Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, July 12, 2003

kinda crabby now

Crabby omg I wish I could just crawl back into bed or more have it be time to go 2 work.. and wish it as so busy 2nite i don't get home til 3 so I don't have to be here n can just come home and crash cuz hubs crabby.. says doesn't feel good but i don't 'care not reason to be mean n say mean things n be crabby all day to everyone cuz i've about had it. Sure I was being nice what can I do for you kinda wifey but only to a point where if I'm gonna be treated crabbyassed that's it. No more nicey me and I can be a bitch i know... so anyways.. not been fun 2day at all and more hurts me cuz like sopose to be a nice day just me n little ones n hubs and its' been nothing but bitchin and bickering and totally not healthy nor fun or anything so i'm just zippin my mouth so i won't say something I regret and ignorning what ever he says crabby. It isn't even all he says that's rubbin me the wrong way it's his crabby attitude toward everything else too that bugs me. Like picks up something to move it and instead of picking it up and setting it down he'll toss it and grunt like piece of shit or something like the I don't care about you or anything attitude and that gets me upset more than anything nothing worse than a pissy attitude face specially for no reason. You don't feel good.. and tired go lay down.. don't drag me n kids into your world n come back when you feel better or if ya need something be gratefull.. why do some people when feel bad want everyone else to feel bad.. and worse to me is i'm sopose to be someone he loves.. that hurts.. to be crabby. And like what's for supper well he's on his own. I work. Poor kids I feel bad for them being stuck home with him.. but he'll be fine with them n stuff I know.. just hasta whine to someone i guess but never understand that concept of taking things out on the one ya love cuz your the one that's always there.. that's the stupid idea of my 1st hubs.. and totally not correct.. last person that should be treated that way. But that's another life.. another story and i"m just kinda pissy now being round pissy pants all day. everyone's nappin now and I've been cleaning for the most part.. cuz well if I didn't nothing would get done.

Can I get a free one?

Funny thing I got home I hadda lot to write about or so I felt.. but stopping thru the house I seen what a total disaster everything was left I dug into cleaning a few things and doing the dishes & on my 2nd load of laundry. All the big kids are gone for the weekend so just hubs me and the 2 little ones.. so quiet relaxing weekend I would love to snap my fingers and have everything done so I could enjoy the rest of the weekend.. but OMG way tooooo much shit to do. Hubs didn't lift a finger but that's ok said he wasn't feeling good all day. Chest pain on this right side when he takes a breathe in. When he exhales it's ok but inhales it's a sharp pain. Told him could be a pulled muscle or he's got some kinda bronchi infection or chest cold coming on.. or what i told him if really hurts should make appt for after hours clinic in the morning and see the Dr since I'm not one. So I get to play nurse to him at least for the night. he's pooped out working all week and up at 5 and then driving 4 hours 2day to drop kids off.. he called and was crashing at like 1030.. that's ok. I'm not tired of course but don't feel like doing any more at least not 2nite.

Was crazy busy as hell at work. Fun I was in a great mood so makes the night go so much faster and knowing and doing it for so long now it's awesome as you just go with the flow doing what ya do.. and although at times it seems crazy it didn't even make me crazy... Hummm sitting here now wonder if that has something to do with that Zyban I'm on.. making me all relaxed and less jittery.. or maybe it's I don't smoke anymore so I don't have that nervous fidgetty thing going on anymore.. Just feel more relaxed durning those busy stressful times. Maybe I'm just more confident was a little nervous when I had the 1st party walk into the bar at about 530.. and the 1st four women ordered brandy old fashions.. but all in werid fo ways i'd never made b4 nor heard of.. so I flumbled thru and did great they said.. fancier then they were used to not shaken n stuff so were impressed.. so cute.. and the old guys kept coming out to get more drinks saying how good they were and asked if i recommended which fish and food.. and I was acting all like the walleye is to die for.. and sooo funny cuz I'm like do you like it broiled.. and the guys like Yeah.. I'm like OMG it's to die for.. and he's all OH yeah?? LMAO.. and old ladies so cute and funny. They're coming back out tomorrow night to see me again they stopped out after their meal to say thanks and see ya tomorrow.. and that was like an hour after I had seen them since they ate up in the old bar. Cute.. makes ya feel good and cheery when people are.. then ya got some dumb ass dorks.. that bitch for an hour about getting a free drink.. round for him and his friends.

