Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, February 15, 2003


Temp: 14 Degrees

The local guard unit left this morning at 7am. My Bro's GF and I said goodbye last night it was so sad. I will miss her and wish her all the best. She's very strong willed and confident and seemed happy and even a bit excited and I feel she's very proud of what she is doing for her country. Sure she'll call before she's deployed over-seas or where to next.. or write and said will have access to email so that's cool. Maybe not right away but after time.

I think it will be different to see if she's gone a whole year how much her and my brothers relationship will change. I mean a lot can happen in a year. My bro graduates from college in May and they had planned on moving to Nashville getting married and buying a house. My bro staying with us now til mon morning. He's sad today.

I've had a headache for 2 days now. Thought I was tired but slept late I thought. Didn't get to sleep until 4am. Hubs came down to work last night for V-Day he had a few beers funny when he drinks he gets loud and bossy. He sometimes bugs me maybe it was that I didn't have anything to drink. He had fun I think more draggin around T on a intertube on the snow with this guys 4wheeler. Sounded like fun I'd love to do that! Had drunk sex last night, More I had sex with a drunk. LOL ** refer to comment in other journal for that story.

I didn't get anything for V-Day really what I did get I told him to go pick up something for me that I was going to get anyways. Bummer cuz then it's not the same as if he was to go out and pick something out or take the time to think of something himself. Oh well...

Last year I got that dozen roses and told him to never do that again. They died 3 days later and the next month I got the bill in the mail cuz he charged them. But it was the thought. I am glad he didn't go waste that much again this year! I like pink roses my boss got his wife a single pink rose. How pretty. Wonder if he knows what Pink means? Pink roses are my favorite. Pink meaning a mix of red and white. Where Red is fire and desire and passion, and White being pure and honest and true. A perfect mix of colors and feelings. Pink! Yellow roses I love too but that is the color of friendship and rememberence.

I better go get ready for work. I hope this headache goes away.

Friday, February 14, 2003


Some days are rainy,
Some days are fair,
Friday comes before Thrusday -
( in the dictionary)

Sex Diary

Just posted in my sex journal and thought OMG am I nutty? I mean am I abnormal to like sex so much? I used to think it was normal or OK or whatever and fine and yeah I still think so cuz if you like it what the hell why not just do it. It isn't like I'm someone that's into werid things or anything. I just write about whoever.. whatever and what I like, what I'd like, what I've done and would do and stuff like that nothing too kinky I think. LMAO@myself.

I just like it and write about it. It's just funny. Cuz I think I'm werid sometimes cuz sometimes I feel like I like it too much?? Is there such a thing or reason can't it just feel good and be fun without analizing it? I think so. So anyways.. for those of you that do read it I'm not crazy am I? Sex diarys can be fun you should write one. I did get a few emails this week from this one person that wrote how much they wanted to be like me and asked me all kinds of questions. They obviously don't read my personal stuff just that one cuz they don't know me. Plus I don't link to this site or my others from that one.. so doubt they'd ever find this site with no reference to this or any other ones. Anyways gotta kick outta this person I should post some emails I get here. I mean come on people I'm not a sex advisor or expert or anything I'm just a married mom who gets it here and there and write about it.

Damn news is on again. I went almost a whole day without watching it. I like the piece on not buying anything from the french or germany. Segment on Cheese and wine. Like 32 Billion a year spent on cheese from germany.. buy american! People on there on the street are funny and shop owners with their comments and ideas. Well I'm off to play PS2 for a bit but will leave my Yahoo on. Bye

Personal Conflict..

Temp: 16 Degrees

Work was steady 2nite so kept me somewhat busy and kept my mind off things. Spent most day with amanda took the kids to daycare and we went for dinner then drove around got her drivers licence renewed and came home and showered and we layed around the rest of the afternoon** until I had to go to work. I'm honrey and came home and kissed hubby and he groaned a little sopose he's extra tired from staying up late late last night.. anyways he groaned and moved a little a let out this big 2 part fart.. and then had this little smile on his face.. OMG.. LMAO. Reminded me of a little baby. Ya know when they have gas and are sleeping and your watching them so cute and they smile a little.. same kinda thing I just laughed so hard.. then a second later he was snoring again. Think I'll try to leave him alone.

I need to discuss somekinda personl conflict or relation to get my mind on something else. I'm remembering the other nite in the bar with amanda**.. I'd like to talk about it but shouldn't should I. Nope. How about me and something else.. OK. So there is this person that drives me nuts. I can't read them for anything about anything.. confuses me.

