Twilight

Writing about my life and things in it and what I think

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Congrats lil Bro!

Still an ongoing crazy time... going to SF tomorrow morning early I hope I' just stuck $30 in my bro's card for graduation but going to pick out a nice shirt n tie for him also at that mall tomorrow when I go there.. n just tell him I was bad and didn't get it b4 but wanted you too look great when you start your "real" job search! Hehehe college graduate! lmao.. I was so proud of him... n I am getting so emotional the past few days... n during the ceremony just cried.. he's my baby bro... n got married now.. n moving 1000 miles away soon... n I'm just going to miss him so much. N hubs n I got into it last night again... just he's been so crabby n mean at me.. or I feel and I'm just a bit bummed about life n things n just feeling overwhelmed with no help on a few different subjects and I'm on the verge of a mental meltdown somedays... n was so fun to just sit n listen to my bro's band last night but then I got so sad.. they're leaving soon n I try to be happy for them yeap... n positive n nice n supportive n just want to say Nooo don't leave me i love you.. your my baby bro been thru so much n always hanging around n here n there n nice to talk to n to think in a few months he'll be gone.. gone.. and it's something I'll get over just fine... i know.. just makes me sad from time to time when i think about it.

Anyways on the subject of hubs n his non-responsive attitude to anything I say.. about how I feel or what I think or things that interest me.. are totally eating at me n whenever I try to talk to him about things that interest me i feel he could care less.. n doens't even really listen to me. And if I get serious n say.. honey this is important to me.. or I did this and was so proud n loved it or something about anything he's so negative n like i hate that... no Wow really.. or acts remotley interested in anything I have to say... so then I pout n figure FO I just won't tell you anything.. better to talk to a frickin wall then talk to you.. at least you know it's just gonna stand there n say nothings rather then have the man you love... n make you feel 2 inches tall.. It's back to that feeling if you alone by your own choice you can be so much happier then being with someone that hurts you cuz you feel they don't care. And he tries to do things to make me happy he does n 90% of the time I am.. just that again there are some things he can't complete n when I try to approch him with something to fill in the void.. he does the opposite n makes me feel crappy.

Like when I say I'm gonna miss my bro so much n been making me really depressed n sad n just wish he'd say.. it's ok i'm here.. i love you.. you'll be fine.. something nice... but instead says something like I never see my sister. OMG like you'd want to.. I've been the one to encourage all his relationships with his mom,, sister.. and even his daughters.. I've never stood in the way of anything of him.. but to totally disrespect my feelings n compare to nothing.. makes me feel like he could give a rip about mine. Like he's ever going to come to me and say I miss my sister... I'd be like OMG honey why don't we go visit or call her up.. invite her up sometime.. but she's a piece of work anyways... not a very nice person at all. At least my family is always there for us... not like his family ever does anything and that's fine.. but to compare my feelings n hurt with something non-relevant hurt .. and hurt a lot:(

I just feel I have no hubs that cares about me my feelings and hurts. OK I'm sooo emotional n thinking so crazy ... looking forward to my trip all alone in the morning n shopping n pickin up my son n enjoying his company. But really I don't want to be alone.. but can't ask anymore anything of him cuz it hurts even more when he doesn't pick up on it. N when I finally have to say something I feel worse cuz of his remarks. Whatever I guess.

Gotta work 2nite.. Had a lot of fun yesterday n last night.. Long day/night but fun! I may be a bit depressed... lonley or something but sure it'll pass as always n give me a nice warm shower now n get ready for work and I'll be happy! Wonder if it'll be crazy busy? Kinda hope so. So congrats to my brother for finally getting a degree n steping out into the real world n wish him the best n most happiness in whatever n where ever his life leads him... May he find peace n serenity in all he does n contentment! Love Ya XOXOXO I'm proud n so happy you are you... :) As crazy as he is losing his keys.. it's cute. hehehe hadda add that cuz after grad ceremony he had locked his keys in his truck... so after ceremoney hadda find someone with a wire hanger for 10 min and unlock it to get his keys... again LMAO.. Funny but gotta laugh cuz it's all the time! K gotta go :)

