Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Thursday, January 08, 2004


I have been in a slump for awhile, but this week is one of the worst, sure I'm positive and happy or try to be on most stuff but over the holidays I didn't count points on the food I ate and ate what I wanted but didn't over-eat I know... but I have gained 8 pounds in 2 weeks. OMG sick... I had seen the scale actually go up as far as 12 lbs gained... but consistance on my weigh in's at 8lbs. CRAP, sure some say it could be more water weight in 2 weeks others say are you bolated or drinking all you water... na, no .. dangit

Mon I worked out 40 min and swam an hour with kids, tuesday I gazelled, last night I just felt fat and ya know b4 weight watchers I didn't feel fat but now I do. I couldn't get out of the house last night to work out and think that's what depressed me, it's too cold and dark to walk at night and I just couldn't get away from kids or things that hadda be done here or running to practices with older kids... just busy.

The Gazelle is awesome you just can't do it with kids around, I've tried doesn't work. But ontop of weight gain I'm so like broke out, sure other again say.. your stressed out or TOM na, no not really but oh well. So I'm feeling crappy 2day. Hubs xmas party 2nite I have to work a little bit I wanted to go shopping to buy something new but with this weight gain I don't dare reward myself.

Don't like food so much maybe it the key. I like food, all kinds in all ways, wish I was a salad eater or something hahaha... like didn't get bored eating the same ole good for ya meals everyday. yeah right

WoW listening to myself I'm pretty negative right now arn't i... not good. I need to take a deep breathe and smile:) YEAH I better go.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004


Already breaking a Resolution, see I got the internet hookup for PS2 and J has the game NFL 2k3 and I got hooked up and working yet EPSN Sega Games isn't working or is down so couldn't play just yet not that I would/could.. so I get online on my puter to read about other games and b4 I know it, I started out 1015... just a quick lookup on MSN search.. until I look up and it's 1130 and I now want to buy 2 other online ps2 games, FFXI of course coming out on PS2 march, with a PS2 Hard Disk Drive is about $100 bucks not to bad with the game even.. geez.. then I'm finding all these other games I want,

winter, I'm into playing games again. FFX-2 is great I was 9 hours into it before the holidays but restarted it the other night now i'm only 4 hours into it. Hadda start all over to get the whole feeling and remembering where I left off from 3 weeks ago, I couldn't remember. It's an awesome game/sequel to FFX omg gotta get FFX it's a greatest hits now for $20 bucks, I even bought it for my lil bro for xmas since when we were little we loved Zelda so much and RPG's are our fav's... Shit it's late I gotta go :( Boo hoo. Xmas party time tomorrow night will be fun can't wait!


    New Years Resolutions
  • Think God!!!

  • Lose Weight

  • Make my Bed every Morning

  • Be more patient with my family

  • Read more to the kids everyday!

  • Dual Budget get hubs involved

  • Plan things and stick them out--- menu's!

  • No more fast fooding - only if out of town or special occassions

  • Work out 4 times a week

  • Schedule a Family Night

  • No internet late nights or supper

  • Make that date with Hubs once a month

  • "LISTEN" better

  • Remember BDays and Anniversarys

  • No nasty/naughty thoughts.. of anyone
  • Visit friends/relatives more often and call

  • Do not go out without hubs!!!

  • DO NOT Drink and drive over 2 drinks in 3 hours

  • To be in bed by 1230 everynight- unless working

  • To be up b4 kids or right away when they are

  • Keep to my cleaning schedule to make it easier

LOL omg I could type 100 more, I've been writing them as I think of them in a little notebook in my purse I sopose i'll print this out now and hang it on the fridge to remind me. Most are self explanatory, the Remember BDays are cuz the last 2 years I've gotten so bad at mailing cards out and father in law got on me about that and pictures of the kids.. opps.. the drinking and driving should just be a no no completely I know, last year I drove home too many times not even remembering... how horriable.. and irressponsible and how I hate myself for that... the listening is for my daughter who talks 24/7 and constantly interrupting I need to stop turn and listen or explain to her she needs to wait her turn, instead of tuning her out.. which I have found myself doing more recently.

Going to bed by 1230 is a must, I can't spend the time I want with my kids durning the day feeling rested when I'm tired and crabby. Making my bed everyday is just cuz my room is the only room that has no clutter.. just a bed, dresser, night stands and bookshelf and a tv stand and TV... nothing more laying around or cluttered and when I need to escape or want to veg out my favorite place in the whole house is my bed... on my fluffy comforter reading a book or watching TV or just listening to the radio but it's clean and non-cluttered and sopose why I like it and when my bed's made everyday just makes it more perfect. Silly huh.

As for those late night things i used to love to do, I have to go and do them during the day or plan them on a night I don't work and earlier or just don't do it. The no internet at night is mainly for my nights off, although i usually am not on then anyways but that's family time and no that's usually not a problem anyways but also it's for the time when the little ones are in bed and it's just hubs and me, our time not my time on puter... and also .. I won't get engrossed in some article or program or webpages designing or photo organizing and b4 ya know it it's 230 am.. like the 100 times that has happened to me. I'll start a new webpage and b4 I'm done I have a new site with 20 pages and 20 designs and it's 4am... no more. So if I say no internet at night that's what I'm talking about.