Tomorrow is Valentines day.. Got hubs some boxers and a card and some PJ bottoms he'll never wear I'm sure but are cute.. maybe I will wear them. I"m bored borrowed some PS2 games from my boss I think I'm going to play later.

OMG I have rewrote this last paragraph 100 times now and kept deleting it cuz it's about a friend and can't say the words I want to say or make the point correctly on how I feel. It isn't a bad thing or good thing it's just a feeling and why it's troubling me so to talk about it I don't know.??? So I'm just going to go now and hopefully drop it for the night.. week.. year or forever. Stupid anyways I'm sure.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Got the Station.. Play that is

Temp: 11 Degrees

J bought a playstation2 2nite. Spend 2 months of paperoute money on it.. we pitched in for the rest and another controller. Why on the controller I don't know cuz we don't have any games?? But sopose we will soon I guess. My bro is coming up friday with his to borrow and J has lots of PS1 games down in SF he's going to bring up next time he goes down.. so that's OK. Hubs and I watched Meet the Parents 2nite so funny love that movie. I like how DVD players fast forward scenes like that.

Bro called for 30 min 2nite was sad I could tell... told him he's going to have to come down for visits more often and said band practicing this weekend with new bass player so going to fire up playing again more. Bummer just realized an hour ago that Amanda is coming over tomorrow night to say goodbye to everyone here and I gotta work.. SAD.. Maybe I'll find out her room # and stop over after work or something or something I just gotta hug her goodbye. Errr thinking about it leaves a low grumble in my tummy with bad feelings.

My bro said on his way home today he passed over 150 semi's with tanks and big metal boxes and stuff coming down the interstate said didn't hit him until he seen all these army trucks and stuff.. and then said it hit him hard.

I am so in bad spirits 2nite. Uneasy with all my feelings. I don't even want to talk to anyone or write about it. Gotta snap outta this. Maybe going back to work tomorrow night will help??? Hope so at least. I just need to focus in on the fun things and people and times in my life more than this negative shit. Fun with hubs 2nite.. cuddled on the couch playing for an hour during the movie. Took my mind off things for awhile at least.

Tucked my C-bell in so cute she picked me over hubby 2nite to tuck her in. Usually always picks dad cuz he does it on nights i work and stuff.. but right away said Mommy. We read a blues clues book and she gives such big huggies and kisses. Z was a riot 2nite. Hubby trying to put child proof locks on our entertainment center and hubs would say sit by me and watch and he'd scoot up as close as he could and sit for about 2 seconds and then stand up and sit down again trying to get closer to watch him with his cordless drill thingy. Then he's stand up again and wiggle in more until he was so close that he could touch it.. and so facinated by it. Cute. Wanted to help so bad. J watched dumb and dumber DVD right away after we hooked up the PS2.. K going for now.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Long Day

Temp: 16 Degrees

It's been a long day. My brother left at 1 thinking the last time he'll see his GF in who knows how long. Sad he was cuz didn't really get to see her after the ceremony this morning either. Unit leaving fri at 7am so he's thinking he may come back again tomorrow nite but not sure.

OK watching the news a bit today and all this talk about buying duct tape and plastic and 3 days of food. I don't know what to think of that. Part of me says Whatever.. if it's my time it's my time.. but then you think of your kids and think if it "could" help why not.. then I think OK what are the odds that we'd even be home. I'd be at work or middle of the night or hubs gone or someone.. My cuz B is crazy anyways and says he's going to sit out on his front porch with a jug of whiskey smoking a cig. LMAO and my aunt called said my uncle gone nuts duck taped their entire bedroom well the windows at least. Ummm lets see where I live the wind whips thru these shitty windows so not even worth plus with the heating ducts and stuff wtf? I can see having some water or extra food or something but duct tape??? WTF? Wouldn't protect you from radiology attack or bio maybe chemical so whatever. I am not worrying about it I guess. And even if you could make a room airtight.. how would you breathe?? Wouldn't you run outta air? Well I don't worry about it cuz not a room in our home that could even be.

I shut the TV off after those comments.. cuz I think OMG who wants to live in fear of not having duct tape? I dont' know.. guess makes me a little nervous hearing all that stuff. And how about all these people against the war. How are the soliders and men and women who fight to defend out country feeling about that... it makes amanda I know feel like crap. She's trained I think into believing to defend and follow orders.. but when on the news it had people on that were against war or bush she gets mad. I just don't say anything. I don't think these people mean to hurt them personally I tell her..