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Busy day... Busy Weekend

Another busy day.. n upcoming weekend, LMAO hubby so pissy at me cuz I was just telling him I was inviting people to meet us up at the bar on the hill for my Bday next week he's like Trust me i have plans.. and I'm like I hope they envolve friends.. it isn't like an anniversary that's special n alone time I want to share my night will everyone. Going to run naked thru their homes n sing. OK NOOO but going to make a point that day to stop by all my GF's homes n places of employment to say Hi it's my Bday Just wanted to share that with you cuz I love ya and Bye. Hehehe So I'll be the traveling birthday gal spreading joy to every home. OK i'm dumb. But happy day n just wanna share it.

OK so b4 this chat he's in the shower when I got home n like he wants to work for this guy he works with that does mechanical work from his home in evenings and weekends. Doing odd jobs of construction for him n some mechanical work n yard work laying cement or something.. and explaining all this and the wages that were disscuessed.. and I'm like and the point of the story is???? He wants to buy this truck from him for $275 for a parts truck.. stripping it down to part out his piece of junk truck he has now. Better fenders n doors and hood n all this stuff he says needs. It's crazy everytime he wants something he really doesn't need he gets a job it seems. Like last fall.. my uncle owns a locker in town n he buys hubs a gun for $450 last summer n tells him he can work it off over deer season. So he works all last fall doing that to pay that off... .. I'd rather just buy the stuff.. straight out n be done with it n have him home.. but I guess he just has to work. Ask him when he plans on doing this n nights I'm off n weekends of course. LOL whatever I guess.. isn't like he's here anyways.. but jeez.. I guess I want a 2nd job.. no.. this summer whatever extra hours I do get to work I'm going to take that money n buy me a piano or camera. Maybe I'll go to my grandma n borrow the money for my camera and work it off? LOL or something.. funny. I'd much rather just go get it.. what's up with the working it off stuff??? Problem is any extra I get or hours.. goes into the checkbook n spent on everyone.. oh well.. whatever I don't feel like getting into that topic.

I have tomorrow night off work YEAH... going to listen to my bro's band a 1/2 hour away.. love to listen to them.. he graduats from college tommorrow so glad I got off work n home early. Filled up the van with gas and bought some film. OMG expensive at a gas station but was convientient.. so wth. All I have to do is get up early get everyone ready n pick up the cake.. pick up my grandma n drop my baby off at my BFriends daycare in town. I'm so worried about that. He's never been in a large "real" daycare. The lady that babysits for me only has one other family.. of 3 girls.. that she watches with my 2. So my BF has 10-12 kids.. n my son n daughter have never been seperated really... always have each other n when hubs like takes my daughter to the store n my baby realizes she's gone n he's not he's like a lil lost puppy without his bone.. sad n looking everywhere for her.. I must bring his blankie.. and he's only been there a few times with me so won't really remember her that much and all the kids may make him nervous too.. I almost wanna say forget it and take him along.. but he won't have fun the 2 hours drive up there n the hour n 1/2 wait until the ceremony then the ceremony.. n ride back.. but will be very hard for me to leave him alone here all day:( AMY-- slappin myself.. he'll be with one of your BF's .. he'll be prefectly fine. OK..

K Wow it's early. Got some things to do K bye :)

The Sim's Online

Been so busy this week on my days off well at least the past 2 days that is. No time to read emails so i'll get back to you later :) Sorry. Anyways took son shoppin last night he needed new rollerblades... we went for ice cream treats after shoppin n pulled over on the way home to finish our blizzards n watched the storm clouds n lightening show that was a head of us. So pretty... and so neat to watch from where we were.. such flat land you can see for miles.. n miles.