OK so a couple of 6 come in - 3 couples they .. have a round while waiting for a table.. and the 2nd round the other couple pays for and after the 3rd round the guy that has to buy or his turn is like isn't it the bars time to buy since we've had a round. I ignored it and said Did you want another round? "is it free" he says.. I'm like No. .. ok so they leave go out into the dinning room eat and come out for after dinner drinks.. guys up at the bar and gals in a booth.. and guys up there ok now we've ate is it time for a free round? WTF? No again so this other poor guy they are out with pays again i think probably to just shut this asshole up. Anyways... silly and the next 2 round the same thing cept for the last which he came up and ordered and hadda stand behind the bar and watch me pour his drink and everytime all night i made his drink he's like now put some frickin booze in there this time. FO. It was well over a shot that 3rd time he bitched.. but since he still did even when i made it stiff i figure won't be happy either way so FO and your getting a less of a shot. Naaa i didn't but wanted to. Actually i have the right to refuse service to anyone if I really wanted to be a bitch.. obviously this guy has a real problem with women or women bartenders.. that's the one part of my job I hate.. somedays I wish there was more men around working cuz most men treat ya with respect and much better when another man around.. this guy was dink-#1 awarded for the night.

So after watching me pour n saying this should be on the house.. and i'm thinkin he had 5 drinks in 2 1/2 hours.. with supper what a dick. What was worse was the couples they were with are all laughing and women clapping and whootin like he was funny.. That's when I wish i wasn't working and could just go up to the table of people like that and say did you know you are all just disgusting. And worst part is like I know them.. or seen them the one i know works at the bank.. and i jsut can't pinpoint them now.. but will... but stupid. Oh well hell if I'd ever give anyone a free drink if they sit and beg for it.. and let alone were a supper club.. if you were to come into the bar everynight.. drink everynight.. ok yeap then i'd throw ya a free one once a week after you'd paid for 20-30 drinks. That's just stupid customs around here.. but you eat there 2 times a year maybe and last time was like last summer i specifically remember that same exact table.. and feeling that same way all over again.. eww icky. pukey. Love to see them acting that way at another place.. lol i'm silly

So talking to another it's like OK so you buy 1000 gallons worth of gas a year at a gas station in town.. do they give ya a free gallon of gas here or there.. or our local grocery store owners.. i spend 300-400 a month at the grocery store .. do you see them giving me a free loaf of bread or something. Wouldn't be so bad but to ask for something and expect it is one thing I don't like. And funny thing is I'm in a totally good mood and that guy and people didn't bug me a bit or piss me off.. just sickening. OH well lol.

OK other then that lmao great night. Busy busy busy made time fly. So my boss lady is due in like 9 days.. OHHHH so exciting and she's sooo cute preggy. It's been almost 7 weeks and no smoking.. but I'm depressed.. i've gained 1/2 of what i lost this year back.. that's a lot.. it's bad.. I figure on that monday july 21st i'm going back on my diet i did at the begining of the year but with a total new exercise plan.. no areobics this time.. well maybe some land areobics.. not sure but something more.. at least 3-4 times a week.. worst part for me is the getting out time to exercise cuz i'm always here iwth the kids. But i'm whipping up something .. gotta . Knew or figured i'd gain some after i quit smoking but didn't expect to gain 1/2 of what i've lost.. so bummer.. but hey it's better then smoking and eventually i'll lose it again.. but still.. :( Booo hooo

OMG it's 221 already I gotta get going. K nite :) Hugs to all

Friday, July 11, 2003

Theme Thursday

OK here's my photo for this weeks project for theme thursday. It was ground view where you snap a picture at ground view.. simple hadda few but as i was glancing thru my pictures my little ones were on the floor coloring and I thought ohhh perfect for me.. as it's a favorite past time at our home to pile out onto the floor with a ton of coloring books and dump the bucket of crayons onto the floor. Anyways Click here to see the pic.