Think God! That's my number one for the year.. with him I don't have to worry any about the other things now do I! Yes I know that yet I have found myself so bad the last couple years and more and more discontent and I know it's because I have pushed God to the sidelines... i have sinned in ways I never imagined or thought I ever would/could and wow.. that's scarey now. So praying and reading and communicating with my pastor about my sins has helped a lot so far.

Family night.. that's simple, we need one! We havn't had one since I started working again. It used to be Sat's me hubs and J would play rummy 500 or payday once a week have game night.. now it's lucky if it's 2 times a year!!! Sunday I got off work early and was able to play one hand with J, but had to make a point and was almost a hassle, but we tried. Little kids wanted to play too makes it hard. Kids weren't even in bed when I got home, but still had them in the tub. Another area to work on, hubs and kids at night... I have to think of ways to make things easier on everyone in the house not just me, kids or hubs but us all.

Which I have to go cuz kids starting to get hungry gotta start dinner then I'm tackling my closet... hahahaha fun huh.. NOT.


OK our kitty spock is keeping me up all night. 1st off he has to sleep with us, under the covers he curls up down way under usually hubs sleeps on his side so he'll curl up behind his bent knees, sometimes he'll curl up in my hair and purrs so loud he's fuzzy and cute yeah.. but last night he got his collar off and on our new floor he was slip sliding all over with the little bell on his collar rattling and him sliding was loud it's almost funny now but not getting up 10 times to say go to sleepy.

Can't believe how the weeks flying by already. How did i in the past get my household chores done, and manage to watch TV and crochet and play games and visit friends and go out before cuz I for the life of me can't get to do anything these days until 1030 last night before I made myself sit down and do something. Maybe it's my kids are older, bigger, more demanding, or was it back then I didn't work? I need to work more one on one with my kids too I know just more I need to do, but Z still isn't talking clearly, I have appt next week for hearing test, I think it's OK he was tested at birth, but it's the 1st step. 2nd is speach therapy according to parenting websites this bulliten borad on another mom's concern sounds like me too as do lots of other posts on that website I love parent/baby center used if since I was preggy with C 5 years ago now. So I tried this morning to work one on one with him more with flash cards and he's smart knows colors and orders and knows exactly what to do when told so he's a smarty but doesn't talk, and both my others talked clearly b4 age 2.

C already reads books with me and knows all her letters from flash cards and songs. But anyways this morning it wasn't 5 minutes and we were interrupted by my daughter which is constantly at the stage where all focus has to be on her... or so it seems. So I tried to do flash cards with both of them taking turns but she still blurts out her answers b4 he has a chance, like in everything poor Z never gets the chance to talk. Sure I understand all he says, and he says some words clear like Mama, dad and kitty and some others, yet... it's time for me to check into other options while he's still this young.

It's sunny but only 14 degrees but I plan on going for a walk with the little ones after lunch is even for 5 minutes they need to get outta the house and get some exercise too. Maybe after we'll cruise over to grandma's. Last night my GF and her boys came over, that was awesome!!! Things had been ruff since her candle party last summer, she has a party like every other month, this month it's a tastefully 'sin'full party next friday which I told her if she gave me a good advance I'd take off and go, but since I have off hubs xmas party I didn't take it off, but I just explained to her how I just can't afford to take another night off and buy products on top of that and how I 'DO' want to go, but... and she was understanding WOW.... sure she bitched a little like well if you worked days always throwing that at me, but i've learned to blow that off about her... but I did tell her if I can get off early that night I will be there cuz yeah I really wish I could, almost made me feel guilty she was ok about it, she's the one to usually harass me about our friendship and time and rub it in my hours compared to her, hubs and everyone else we hang with or hung.. i should say.

Anyways my son and her's went to the BB game, she took them I picked them up at 930.. and inbetween she came by for a visit, makes me remember I need to make a point to visit others more often, my grandparents are always coming over here a couple times a week too and my other GF and her daughter so I could add that to my list of things to do this year or to improve on...

Monday, January 05, 2004

Happy New Year

Wow, it's been forever that I've actually sat down alone in my living room at the computer and typed anything. So much happened the past 3 weeks and so much company and the holidays I've been completely absorbed in all that, that it hasn't phased me a bit I havn't been online. Guess that helps one of my new years resolutions of online time huh... I have a list of like 15 things I want to be better about and to make me better overall i feel at least... Maybe I'll share later, hubs packing his lunch we took the kids swimming tonight, actually I planned on going to the gym to work out and the rest of the family decided they'd swim. so I worked out for 40 minutes then swam with them, it was fun but water and the chemicals in the pool are making me tired now and it's only 10.

Last night too I couldn't keep my eyes open, up all last 2 weeks by 8 or 9 and even earlier, guess that's good isn't it, but makes me in bed b4 midnight too.. isn't that what I wanted all last year is to go to bed instead of being up til 2 or 3 every single night.. yeap :) Feels nice to wake up with the little kids in the morning and feel refreshed, hope I can keep these hours!

I sopose he's hinting to hit the hay, We crabbed at each other all day yesterday and pretty much avoided each other 2day, cuz well kids are around so acting normal, but sopose we can talk alone now and hopefully that'll make me feel better :) haha.. oh well... if not I can just go to bed or I'll read some in the book i've started but the way I'm yawning now I'm thinking I'm going to just crash once my heads hits the pillow, I'll write on Tuesday and catch up or at least start writing again if something sparks me!