Got home picked up then round midnight uploaded the new game I bought the Sims.. OMG it's too funny. lots to explain unless you've tried it but it's like a world where you can be whoever you want to be... do whatever you want.. with whoever.. well almost.. I can't afford my own pad so I shaked up with this guy.. but he's very helpfull n nice. I bought my 1st thing .. a pool table. I started out studyin cooking n music.. but now think I'll do the Music.. Mechanical n Charrisima thing? with a side of cooking. LOL crazy. and funnier yet is that each person you meet n contantly chatting with are real people.. doing things too.. n like kissin n dating n you can even get married.. divorced blah blah it's crazy my roomies cool but wants more.. do i hold out? lol crazy i'm just playing hard to get. After i get more money I'm gonna be crazy bitchy but tease.. noo just kidding i dont know what I'm doing yet. It's all a game so might as well have fun n do things I normally wouldn't.. huh?.

So I stayed up really late playin that last night. I learned how to play afk for now.. so I can be online there n here. Today was busy too.. on the phone what seemed like 1/2 the day.. some business guys came over for an hour 2nite.. hubs n son gone all night.. they didnd't get home till 10 by then too late for me to go anywhere I was kinda mad.. just cuz he says well you got to go shoppin last night. Well like that was for me.. well yeah kinda but only got stuff we needed n a few other things.. and only gone from 730-10. He had legit reasons to be gone 2nite I guess so it was OK.. yet still thought of other things someone said had me wanting that bad.

Tomorrow i'm getting my hair cut I don't know what to do with my hair anymore hate it. Finally long enough to put back in a pony.. n now i'll cut it off n in a week I'll like it.. and in 3 weeks I'll hate it again. LOL oh well.. I HAVE TO get my drivers licence renewed tomorrow too.. last day b4 my bday next week I can get it here in town. I also have to pick up cake for my bro's graduation Friday.. go to his grad friday too.. n to S.F. to pick up my son on Sunday n get back in time to hit 3 graduation parties n work. Wheee I keep thinking I'll have more time next week but next week comes n I seem busier then b4. Next Fri my son leaves for Nashville to stay with my parents for 6 weeks. I will miss him never not seen him over 10 days was the longest we've ever been apart. Sad :( I'll cry ... but happy for him too. My mom's thrilled. I'm glad for that too.

Then hubs going to his mom's for weekend weekend after memorial day.. but I don't know might not let him go cuz I won't have a vehicle and if he thinks I'm driving that piece of crap truck .. no way. Although a weekend alone would be nice it'd be werid I've never been apart from him over 1 night and that's cuz i was in hospital after having the baby. Well maybe a few others.. but not really.. and isn't like I would care but Whoa boring at my house all alone I wouldn't know what to do with myself??? Always so busy here.. with visitors n kids n family blah blah.. Hubs pickin up my 2 step daughters. I am really excited for them to come up for the summer yet at the same time it's hard.. Step-mom ya know.. I run my house n rules totally opposite then they are used to.. they'd stay up all night n sleep till 1pm.. laying round all day watchin tv eating chips.. NOPE not at my house. I have tons of fun activites n things lined up for them n friends they've made. N they have fun.. just the 1st couple weeks it's harder for them and I respect that and ease them into our way or our rules. 1st summer my one daughter came up she was so used to junk food she'd get sick after every meal and had ulcers at age 7.. or acid reflex or something but food too rich Dr said.. :( Long story K people messsaging me like crazy 2nite.. can't keep up with them all..

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Crochet

I havn't been in any mood to do any crafts since Xmas time I think... But browsing round for awhile now looking to make something.. something new and I love doll clothes or barbie n baby clothes or doily's. I like to use the fine thread to crochet instead of yarn.. but do yarn too. Havn't made an afghan since i was preggy with my baby. Just can't get into making one even though both my step-daughters want one I'm sure I will someday. But I did buy this pattern online it's a christening set.. with the dress, booties, blankie, bonnet and bib n lil matching purse for mom. Cute I don't plan on having a daughter or another baby to baptize but wth it's so cute. I'm could sell it or just keep it round till I knew someone who would want it. Then again I could buy myself a doll n dress her in it. Silly me but it's just so cute!

Storm???