Gotta work soon n hubs still not back I rubbed some lotion into my eye i think when outta the shower and now my eye won't stop watering and I can't really open it grrrr.. K bye for now

Cool n Nice 64

Kids up when i got home watching Spiderman.. well the 2 older ones.. and wanted me to play cards with them at like 130am.. naaaa did some laundy and washed some dishes.. lotta fun I am after a night of work. I just wanted to relax but oh well got some stuff done that cool. I'm really super tired right now. Hadda nice time at work 2nite... too nice almost there i go again... sooo anyways Hubs going down to SF tomorrow hope to goodness makes it back by 4 so I can go to work. My step daughters mom is meeting him and always an hour or more late.. and told hubs to stress the importance to her and to even say to meet 1/2 hour early or hour just to be safe. Funny Wish he'd just let me take all the kids down tomorrow well the bigger ones as my son's and his cousin are riding down to his dads n P back to her home down there so just the lil ones who grams would've watched then i could've went shoppin.. not that i need anything .. but do think about this one store i could hit specially since i'd have no kids.. how fun n surprises for hubs.. but oh well.. next time. K nite (((HUGS)))

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Ohhh Myyyy Gosh

Mouth wide open. Just read my post from last night and OMG... what was I thinkin or writing? Ohh crap. Worse was I then raced to see if worth the delete if so n so hadn't read the post yet but seen it was tooo late already read:( Shitty. OMG just so they know I was drunk n I talk crazy sometimes specially on my blog and more so when i've had a few n had some fun. I do feel lots those ways but not to the extent or extremes of me worried or upset or any of that.. cuz that i'm not and the undecidedness of another isn't true either there the wine was whineing.. on me.. so anyways OMG... sucky

Oh well nothing i can do about it now. So I can be a bit embarrassed I sopose but hopefully not.. sopose in my past b4 i knew about reading i'd wrote worse things huh.. probably oh well. Silly me. So I did get to bed last night and woke up hubby n had round 2 anyways.. poor guy getting woke up at 3. I have a ton to do 2day better get..

Sex Shack

OK since we got the new bedroom set OMG sex has been just awesome everynight. I used to think sex in the waterbed was awesome and i'd never want a real bed cuz the waves and the curvin was best on the waterbed... but something aweseomly better in my new bed. Something about mayb the fact I don't sink and it's just striaght inward or something but anyways.. it's awesome. Last night hubs invited me into the bedroom after his shower bout `11 and I went back and it was dark and I was like Honey.. and he was behind with the lights off and pitch black and shuts the door and tosses' me (nicely) onto the top of the bed... and had the best sex.. omg.. whoaaa anyways.. omg.. and all week/weekend just been awesome. Hummm

Sooo 2nite at work after like a glass of wine i'm all thinking about another night of sex and sooo wanting it.. (j) and yet still i hold back soo much but anyways.. i just wish i had one whole night no worries of someone busting in... or c but then again that's kinda thrilling.. just think i think too much into it and Ihave to admit the past 2-3 month I have been SOOO good about the entire situation and thinking yea i can handle anything and yeah i won't/don't care that much and only on a friend basis and talked myself outta all those romantic feelings.. yet 2nite for that little flash i felt back to myself for that twinge of OMG it's still there... i still want them.. and seductively like OMG.... crap n the ole rushes of the thrilll of what if this and what if i could do that.. and this and omg.. i stop you've been so good.

sooo i havn't really talked about sex for awhile so what the heck. Yeah I still want it do it and it's ok I'm married .. sopose to be that way right. I just about set up a fantasy 2nite which i'm sure i'll fullfill anyways about me going away for a week of sex. LMAO i sooo naughty how many real people do you know fantasize about a trip away based on having sex in a hotel room for a week.. on whatever??? LMAO.. meeee meet me.. amy a for always m for me and y for you. Always Me n You. AMY ll .. lmao i'm drunk. n stupid huh. Smiley as usually. yeapers... but still silly as hell. actually i havn't felt very smiliey latley well not so much i've been kinda snappy n pushy awayish.. sopose it's myself trying to push away again to not be hurt and yep works soooooo soo well.. cuz havn't yet still a bit here n there that's just me though. I'm still horney wish i was sober'er is that a word? sure .

