin me ever have that feeling yeah I have it every once and awhile with no explination. Just those times you wish the other person would just smile. OK I talk to much bye

1st Nite Back

Worked 2nite went good was fun to be back! I'm glad.. I'm not going to write much cuz my son has company and I"m going to kick there butts in PS2 or they wanna show me something.. so this will be quick. I tried the audio post driving home 2nite.. not sure I like hearing myself talk over the phone LOL let alone talking to myself in mid air driving ... plus I didn't know what to say. Think it would be fun to use say when I'm really pissed off or something and be able to yell it all out or something LoL I don't know ... what does everyone think? OK gotta go for now

My 1st Audio Blog

Powered by audblogaudblog audio post

Thursday, March 27, 2003


Temp: 37 Degrees

It goes from 75 Degress 4 days ago to below freezing last night.. still cold this late morning. Just waiting 4 spring 2day. Sopose to snow tomorrow. Well April is coming fast and so is hubby's bday the 4th. He has named a million things off the past weeks he wants.. but crazy and too many I can't remember a one. Kids r going crazy this morning my daughter won't be quiet about going to Nets.. my babysitter.. call her Netty or Net. Lets go to Nets.. I wanna go.. marching around.. I say not until after dinner.. 3 more hours, then maybe 30 seconds later lets go. I wanna go to nets. Lets go to nets.. more chanting. I go crazy somedays LOL.

Kids are great and wonderful but no concept of time of course. She's just excited to go to daycare and see her friends and be somewhere new and get out too I'm sure. But then again you feel like Don't you want mommy? LOL. That's actaully OK with me today as I have some big errands to run. Getting sorta excited about going back to work. Just been out of the routine so I kinda don't want to then again it's that feeling of working again with T. Makes me upset and icky feeling I just don't understand that entire situation and totally irritating to me. 10 Days away yet going back I guess I dread most facing her cuz it's sooo hard to smile but then again I need to remain positive and just smile anyways and that makes me happy!

Isn't smiling nice

Wednesday, March 26, 2003


I remember in 1st grade wanting to be a nurse.. 5th grade a scientist that studied rocks.. then back to a nurse again.. in middle school I wanted to be a surgeon then in high school a pharmisist, doctor, and nurse again. I had some scholarships to nursing school was enrolled and worked at our local hospital when I was 16-19 1/2. as a CNA. The Dr.'s supported me working in a small town and let me in on surgerys and ER and witnessed births I fed on trying to learn hands on all I could while working there to help my future of being a nurse one-day. A month after graduation I found out I was pregnant.. held off college for a year.. got married.. and to make a long story short did not ever go. After my divorce a year later living in largest city here I worked at a bank. bankers hours were great being a single mom it created a stable income with stability with my son.. with the set hours and such. I moved to a nearby college town after being accepted into the nursing program in 95 and transfered to another bank. Never having enough money being single mom I continued to work with the thought I'd take night classes.. which I had done since graduation from high school off and on when I could. Yeah took some classes but again didn't work out.

Do I regret that I'm not a nurse like I wanted to be? I still feel I am young enough to do whatever I'd like with my life so it doesn't bother me that way. And always think once my babies start school I too will go back. But in all honesty I don't feel any callin in life for a specific career other than being a full time mommy/wife n friend. Not that I do not want to work I do.. but just content so not a concern. I don't know why I'm on this subject.. maybe reading another blog about a nurse's job flashed me back to feeling like I wish I could do more to help people. There are other ways I can do this.. a twinge of discontent I'm not doing enough maybe? Maybe it's this war and talk of death and kids that are eating at me. I'm been avidly watching the news which I think is starting to depress me.. and if I don't watch I feel guilty for not caring. Isn't it werid how a mind works and all these feelings and thoughts you feel?

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Day #9 off

talkin to my boss and think OMG I've been off 9 days now don't feel like I wanna go back.. I do in the evenings cuz by the end of the day and all day with the kids and hubby and the house.. i'm so ready to bust outta here. But just after you've had so much time off it's going to be werid to go back. Then again by Thursday night I'm sure I'll be way ready and hope it's busy.