My Weather Forecast:
Severe Weather Possible Today
Partly cloudy with thunderstorms developing this afternoon. A few storms could become severe with large hail and strong straight line wind the main threat. An isolated tornado is also possible later this afternoon and evening. High 70. Wind SE 10-20 mph.
Tonight:
Thunderstorms likely. Low 47. Wind SE 10-20 mph.

Hummm maybe a storm finally but I don't want it during the day.. I want one of the evening ones the one that rolls in slowly watching the clouds n the sky turns dark n scarey.. then it's night n you can go parking out in the country on some lil gravel road lay back watch the lightening. I like thunderstorms.. i don't like the wind n tornados. And wouldn't been 1/2 the freak I can be if I didn't have kids. I love playing online games. So I'm always at the zone playing monster truck madness or bejewled or bespelled or word twist or something. So I decide to try the tourneys... for cash. They give ya $6.00 free to play against others n win money. OK so I maxed what I could win on the trial versions.. so I try to sign up n deposit a $5 for fun. What's neat is you can challenge people you know.. and win their money or just pop into a room n go against anyone.

So I love the games.. n think I"m good I'm probably not that good.. but I get this message: "The rules governing sweepstakes, contest and tournaments with entry fees and/or prizes are determined by each individual state." And my state is listed so I can't join:( Bummer back to playing games with no option of winning anything or the prizes. Wonder why I sopose online gamblin can be a problem n I sopose even though it's not a slot machine or poker n such your still playing games for a chance to win some money. I didn't ever consider myself a gambler.. cuz I always have a limit I spend when I go.. n if I lose it I call it entertainment.. which I almost always do or bust even. And just fun to go somewhere. Oh well.. off that subject.. anyone else play the msn gaming zone.. n wanna challenge my user nic is twilights_b4u as usual, n we can play just for the fame? I also love Yahoo Games word yatch, chess tons of others n Yahoo Graffiti.. it's like pictionary online.. and almost more fun then real pictionary cuz you have all kinds of colors to use.. n can play against 8 people at once on teams or not. User name on yahoo is twilights_b4u too. OK gotta make some lunch Bye

Sopose to be going to wtrtown 2nite.. we'll see. Gotta go start some lunch

This or That



May 13: *Another Potpourri Edition*
Because we didn't come up with a theme this week! But potpourri is fun, too!

1. Packrat or minimalist? Packrat
2. Computer: desktop or laptop? Desktop
3. Seashore or mountains? Mountains
4. Carpeting or bare floors? Carpet
5. Drinking water: bottled or tap? Tap
6. Shopping websites: eBay or Amazon? Ebay
7. Cute little kitties or big scary tigers? Cute Kitties
8. Front door or back door? Back Door
9. Lots of jewelry, or little/none? Some.. not a lot or none.. but some
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: At the last minute, you obtain tickets to an event you're dying to attend. However, you have to work that day! Do you ask the boss for the time off, or just call in sick
I'd ask my Boss.. never called in sick yet but did go home sick once with tooth ache.. Couldn't lie like that and plus someone's bound to find out..

Search Engine Added

Added a search engine within my site.. but after I got it all together n tried it it is very vague.. if you type more than one word say Boring Sex for instance it will give ya every page that has boring on it or sex on it.. and must have sex on every page cuz almost all my pages come up then??? Hummm.. but type in just Boring.. and you only get one page. Oh well easy enough to add.

So after playing outside round 730 kids and I decided to head outta town and do a little asparagus hunting in the country we hit our one spot but someone had beat us to it.. but we did pick enough for a meal there and along with it about 10 ticks... so I'm itcy a bit now.. 2nd spot we hit we got a bunch more enough for another but had to get going bugged out n was getting late n hadda go to the car wash.. plus little ones weren't that entertained sitting in their car seats while we were running the ditches... We got home round 9 n hubs still in the garage gave kids baths.. I headed uptown at 10 for a cruise n a pop.. showered tucked hubs in and voila I'm here. But I'm leaving cuz I'm off to bed. Nite :)

Monday, May 12, 2003

OMG Running

OK hubs had another mechanic over after work n they were diggin thru everything n found out the distributor cap or something inside of it was broke and what caused engine to slip outta time n not run. Hummm so took the old one off old motor n put onto new and it's running just fine now. Cool so it's solved n done and hubs doing the happy dance! Maybe I'll get a bday party after all. Guy from up the hill called to see if I wanted to go to wtrtwn 2nite with him to see the stripers. LMAO.. Mondays are no good for me after working n being gone all weekend I just like to be home.