I just want this person to just know how much i want them and sooo how much i wish they'd know that and tell me it's cool cuz they feel the same.. and even thought i think now if they said that i'd be like OMG NOOOO cuz i wouldn't probably really want to know that.. cuz might scare me but probably still feel better then that last/minute feeling of getting home and it being like Oh well.. your the last one standing and there so wtf.. feeling i sometimes get. SOmeone else told me it's me cuz i'm always the last one standing.. meaning wise.. well if i wasn't it would be someone else.

That kinda hurt me when he said that cuz i was like it's sooo much nicer to think it isn't that and more it's more me.. but then i think yea that person can be right i sopose.. and that's ok rite but yet still.. for me.. i'm more into stuff more then jsut the norm and would rather think otherwise. Just wish that T would have never put those negative thoughts in my ehad about J cuz really puts a damper on my feelings/thoughts.. then i think he just tells me or told me that to turn me off of them.. i don't know confuses the crap outta me cuz then my who i'd think a real friend tell me he just says that cuz tells me things i wanna hear and then i think why would he say things that hurt me. ??

LMAO what the hell.. oh well who cares.. im' just in it for fun and loving every moment of fun with friends i get.. of course i care and love yeap just me to be that way or wouldn't work.. but yes i still need to feel it's real..unliek t thinks it is i think dfferent at times. or so to goodness hope so.. is it?? yeapppers.. oh well i always figure if i don't get a sign in the next day or two then i' ll know it's ture but ok so sillyness i just am thinking OMG... then i think about what this other guy told me... and makes me question it all over again.. then i think about real friends and people i know and have known n think wtf??? i don't know .. do i care .. yeap... i do too much. why i've acted so silly for the past couple weeks.. probably for the best.

LMAO .. i'm silly so i wanna run away for just a few days with this person.. no no way forever or that but that weekend away sounds so awesome.. omg the fantasy's about that.. So hubs n I had better find someone trustworthy to watch kids for a week/weekend sometime this upcoming winter. Sounds awesome to shack up n just hang n check things out friendly all like n have sex.. yet then again i think the Terrry E way of just renting a room at the casino up north for a night.. cuz cheeper to rent a room and mix n make your own drinks then to pay for them.. and all crash there... OMG that just sounds fun getting away. I think getting away sounds awesome.. Just rite now.. 2nite i want to go away with J more than anyone.. sorry being honest. It'll pass.. it always does.. for awhile at least.

K nite heheh remember i'm pretty tipsy. Sippin strawberry hill outta a bride's glass. lmao. actually what i'm thinking.. is i close my eyes.. i take in a deep breathe.. and run my arms/hands upward toward the sky up=stretched and back down my sides kinda ticklish styled and with a true smile n sigh and giggle and eyes open wide with that "take me" look n do me.. now.. and yeap exactly what i'm feeling right now.. and dreaming 2nite in 2 min about how wonderful it all is. K .. K nite bye

Wednesday, July 09, 2003


OK the thunder's rolling here good again I look up to see it's 220.. damn i should be in bed.. away from windows and shut down my puter huh... Yeah OK been working on designing again.. thinking a photo blog of my own.. or more just a lil gallery to put my pictures.. sounds fun. I know I have 100 projects I could and should do huh? Oh well.

So here's my first Theme Thursday for now. Fun anyways. Still looking for a solitude picture but havn't found anything that has caught my eye yet for last fridays theme, cept for the same picture with the lil fly on it.. he musta buzzed in just as i was clickin. Cute. OMG sounded like lightening hit the house that one. Bye

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Photo Blogs

I love to look thru people photo blogs.. and sooo inspired me to get my own digital camera so that way I could snap.. snap.. snap whenever I wanted to. I find myself taking 100 plus pictures a week it's a lot of fun yet I havn't busted into any of the photo editing software or other programs yet to try all that out. Don't have the time really now either but would love to. But looking round at the blogs I like I see that 26 Things a new photo scavenger hunt for this month has started I'm going to try to find/take all these sounds like fun. Photo scavenger hunt.. neat. Guess I'll post all mine Aug 1st then too.