What am I doing today? Walking the dog.. I gotta kick ass on this diet again I lost a total of 22lbs this year.. Whoo sounds like it should be a lot and scale looks good but wtf??? Nothing feels less and I can't budge the number down at all. So I need to add more exercise to the diet plan yeah I know so hard with the amount of time I have to be out on my own doing any. But starting today I'm back on the diet wagon full force with a sure plan so 20lbs more by may 20th! My goal

I am going to try AudioBlog.. it's where you call in on any phone to your weblog.. and can say whatever and it posts automatically to your blog.. sounds neat huh.. I just havn't had a moment where a thought's struck me when I'm not home to call yet.. awaiting a night say like I'm driving home for work and that 15 min drive gets me thinking.. maybe I'll call then and try it out.

Such pretty bird sounds outside I filling all my bird=feeders yesterday.. no finches yet but lots of other neat birds. I need a bird book. Or pop around online for some sites.. I want to find a site on how to determine what bird makes what noise cuz there is this weird chirpin bird outside right now and every morning the past 3 days I've heard this pretty song bird not a wren or a morning dove it's something else. I know a few birds.. this one's very pertty I am thinking it's a northern bird and travels thru cuz I don't recognize it's song. I like this time of year when we get some more rare birds going back north.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Final Fantasy 10!

FFXCool got my new game in the mail today I bought off Ebay. Final Fantasy 10. The graphics are out of this world and the Theme Song you can listen to it's just a midi file of some pretty piano music so you don't need to download anything if you have a media player of any sort or if your on Internet Explorer you'll hear the music when you enter this page. The game looks way indepth. I read thru a walkthru a bit and seen some other codes and tricks but really there isn't much to learn until you really get into the game cuz it's so indepth.. betcha it will take me all year to pass. That's OK I absolutly love RPG's my favorite and hate when they end..

Ordered another game for hubs on Ebay when I got mine. BassMasters something or other that he's sitting here bitching at right now cuz he can't real in a fish. It's funny he just gets fed up and gives up.. I give him 15 more minutes.. then I can start my new game YEAH! Here's the other games I have.

Cabelas Big Game Hunter for PS2 Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers Okage for PS2 my Bro gave us
SpyHunter for PS2 also my Bro gave us Bass Club- Hubs new game

Poor J my son I told him he could get whatever game he wanted as long as it was rated E or T maybe depending on the game and I'd find it for him and get it for him for allowance this month.. but he searches around n around and can't decide on a one.. and the one he does want vice city is rated M and for good reasons.

Bayliner Jazz

Searchin round for the blue boat book price on this boat hubs wants of my ex's. This Guy has one for sale online it's almost the same as the one were looking at cept for a little different in the seating.. 2 bucket seats the same with no leg stretch thingy.. and my ex put a seat on the front hull for fishing. OK it's like 15 ft. so it's tiny.. book value was approx 4K-5K and seen the least at 3.8K. 1st my ex wanted 1.8K cool but now has to have 2.6K. so 800 bucks more.

I don't know I'd be different if we were big skiers with a cabin. well my grandparents have a cabin we can use anytime.. and the older kids would have fun I know.. but I'd rather spend it on a nice fishing boat.. then again we could trade it off in a year for something we'd like more.. and have fun this summer. ??? I don't know what to do or say??? And when I talked to hubs last night about not getting it he gets all pissy... well damit just not that practical specially when I'd rather invest the money into maybe buying a newer house.. bigger this fall. I don't know??? Wish someone would advise me. I hate looking like the bad guy but then again I think things thru I don't know??? :( Boo on me and this feeling I can't ever win or make anyone happy anymore.

Dingy Dishwasher

So this woman has been calling me a couple times a day. I have caller ID so when I get home I see the number and think WTF? This lady is crazy.. werid in a werid way with a questionable motive. Just called now but we were eating lunch and I should have just answered and said WHAT? but naaa I love caller ID! Thinking about her I think of other co-workers wonder what they're up to. I've made my self totally detatch from work thought all week! Well they still linger in the back of my mind of course.. but for the most part that anger from last sun still fires me up a bit.