Been outside again most the evening. Kids are riding their bikes on the deck now. I planted some more planters... ground almost dry enough to till. Maybe Wed???

So full from supper. I made Stroganoff for supper... hubs calls it "stroke me off" cuz it was so good n I havn't made it forever. I used sirloin tips and some giant mushrooms his dad sent up with it all too. Was good I didn't eat much but I'm stuffed.. probably the noodles huh?

So what am I making for the menu for this week?
Tuesday: Baked Chicken n potatos n green bean cassarole with jello (Not sure how I'm baking the chicken yet or if I'll grill it?)
Wednesday: Homemade Chimichanga's.. Mmmm some with beef n beans and some with left over chicken and salsa sauce. Salad n fruit
Thursday: Ringed Sasauge with Egg sandwiches N pear slices
Friday: Out of town for Bro's Graduation
Saturday: Salad, Spagetti n Garlic toast - Apples or some fruit
Sunday: Roast with garlic mustard sauce I make.. tatos n veggies.
Monday: Shis-ka-Bobs.. potato packets with onions peppers small chunks of hamburger n mushrooms grilled on tin-foil. and a Salad.
Tuesday: MY Bday..?? Think I'll be going out.

I love a menu for the week that way come 330pm when I'm standing in the kitchen thinking OMG what am I going to make for supper I have a plan already n easier too when I grocery shop I can get everything I need at once.. instead of saying Ohhh i need just that one ingredient. I don't menu out lunch or breakfest. Breakfest always depends on the time n my mood. Most the time it's cerel n fruit.. and for dinner if it's not Mac n Cheese and hamburgers hot dogs with a veggie or fruit and salad.. it'll be a breakfest styled lunch.. pancakes or eggs n sasuage or whatever. My Favorite summer food n to grill is the shis-ka-bobs. Mmmm love them with the pineapple n chunks of onion n peppers and specially the mushrooms... ok the meat's good too.. it's my favorite cuz I love that maranaid I use it's a mesquite flavor and nummmy.. I just buy the packet and add the oil and vinegar n water. Easy n nummy.

At church camp we made something called Hobo packets on the campfire one day. It's with chunks of potatoes n you throw in whatever you want. Here' s how I make mine. 1st I line the tin-foil with some butter n sprinkle on some garlic garlic a seasoning I use with a little seasoned salt n pepper. and then the potatoes.. carrots, mushrooms n smally chopped onions n peppers n if I have any hamburger laying around I'll throw a tiny bit in each cuz that added grease of course in nummy and really flavors the meat as well.. n good all together. You throw it on the grill and Ta-Da.. it's done n a great easy side speically with shis-ka-bobs cuz you already have most that stuff out anyways.

Ok hubs has gotta get the lines to the grill cleaned out. HOPEFULLY now that his truck is running he'll finally do something else round here besides bumming around bitching about his truck.. or living practically out in the garage and get some things that really need to get done DONE! Like brakes on my van?? I ordered 2 weeks ago he still needs to pick up and put in.. and the dog kennel thing and all the other 100 projects he has going done. Hhehehe always something

It's a Beautiful Morning

Temp: 64 Degrees N Sunny

Beautiful Day! Been outside since lunch with the kids. Didn't lay them down for naps 2day hope I don't regret it later this evening if they get crabby. Just they are being so good n funny and playing that I'm getting a lot done and this way they'll be way tired out 2nite and crash good at bedtime. Thinking I'm going to rent some movies this week havn't for a long time. I still have Road to Perdition to watch as well n Harry Potter 2. Wanted to take oldest son to the movie Xmen tonight but sure hubs will b busy after work trying to hopefully figure out once and for all what to do with his truck.. so maybe tomorrow night.