Looking at other photo's it's really neat to see how someone else sees something or how they find that interesting or whatever.. Mine by far as not professional.. but for fun as most everyone's are.. I tend to like pictures that talk to me or have personal meaning or thoughts. Not all though.. I'll take pictures of things I like too but just cuz.. so I remember or can look back and say Ohhh yeah wow my garden's really grown.

Day I'll Die

Kinda Comical.. Enter your name and see what ya get.. Here's mine. Sillyness

Happy Deathday!
Your name:Twilight
You will die on:Monday, April 27, 2020
You will die of:Serial Killer Victim
Created by Quill

Monday, July 07, 2003

Bakers Dozen

I havn't participated in the bakers dozen yet but often thought about it so I'll give it a go. Here's the Meme of this..
The idea is to come up with twelve thoughts and one pic to describe your weekend. Try using quotes, events, blog entries, whatever. Post a link to your entry when you're done.

1) The 4th of July Fireworks N Family
2) My Son coming home
3) My brother and Dad here for visit
4) My Dad and Brother leaving
5) Seeing the "band" play at the rail for the last time...
6) Kids eating snow-cones
7) Having way too much to drink
8) Bottle of Resiling with a wonderful supper n nite out with hubs
9) Started reading the newest Harry Potter Book
10) Got my new bedroom set
11) 6 weeks 2day with no smoking
12) BBQ'in all the time

Note: I took picture above at our house during our citys firework show on the 4th.

Unconscious Mutterings

  1. Fashion show:: dancing around
  2. Boundaries:: restricted
  3. Roadkill:: dinner
  4. Narcissistic:: nicotine
  5. Authority:: power
  6. Martini:: gin or vodka
  7. Personality:: happy
  8. Comfortable:: living
  9. Symptom:: ill - sick
  10. Dating:: done with

I like this Sunday meme where they throw out 10 words to you and you just as quickly as ya can blurt out the 1st words that come to your mind. Sometimes I think Hummmm specially the roadkill for dinner?? LMAO.. anyways kinda fun to read everyone else's too.

dead ass tired

I'm whiped. My wrist is killing I think I broke it. I went to make a drink toward the end of the evening at work outta a new bottle of bacardi Razz and crack my wrist gave out and I could hold the bottle up to pour from and hadda left/hand wing it the rest of the night.. sopose after making a million drinks the past 2 nights it's shot along with me but OMG it's so bad right now I couldn't even open a new gallon of milk.. ya know how you have to twist the top n break that seal thingy well nope can't do it.. and awkward left handed but got the job done. LOL.. guess I shouldn't laugh.. it really hurts I must have sprung my wrist.. it's kinda swollen and even feels bumpy.. I'm kinda a baby 2day anyways..

My brother and Dad headed back to Nashville today.. OMG sooo sad .. what was the worst was as I turned left to head down the road to work.. my brother and dad in the uhal.. turned right driving down the highway and to me was the worst cuz like they were driving outta my life or something dramatic.. as I was all day about it.. and it was like Omg my lil brother.. who 1/2 ways always lived with me or came home n seen every other weekend and talked for hours into the night and just fun and sooo great with my kids and a great uncle for the most part... yeah.. and just the killer was.. that last lil look in the rear-view mirror was the worst cuz it was like OMG There they go.. and I have NO idea when we'll be together again feeling of panic.. like NOOO don't go.. really really really hard.. much more ever than when my parents come and go.

It's just I have no family left here but an uncle who's cool.. and 3 grandparents.. and of course lots of other relatives just not immediate or very close like with parents or siblings. Sure I'll be fine just going to have to go there more often or at least once a year or twice and hopefully they will come back like they do from time to time when allowed. OK I better go my baby is making noises.. like he's awake.. and kinda crying better go rocky-bye with him. I may be back to fill ya in about the rest of the weekend.. the good the bad and the really ugly. K bye