My Things To Do 2Day

  • Laundry

  • Dust and vaccum house

  • Entry way/closet/wash coats/shoes

  • 2nite Clean out my file cabinet/desk

  • Kids rooms/bedding

  • Bathrooms - tubs,sinks,toilets,floor

Kids are little munchkins 2day.. lots of energy and fighting. Were going out to play now. Yesterday it hit 75 degrees but today it's only 57 and really windy so doesn't feel that warm.. chilly wind. But they're beggin to go out to the park. Bye 4 now

Love Potion #5

cactus Hubs Bought Me 3/21/03Reason No.5 ~ Hubs makes me Smile!
The other night when we were out he snuck a christmas catcus into the cart I pretended to not notice it thru the checkout and when we got home.. he hide it and brought it out later saying it was an I Love you Gift from him! So pretty with hot pink flowers

Hadda write something nice cuz I was upset a sec ago about shoppin with him. Sometimes I honestly don't think he thinks about money or costs or even the fact he gets something or not. Pretty Hot pink flowers blooming on Cactus! Sometimes I think he just wants everything.. but doesn't mean "want" the way I feel he wants but more just a statement or dream! (Maybe???)

Oh yeah on the game of wars last night I ruled! Rummy 500.. I hit it twice, then dice games again I won in farkol! How about chess.. ME! LOL he did kick my butt in blackjack I will admit, and in high or low. Next time were having a monopoly party again. So fun! K Nite!

Wedding Bells! Long ass post

My Bro's back from Fort Carson CO where his "wife to be" is stationed for now. He proposed she accepted and she called 2nite to tell me the news and how beautiful her ring is! Ohhhh so scarey to talk to her and how homesick she's starting to become... she says just sitting around waiting to go over is the worst.. yet the thought of going over now is scarey as well. She says they don't watch the news.. but here things here and there.. just makes her more nervous. She also said after my bro left 2nite it hit her hard.. the homesick part.. she says if she gets any time off b4 or he can come back out they're going 2 set it up so they can tie the knot b4 she goes over to iraq.

What a weekend I've had. Ran all day 2day then had 3 guys hit me up for 2 hours 2nite on a money making idea.. sounds good.. but I'd have to give it my 100% and make sure they are willing to teach me and help me.. then again I don't know. I've decided to sleep on it 4 the night. I can easily get persuaded to try anything specially if it means finacially securing a better future/dreams.. and get gun hoe on the idea.. and can work it and do it.. but I'd have to attend the monthly meetings/rallies.. and give it my free time and within a year I'd be more set with endless opportunity of course.

I have some business in my background.. along with sales and a lot of personal communication/telephone skills as well as customer service and been to 100's of self help.. promoting and publishing and 100's of seminars on things of a business major when I worked at the banks. If I really wanted to I could dress 4 sucess again and do it all.. it's just sometimes living back in your small hometown.. you feel like you've fallen back into time.. or a certain class.. image.. so unlike I felt living in the big city.. or bigger towns where it was a job.. and you kicked ass.. and you'd believe in yourself 110% regardless of what others things. Guess living in small town again everyone knows you.. everything about you.. what your doing etc.. and people snicker and I think I"m just worrying about it too much. But then again I'm a person that usually says F&*K It watch me shine! Not that I wouldn't shine my rays down upon others I would.. but only in positive ways.

Of couse I'd want to share my good fortune and knowledge with everyone in hopes to reach and fullfill my dreams along with theirs. OK whatever sounds kinda fun to be involoved in a growing network with some fun radiant people that totally believe in what they are doing. Positive people! Just what I need. But with this I'd also have to be on the road a lot. My 3 nights off I'd be trying to make up the 4 nites I work. And the monthly meetings are 2 hours away and once a month on Saturdays.. something I'd really want to attend.. again for the pep-talks and stimulating effects you get from those kinda seminars.