It's been cloudy and rainy the past 3 days so being outside today it's amazing how much the leaves have popped outta the trees and how green the grass and long it's become.. not in my yard of course... only a tiny patch of grass here n there it's all tore up.. where we had the swimming pool last year it's all dead.. just dirt.. sopose we'll just put the pool back there again. If I knew what cost came next in the cash flow for the truck I'd just go out n buy a dog kennel today.. when the dog is outside we just tie her up in different spot around the yard now cuz she tramples down the grass in one day. If we let her run she'll dig holes all over the yard.. very bad diggin dog.. but love her of course. And if I knew what he was going to do about truck I'd call on the ad I seen in the paper about a great used piano for sell here in town:( Seems like it's been months he's been working on his truck now.. Hopefully he'll figure out something one way or another soon. Sure he feels the same way.

OK I'm off to plant some planters I have outside.

Really Good Mood

I'm all of a sudden in a really really really good mood :) I just am! Just happy and hadda say that! Got the next 3 days off house is kinda clean at least it's picked up n dishes are done.. so my monday chores will just be the normal standard stuff. I'm so awake now I'd love to grab the scrub bucket n get to work now but afraid I'd wake the little ones so I'll wait..



My Postive Monday:
Things that will be Fun this Week N Things that Make me Smile! :)

- Going to greenhouse to pick out plants n flowers n stuff for the garden
- Hopefully Sunny n nice so I can till
- Planting with the kids.. they will be cute watching them try to help!
- Going to my brothers College graduation.. :) Yeah finally
- Having a Friday night off work and going out to listen to my bro's band
- Having next 3 days off:)
- My Bday is in 8 days!
- Work week is over and was good :)
- Cheering up hubs somehow I hope!
- Setting up arrangements for my son to go to my parents for a bit this summer
- My Step-daughts will be up soon for the summer :)
- The beautiful cards I got for mothers day n gifts
- My grandparents love.. just something I love
- Friends.. make me happy
- Strawberry Pie.. mmmm n Cinnamon Grilled Pork Lion for supper :) Mmmm for Mom's day!
- My Mother - most thankful for all her love n just her :) Miss her :(
- Writing Letters to my sister-in-law!
- I am going to try to leave my comments to myself more...
- Begining the steps to finally quit smoking!!!
- I love and am loved!

OK I could go on and on I sopose I better stop for the day at that. I feel great. I just had the nicest converstation I've had for awhile. Somepeople just touch you at the right time.. n somehow can say the most perfect things.. as simple as they might come out and without any intent but means the world to me. :) Not that I wasn't happy B4 I was.. just feel like dancing round happy right now. I want to spread joy around but darnit everyone's in bed. I think I'm off for now as well so I can be rested n awake to enjoy all this week will hold... or so I hope.. at least I'm outta that slump I was in yesterday.. funny although I didn't realize it nor could I pin-point it or reasons at that time.. one person noticed.. looking back and now understanding why it's neat to realize some of my friends can actually see something I couldn't.. and makes me feel good like they cared enought to notice although I was totally unaware when they spoke! neat.. kinda! Anyways OK

Found this neat weekly Sunday Meme
What it is is every sunday 10 words are posted and you have to blurt out or type out the 1st thing that comes to your mind when you see the word.. Kinda fun.. different. fast.. at least. Here's some of mine!

I say and you think ?