Kids are good today I'm so tired wanted to take a nap but didn't. I have to run some errands 2nite when hubs gets home. I am thinking I'm going to rent a movie tonight and veg out.. Still have some laundry to finish up and making tator tot hotdish for hubs... he specially ordered it. lol boo I can't eat it. Says makes a great lunch for work next day. K I'm off

Tuesday, February 11, 2003


Temp: 0 Degrees

OK going to try to get into a normal subject. I think I havn't been able to think or write cuz all my thoughts have revolved around the news and the gaurds leaving and my bro's GF who wants to talk non-stop about everything. That's fine I'm not complaining but for the past 3 days it's all I've listened to watched or heard. So I think it's kinda depressing so the last things I want to do is come online and think about it more. So I've been playing the Price is Right on Lycos games.. It's fun & funny.

Amanda went to her aunts this evening here in town to visit not back yet my bro coming back 2nite but she just called they are getting a room at motel to have some private time. That's cool :) I cleaned all day.. so tomorrow I have nothing major to do but get up early to go to the thing at the school honoring the unit. Think I'll rent a movie for tomorrow night. Tucked the hubster in for awhile.. was fun! No fight about a remote this tuesday... just fun rolling around the past hour.

Sopose to get my hair cut at 530 tomorrow but J really wants his hair cut now so giving him my appointment instead. :( Maybe it's a sign I'm not sopose to cut my hair cuz everytime I make an appointment something comes up.. J/K. I'm getting sad amanda will be leaving.. I'll just miss her. I'm off to write some other things. Bye for now!

War'd Out

Temp: 9 Degrees

OK I'm "war"ed out already. Manda watching the news and hearing so much on different things and terrorists and high alerts and Germany France & beligum won't let us into turkey blah blah ... Grrr I so wanna curl up on couch and watch something totally irrelavant to anything of real importance. Why.. cuz it makes me nervous I sopose. manda didn't get to wtrtown this morning so has been here all day.. her unit not leavin until Friday morning now..

Gotta get up and to armory tomorrow morning by 9 for that ceremony gov. is putting on for the unit. My bro left this morning at 8 and coming back up 2nite again to be with her and go to ceremony also. So house guests again. I don't mind the extra company I just havn't had a second to think by myself or do anything myself. I'm sure 2nite I'll sneak away into my room with a book or movie or something and a good stiff drink and hopefully have some private time with hubs a little.. hehe:) I hope.


Temp: 18 Degrees

All the neighboring schools are closing at 1030 because of the weather. Snowing and winds sopose to gust at 45mph. So glad stormy on a day I don't work. Amanda my bro's GF just left again sopose to go to wtrtown 2get her drivers licence renewed sucks weather bad. Taking 1/2 personal day off to get some other things done yet. I think it's nuts they tell ya Sun night be back by Tues 7am leaving thrus. OK so you have one day to go to the banks. Write all your creditors.. say goodbye to everyone specially those out of town. Buy everything you need and pack everything up. She's doing laundry yet and been on the phone for hours.

My bro left this morning at 8. Mandas went thru her footlocker we packed last night 100 times. Kids are being good considereing my living room is a army green mess with her things everywhere. I didn't realize all that shes required to have and wear wow.

I slept like a rock last night. Took me while to fall asleep but once I did I crashed. J just got home from school guess it was dismissed early I didn't see in on the TV.. he's crabby can't do anything

Monday, February 10, 2003

Totally Busy

Temp: 7 Degrees

Whoa.. what a day night and week so far. My Bro's GF who is a member of our local guard unit was activated and leaving on Thursday. Been with her for past 30 hours non-stop about. So no time to be online. Went out last night was her 21st bday.. went to this ole bar 15 miles away for a sunday only place that was really open that serves til 2am. We had a lot of fun. She attacked me once and me and her were so drunk we had a couple awkward moments cuz of new years day thing.. but thats cool.. but anything story I'm not going to get into tonight as I'm wiped.

This afternoon we went to wtrwon shopping for everything she needed for her trip. She had a list a mile long and it took up 3 hours in walmart then we hit the casino 1st time for her and ate there and got back round 10 tonight and packed all her stuff up and doing her laundry. She's really strong. I'm so going to miss her and trying to help out in any way on her last few days here. She's nappin on the couch now the guys are gone about hour away pickin up her vehicle and stuff for her she's gotta report in at 7am.

Governor of our state is having program at armory wed morning about the unit leaving and stuff and the kids from the schools are all going as well. I'm just hoping when the unit heads out on Thursday it isn't after I have to go to work cuz I am soooo going to have to be there to say goodbye. I can't even comprehend yet not being able to see her or call her or whatever.. she's so fun and smiley and I will miss her so much. They said overseas they will have internet access for email and such after a few weeks setting up camp and all.. That will be good she thinks.