Plus 2 times a year all paid travel to the bi-annual united states meetings.. last month held in Nashville.. How fun.. guys said it was great and so fun. Yeah sounds fun.. but wanting to do it then having hubs whine I'm gone is another thing. Then I say what would you do if I grossed 10K a month.. or more like 3K in a year a month? or in 2 1/2 years 44K? LOL yeah shoot higher.. 100K what the hell.. LOL j/k.. anyways he'd quit his job and go hunting and fishing.. then I thought forget it I"m not going out to work my ass 4 you to hunt/fish and spend LOL.. well a little yeah but I'm thinking more in the terms of a secured future.. and childrens educations/futures.. I don't know just trying to sort thru this decision... like I said I have to sleep on it and come up with some numbers and terms.. and more importantly time. 3-10 hours a week. Yeah I could try.. I could be great.. SMILE LOL :)

So spent the day shopping and ate at Red Lobster.. I'm such a critic when it comes 2 somethings.. but have to say I'd rate that a dining experience of 5 Stars.. for Red Lobster that is. Our server was awesome! Very satisfied! I had a Cajun New Orleans Salmon with shrimp and some nummy sauce on top of it all. Hubby the chicken sticked with the basic sailors platter. And the nummy appetizers.. Then we window shopped for an hour as sheels, and then best buy.. and hit the mall for an hour or so.. didn't get much just looking. I looked at digital cameras more indepth.. something I really want. Prices have really came down but still too much for me to just go blow on myself. Althought I did figure. I spend $4 on a roll of 35mm film.. then process the film at 11.98 a roll/(approx).. so I'm spending $15 a roll. and I take probably 15-20 rolls of film a year. so that's $300 a year just for pictures. I love pictures and take a ton specially since the kids are little.. but just think of all the pictures I wouldn't need or could upload onto my puter. I scan them all now.. but a few are a waste here and there. I'd save money in the long run. That makes it easier for me to buy something for myself LOL.

I did get some garden things and my grandma a gift for watching the kids 2day. Hubs just drueled the entire time at sheels.. it's like a giant bass pro shop or cabelas.. he wanted this and that and wants this.. OH my I need this.. I gotta have that. I can't stand to take him anywhere cuz the pressure it puts on me feeling like he wants everything and I being the "woman with the money" and does all the finacial stuff just wanna scream.. cuz of course can't buy all that shit. I tell him I don't enjoy going with him cuz makes me feel bad cuz you want everything and we can't get everything. Be different if it was a specific thing.. like say he needs or wants something OK.. cool you want that.. we'll plan for it. sure and so many times we just end up getting it.. no thoughts blah blah.. OK that's cool but 2 seconds later he wants this.. then this other things for the last thing.. and that then this new gadget. ERrrrrrr The things i want are things we don't have and I've wanted for a long time.. and shop around and make sure and blah blah.. it'd be different if his things were $50-$100 or even a bit more.. but were talking hundreds sometimes. and Guns.. OMG he got 2 new guns last season.. and has 5 or 6 already.. what the hell... now he wants a muzzle loader.. and a new fishing pole and some tackle and a shock collar for the dog and new hunting jacket.. and Oh gosh how about some boots. Or that new drill and some water proof boots too that inflate.. that he got last month he hasn't wore.

Or how about a fricken pair of shoes for our kids.. Come on.. it's always me me me want want want like a kid. He gets hunting mag's in the mail and he looks thru them for hours wanting this or that or watches the hunting channel gotta hunt this or that and do this or that.. and never satisfied with what he has. Makes me mad. I'd be more happy going out buying the kids a new game.. or bikes for us all so we can go biking this summer.. practical amy i guess. Got it from my mom. Then I get upset cuz he wants to go go go. my past 7 nights off we've spent 2 2gether. Skunk hunted 3nite.. fished the other. but can't stay awake with me ever but skunk hunting til midnight.. then bitches he's tired cuz has 2 b up at 5. Grrrr

Why am I bitchin? I was in a good mood.. until I got on this subject. OK i' love hubs.. yeah.. just don't think he had much growing up and expects to make up for it now or something maybe I should let him do the household budget for 6 months and let him see where and what kinda money we have. If I did that we'd have none... he's spend it.. I at least can save.. and have to hide it from him. Do i feel bad.. NOPE.. why.. Cuz it's for us and our family that I do it 4! He just hasn't been content at all the past 6 months and I am getting sick of it. Thinking winter would slow him down.. but's made it worse.. and to think summer is coming and fishing season.. Grrr another subject another time.

Anyways My baby bro getting married! YEAH

Sunday, March 23, 2003

What a Weekend!

Wow is it over yet? My weekend? What a long day/night/weekend. I'll be on later but just hadda say Whoaaa.. need some me me time not that I didn't love the togther time!