  1. Want:: I gotta have
  2. Pleasure:: Serenity
  3. Sugar:: Spice
  4. Special:: Beloved
  5. Pure:: White
  6. Right:: Wrong
  7. Something:: Silly
  8. Cherish:: Desire
  9. Pub:: Beer
  10. Snap::Fingers


  1. Nanny:: Babysitter
  2. Weight:: Lose
  3. Deep:: Sinking
  4. Sock:: Foot
  5. 24 hours:: Tired
  6. Tongue:: depressor
  7. Fees:: money
  8. Champagne:: glass
  9. Bruise:: ouch
  10. Pancakes:: links


  1. Slob:: Pig
  2. 60:: Seconds
  3. Personals:: romance
  4. Famous:: people
  5. Cancer:: walk
  6. Internet:: web
  7. Previously:: before
  8. Moonshine:: drunk
  9. Ants:: bugs
  10. Check::mark


  1. Milk:: Drink
  2. Itch:: bite
  3. Raisin:: wrinkles
  4. Contempt:: confused
  5. High:: wayup
  6. Take:: away
  7. Hamburger::fries
  8. Frilly:: dressy
  9. Tigger:: pooh
  10. Creek::river


  1. Compassionate:: Caring
  2. Zodiac:: sign
  3. Suit:: ace of spades
  4. Marble:: tile
  5. Track:: meet
  6. Miscellanous::various
  7. Supermarket:: not open
  8. Stone:: dome
  9. Daylight:: sunny
  10. Cap::gun


  1. Smell :: Nose
  2. Caramel :: apple
  3. Parallel :: beside
  4. Miami :: beach
  5. Sleep :: deprived
  6. Double :: trouble
  7. Kiss :: me
  8. History :: book
  9. Vodka:: tonic
  10. Click:: finger tappin


  1. 501 :: number
  2. Xs and Os :: hubs n kisses
  3. Remote :: location
  4. Declaration :: speak out
  5. Whale :: big
  6. Glitter :: pretty
  7. Floss :: teeth
  8. Checkers :: chess
  9. Vegas:: vacation
  10. Hill:: mountain



  1. Amy :: Me??
  2. Equipment :: tires
  3. Trust :: companionship
  4. Clown :: silly
  5. Banana :: yellow
  6. Grass :: mow
  7. Shot :: tequila
  8. Screech :: piercing noise
  9. Car:: vehicle
  10. Bridge:: cards


  1. Guilt :: ashamed
  2. Pearl :: lady
  3. First :: in line
  4. Work :: job
  5. Record :: dub
  6. Drunk :: drinking
  7. Sexy :: ohhh la la
  8. DMV :: department of motor vehicles
  9. Stapler:: desk
  10. Toy:: car


  1. Towel :: hands
  2. Ohio:: state
  3. Coke :: windsor
  4. Vacation :: trip
  5. Pumpkin :: eater
  6. Embarrassing :: OMG
  7. Plastic :: bags
  8. Tight :: snug
  9. Camera:: want
  10. String:: bikini


  1. Key :: Losing
  2. Ice:: water
  3. Compassion :: caring
  4. Crayon :: marker
  5. Insatiable :: inwaht
  6. Bench :: press
  7. Capsule :: tablet
  8. Heart :: love
  9. Fourteen:: young
  10. Postcard:: i need to write someone


  1. Ecstasy :: awesome sex
  2. Journey :: voyage
  3. Warning :: lable
  4. College :: student
  5. Shrub :: bush
  6. Pick :: a number
  7. Restriction :: do not enter
  8. Cracks :: in the wall
  9. Vacancy :: no room
  10. Bears :: care bears


  1. Legitimate :: true
  2. Angel :: Emily
  3. Question :: mark
  4. Ready :: set go
  5. Greed :: bad person
  6. Affliction :: touched
  7. Ocean :: floor
  8. Foolish :: games
  9. Digital :: camera
  10. Chalkboard :: eraser

Different huh.. :) Kinda fun... I went over board didn't i? LOL.. so What r yours? OK Gotta get going .. Nite :) Sweet dreams to all!

Good Day Mate

Hope everyone had a wonderful mothers day! I did for the most part! I got a garden claw from the kids.. something I've always wanted forever to use in the garden hope it works as good as the commercials said! My mom also sent up money to get myself some flowers to plant n I got a few. I wanted to hit the greenhouses tomorrow with the little ones.. but hubs has to use the van again.. Truck still not running:( I have no idea what he's going to do or wants to do.. doesn't want any help from me.. nor heads my opinions or thoughts or whatever.. so I'm leaving it up to him I think.