Maybe she'll just go to camp in US and get ready and then no war and never have to leave the states although she's excited about seeing the world but worried about leaving my brother. He's been so quiet and lovey dovey to her it's kinda cute. We all had so much fun going out last night. Anyways so I havn't been on line at all.. again cuz I'm trying to be there for her to talk to or just help out anyway I can. She's up again can't sleep So I'm off...

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Wrestle Mania

Temp: 21 Degrees

J wrestled today wasn't a good turnout for our hometown invitation sopose because of the weather. So weights weren't as close and J ended up wrestling his best friend and another boy from here and one out of town boy. He got 2nd place. His 1st match was against his best friend and all they did was giggle and were just rolling around. He almost had J pinned and let him up you could tell they really weren't trying J ended up losing that 1st match but won the other 2. Was silly I sopose it would be hard to wrestle your own kids. Plus 3rd kid he beat was a kid a year older than him in 6th grade and he was crying and all mad a J after the match. J says hates to beat kids he knows from town and older than him cuz now that kid hates him. Stupid... I try to teach my kids it's sopose to be fun.. competitive yet 1st and always fun. The boy wouldn't even look at J after that and growled at him. J just said see now he'll hate me. Oh well.. Then I didn't feel sorry for the kid for losing anymore or his arm and shoulder was hurt.

Anyways. My bro was here and with us and his GF gets off the gaurds at 4ish so were thinking of going to the movie at 5 and out for supper no one to really go may go over to wtrntown and then she wants to go to bars that are open and the casino. Hubs has to work tomorrow so volunteered to be the DD so that's cool so sounds like fun! I'll maybe be on later think they are staying here so I may not. Chow for now!

Temp: -2 Degrees

Tomorrow my son wrestles here at home it will be nice we are closed tomorrow so I'll have the entire day off to watch and spend with him. I am excited!! I asked hubs to clean out the fridge for me tonight for something extra he could do to help out. I said Honey can you clean out the fridge just wipe everything out. Not meaning wipe it all away.. like clean out the fridge meaning get rid of everything. I open the fridge and everythings gone but the milk. I just went to the store today and bought some lettuce and few little things. And he thru it all. LMAO funny man.

Work was busy tonight it was fun. Makes time go by faster and everyone so happy in good mood was fun! Was a little overwhelming that everyone seems to always come at once. I thought everyone did awesome.. considereing we were a little short staffed and all customers were pleased and happy. J the one waitress was upset she gets crabby over her tips a lot latley. Kinda bugs me.. I understand they work for tips and all but sometimes you get tables that just don't tip as well. Other nights they do.. just the way it goes. She was all pissy about it though most the night. And I just wanna say Hey I made $11 myself alnight.. whoo hoo.. I don't care anyways but jezzzz. and the 1st customers I had at the bar were my last customers at the bar. The sat from 6 till 1130 and she waited on their food when they moved to a booth just to eat and came back up to the bar. I served them all night and cleared their tables and gave them all their drinks and the left $5 on the table and when they paid thier ticket left $5 more. I figured the $5 was for me since they left the other tip on the table but I didn't dare take it or not give all of it to her considering how pissy she can get over it.. frankly I don't care.. so I did.. but I don't like to hear the bitching when I think Come on.. could be worse... people don't have to tip at all.. or whatever. What comes around goes around>

I'm not bitching about them or anything just need to vent here and there.. cuz when they bitch wears on me.. and to vent it out at least makes me feel better. I mean if you took her average of the night $90 tips and $ 40 wages she way over makes what I make per hour. Just wish they'd realize that some nights you get bigger tips and others you don't. Sopose she just felt so busy and overwhelmed that she expected more. Oh well. Maybe I just don't understand cuz I don't rely on my tips but my salary and hours. I just tried to remain positive when she was complaining saying you did awesome last weekend.. you have good nights and bad nights. And I bet if you took your average for a month it's work out considering if you took the same amount of tables. She is an awesome waitress I think and she was like I said overwhelmed. I just am trying to stay away from negative coments and people... for my own sanity. I want to so get out of the ways of that since it seems to be rubbing off on me.. and I don't want to be that.

Gotta bitch a little about work I guess see I figure if I write it all here and get it out of my system it won't reflect anyone or thing else. But then again I don't want anyone here to think I'm bitching either LOL. I'm happy!

My boss is really really sick. I sure hope I don't get it. I felt a little funny this morning but tonight now I feel good. I'm so not tired. That sucks. Hubby snoring on the couch think i'll wake him up tonight to tuck me into bed since I missed him last night. Well it was kinda nice to take up the entire bed and watch whatever I wanted. :) Hope it warms up tomorrow or this week. So cold out. K nite!