So I get home..I turned on my puter.. read n wrote some emails.. visited a few sites.. n thought I should update my blog but have been sitting here for the longest time just trying to figure out what to say? I'm having a major mental block thing going on today. i could figure out how to spell an easy name 2nite either it's werid I'd spell it right but didn't look right at all and couldn't decide if it was right or not. Writing now I'm just writing nothing except about what to write. I drove home 2nite and didn't lite up one.. that's awesome cuz in my car is the time when I want to smoke the worst.. Proud of myself.. and starting tomorrow I'm going to try to cut back on 1/3 of what I normally smoke in a day. OK A friends online I'm off to chat a bit n hopefully will stimulate something inside me instead of this lull.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Happy Mothers Day

Can't open mindedly or mentally comment on anything I'm thinking or feeling cuz I just can't. For I myself am not sure what I even am thinking. Feeling wise I"m not sure either. One of those moments your better off to just do nothing. Cuz not sure of anything. I am sure it's Mothers Day and I'm a mommy and love it!

Had a long ass day at home that was anti-happy nor really productive. Then was really busy at work 2nite and will be tomorrow too night as well. I did hit the greenhouse and picked up some petuntias n ivy geraniums for my grandmothers.. for mothers day and stamped them cards n picked out these cute little frog planters sticks as well to go with them. I had wanted to do something as a family tomorrow for mothers day.. something different but now my cousin and his friend are coming over round 11 to work on hubs truck with him so says he'll be busy in the garage all day:( :( :( N gotta help my son with his paperroute which takes up almost 2 hours.

I understand he wants to get his truck running n that's fine and I'd rather he do that then be with us anyways cuz of his attitude over the entire situation has been totally negaitive the past 3 days anyways n frankly It's upsetting to me when he's so upset and I' don't want anything to ruin my day.. cuz I want to spend it holding n loving n doing something special with my children. I sopose I"ll get up at 10 n think we'll go out for dinner ourselves.. I wanted to do a picinic thing but it''s really cold and rainy out now and think it's sopose to be tomorrow. I don't want to go anywhere in town to eat cuz it will be so packed. Think I'll bake or fry up some chicken or something and make an indoor picinic or something?? I don't know?

Then after dinner we'll head over to my grandparents in town n my other grandma's also n visit n drop off gifts. Maybe I"ll whip up some dessert b4 bed n bring that along n eat some dessert or take some to them for Mom's day. What could I make at this hour? Hummm...

It's Ok hubs going to be busy I just hope he gets his truck running so he gets outta his mood cuz it's starting to make me sad.. just cuz he's snappy at me and kids n was really snappy at everyone 2day and I just feel bad for everyone he's snappy at n appolgize for him to them saying it's just his truck. No use telling him he's crabby cuz sure that would make it worse I just smile.

Think if I was ever a widow I'd stay one forever.

For a no-comment speaking kinda feeling going on I sure seem to be finding enough to write about. Guess once I start typing it just flows. Geez I'm kinda emotional 2day/ 2nite.. wanted to just cry maybe it's that zyban too or maybe it's just me.. being sensitive .. I can get kinda sensitive or more I think I just take things too much to heart or maybe not I don't know.. again that I don't know what I'm talking about. What cures me off it all.. to just get a huggy would probably be just the medicine I need, to revive my soul n make me happy.. or smiles.. love to see smiles.. hubs hasn't been smiling at all:( At this point seeing anyone smile would be good. Sure I'll see some smiles in the morning when the kids get up.. little ones are so smiley!!! . But I'm afraid to cuddle up to hubs as cranky he's been cuz sleeping n all he'd probably be like Ohhhh What do you want.. n then I'd feel worse. OK I'm going back to that blank state of mind.. where you want to talk about it.. but nothings there. Nothing there for me is unusual.. not right.. and I've been in that blank state feelings all day. Like your not really there.. or here.. or anywhere.. when someone asks you something personal or something you just can't reply.. personally .. whatever LOL i don't know I should go to bed. Nite :)